Pernell Johnson

Angel1, this is a powerful thread/statement. I hope someone, just someone reads this and gains some insight into what we as recovering addicts are dealing with and how to go forward in the process. Thank you for sharing.

Just for Today------------------I am cleaan and sober

Pernell

Dan

To my knees I fall, and join my hands in prayer.
It's all I can do today.
Just for today.

sarahjangel1

Hi, I am back...it seems like forever since I've written in my thread. I took a little vacation and decided not to take the computer with me... Thank you to those who respond to my threads. I write my thoughts for the day in each of my threads {4 total} and I hope just one person reads them, and it helps them...My favorite quote is: "I am but one, with the program, I am many." By the way, that is my quote..anyway,..I have been doing okay. I am speaking this weekend at a rehab close by. Actually, it is the rehab I went to this last time. The people there helped me so much, I want to give back. So,I set it up to speak there. Yes, I am scared, but it's okay today. Maybe if someone hears my story it will save their life, and it will all be worth it.Thats how I think about it today. I went through so much, every moment of pain I suffered, I'd do it all again, if it saved someone else. No, I am not crazy. Think about it..we hurt so many people in our addictions, when we get clean, we have a responsibility to give back. Someone saved my life that day, it is my turn to give back...humility, hope, and faith...what are you doing to give back,today????I will keep coming back...

FaeryQueen

Well put Angel!!
Happy you are here. <!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

sarahjangel1

:so I don't believe I could have found serenity by myself.It took some serious divine intervention to bring me to that point.I was told all I had to do is ask.Could recovery be that simple?It was worth anything, just to feel again. To live again. How much worse and unmanageable could my life get??? I was at the end, in my heart, I know I was. When God stepped in, I had almost entirely gave up. But He saved me. I knew I had to give it everything I had in me. I made that first step. Boy, was I surprised at what I found.It was as if I had lived in complete darkness my entire life. I finally felt the heat of the sun.It ignited a fire within me that I refuse to let extinguish.Serenity is exciting.It is much more fufilling than living on the drama drugs, a false existence in a make-up world.It's my real life.I care about myself, others,my program, and God.In my serenity there is nothing I need - that I don't have.With God in my corner,for once,peace in my soul, and a fire in my heart burning to live, all things are possible for me.Once I stepped thru that door, I knew there was no going back. Are you ready for peace???All you have to do is: accept God, ask for help, wait for the door to open, and step through.

If you want what the program has to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.These are the principles that make our recovery possible....Chapter 4 - How it works. Basic text p.17

sarahjangel1

:shysmile: Today I write about the child abuse I suffered. I don't know why I bring it up today, maybe some great force is telling me to heal, and keep healing. It isn't just a one day thing. We, child abuse survivors, have been influenced by this our entire life. Let me tell you: My mother married my father very young. She was pregnant with another man's baby. Back in those days, it was not acceptable to be an unwed mother. My father did the only one decent thing, he has done, in his whole, and our, whole miserable life. He married my mother. He was a drinker even back then. Little did she know, after having 5 children, he was even more evil. They began a very lengthy painful divorse, when I was very young. The courts back then tossed us children back and forth. In the midst of all that, my father began to torture us. He beat, burned, whipped, locked us in closets for hours, took us in the basement and got us wet in the wash sink naked and then beat us with a 4" belt, and then he began to sexually abuse us girls. I told you he was evil. I was 3 years old when it started, 8 years old when it stopped...today I still remember, I still have scars that I look at every day. What would make a man do that to his kids???So, through all these years I have used that as an excuse to use...today, I use it as an excuse NOT to use...because, if you are like me, it can only make you stronger...today, I use it to influence me in a good way by reaching out to those who need love.....please, if you are reading this and you were abused, DO NOT USE, see a therapist....go to a meeting...talk to me, I will listen......WE ARE SURVIVORS....LETS STICK TOGETHER...AND LET NOTHING PULL US APART..I will keep coming back...

sarahjangel1

:ilu Harmony..... The just adaptation of parts to each other;musical concord;agreement;peace & friendship


Whenever I find myself in discord with other people,the cicumstances in my life, or even what I want,need, & feel, it may be time to stop forcing things and harmonize a little.The hardest thing about harmonizing can be overcoming the fear that I'll lose my identity or that I'm somehow giving in and losing, by harmonizing with someone-or something else.I can be myself and still be part of a couple, team,environment,or group.And I will have a lot more energy when I'm not using it to overpower someone or resist.....Just for today...I choose to make peace with myself, God, my family,and the fellowship...

hopealwayz

(((Angel))) I love reading your threads. They help me so much.

sarahjangel1

"Let no man or beast break the love between two, that bonds in love, forgiveness, faith, and hope"......
Thank you so much 'Angel' you have no idea how much you have helped "ME"....I have a speaking engagement tonight and you gave me so much.....encouragement.....Just for today...I will be vigil in my quest; to reach out to those who are suffering .....

sarahjangel1

:Terrific I had such a wonderful day,yesterday.Let me explain...of course,I had a toothache..had to work..got up at 3 am...worked all day,extremely tired, and I went to the last rehab I attended and told my story...isn't it nice that God gives us the opportunity to give back.This is what I call living .....I feel so great inside, although I was so exausted, I couldn't sleep because of the peace I feel...have you ever had a dream you were floating on a big puffy white cloud drifting into a baby blue sky???????And you felt so weightless,free, and at a peace you've never imagined?????? That is called:"recovery peace" I have been searching for that peace my entire life...today I have it...let me tell you...I had such an uplifting out-of-body experience that I don't know quite how to explain it....it's funny how God puts us just where we need to be...last night,I saw some people I knew from the street..some hard-core dope fiends...just like me,I use to party with them...it was so wonderful to reach out for them...just like someone reached out for me...I cried in happiness....it was 'one' of my recovery dreams,to go out there...I feel such a sense of accomplishment...no I'm not the president,or a millionaire,or a sports star,or a model or actress,......'i am but one,with the program,I am many'...with that I will keep coming back.....just for today...I will have a program, follow it to the best of my ability....I will extend my hand to the addict which who still suffers...

sarahjangel1

As I sit here and reflect.....it has been a wonderful week....so many small things add up..I am very tired today. It is my only day off for some time. My legs are hurting pretty badly today. I am going to keep it short today....I just wanted to stress to you out there. I may be tired and hurting, but for me, it is truly a blessing. God does for us, if we do for ourselves...one step at a time for me today...and everyday....Just for today: I will appreciate the small things, I will appreciate being clean...and I will give all I have...just for today...

sarahjangel1

:present: This morning,as I sit here. It's still dark, but so peaceful....I am thinking about the steps it took me, to get here &now...I named this thread, Step 1.Not only because I knew I was going to write the 12 steps in it, but also talk about the first steps I took when I came home, into the program. Have you thought about what steps are necessary for you to take in order to stay clean??? Just remember, all you have to do is stay clean.....Just for today...I Have one suggestion for you..have a plan...never have any time, when you first get clean and it's really hard, that you don't have anything planned..the best plan- is a plan..think about: your goals, meetings you need to attend, getting a sponsor, deciding who you are spiritually,working on your emotional health{maybe seeing a therapist, I do}, employment or schooling,improving family relationships, hobbies and leisure activities,having a relapse prevention plan,....etc..it may seem like a lot to think about...easy does it....take it one step at a time...it's your life and what you make of it...with that...I will keep coming back...

sarahjangel1

:aasmile Simplicity is the key to our symbol;it imitates the simplicity of our fellowship.All sorts of occult and esoteric connotations can be found in its simple outlines,but foremost in the minds of the fellowship are easily understood meanings and relationships.The outer circle denotes a universal & total program that has room within it for all manifestations of the recovering person.The square, whose lines are defined,is easily seen and understood,but there are other unseen parts of the symbol. The square base denotes Good will,the ground of both the fellowship and the numbers of our society.Good will is best exemplified in service;proper service is "Doing the right thing for the right reason."When good will supports and motivates both the individual and the fellowship,we are fully whole and wholly free. Probably the last to be lost to freedom will be the stigma of being an addict.
It is the four pyramid sides that rise from the base in a three-dimensional figure that represent: self, society, service,and God.All rise to the point of freedom.All parts are closely related to the needs and aims of the addict who is seeking recovery;and to the purpose of the fellowship which is to make recovery available to all.The greater the base {as we grow in unity in numbers and in fellowship} the broader the sides of the pyramid, and the higher the point of freedom.
What are you getting out of the program????I received:
"A wonderful,rewarding,fufilling,life......its just that simple...Appreciate what you can do....not what you can't..

sarahjangel1

"Another way we can believe in a healing spirit is to think of it as the power of the group. Again, this idea comes from the original AA literature: "You can, if you wish, make AA itself your 'higher power'. Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they are certainly a greater power than you... Surely you can have faith in them." from "A Women's Way through the 12 Steps" by Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D.
My Mom always says "faith moves mountains"...and with any step program, you will find, that it's almost magical, the power in those groups. I know when I go to my home meeting, I chair, that it doesn't matter how the week went, as soon as I enter the room, even empty, I feel a sense of peace. If that happens to you....you know you're in the right place....and I will keep coming back....

sarahjangel1

Good Morning. Today I am going to talk about a decision that still haunts me to this day. I still haven't decided if I did the right thing or not. I was so young when I got married, but already lived more life than any grown up I ever knew. I don't think I had much of a childhood.My counselor tells me that we should all find that inner child..until recently, I really didn't know what exactly he meant. What he was talking about was...when we get sober and start dealing with life...sort of like a new baby...everything is new again...fresh...and then we find peace..like an infant being held by his mother...I've picked up a rather odd hobby. I have started collecting shadowboxes & stuffed animals...and everytime I get a new one, I refect on my life, and gain a little peace...recovery can be anything you make it...I choose to make it fun..Have you found your inner child? Have some fun today....Just for today..I will laugh a little more, than I did yesterday....

sarahjangel1

Today I will remember that Rome wasn't built in a day, and I will not be all that I wish to be overnight.Today when I feel shame, I will remember that no one is perfect and that I need not be either. I will make prompt amends to anyone I may hurt, including myself, and move on in my day.....Just for today....I am capable of moving past shame...

The deeper the sorrow, the less tongue it hath. The Talmud

sarahjangel1

Thought for today: I can only live my own life.

Today, I going to try and give up trying to fix my family and get on living a happy life. I grew up in a disfunctional family and sometimes I wonder...was everyone's family like mine? No, they weren't..but children of abuse often believe that their situation is normal. It's not normal to get abused in all the ways us 5 children received. It's not an excuse for me to get high anymore. It shouldn't be a cause, it should be a reason not to get high. I am only but one , there are many out there who still suffer from, in all ways, their abuse. What would be the worst thing that could happen, if we were happy??? It isn't the norm for us to feel comfortable being happy. But today I have a choice. I could feel sorry for myself, or I can try to learn how to live..what do you choose?? I am not ashamed to say , that I see a therapist..well, along with addiction, I also have...OCD and a touch of depression. But that is normal for a drug addict. Who would've thought I'd be normal?With that..I will ..keep coming back...

I can only live my own life, what about you?

sarahjangel1

Were you nutured as a child??? Think about it. Has the person you love nurtured you or have you nurtured them?Are you willing to warm up to others and yourself? I have never been nurtured before. I know it was a hard thing to require and accept. But, in this new relationship, I have been with him a year, he nurtures me and I him all the time. It feels so warm, comfortable, and loving, to give and to receive. At first,for me, it was very awkward and uncomfortable. But, now it feels so nice...I met him while in my 'insanity' and he has stuck with me through all of my defects..he truly loves me. It was so uncomfortable and scary at first, to let him into my life. But now, time and time again, he proves to me everyday how worthy I am to live. He makes me love myself..I figure, through all the **** I put him thru, he's still around and loves me unconditionally, that I owe him, and especially God, for my sobriety. He doesn't allow me to quit..He nurtures me and gives me love, that I have always dreamed of. He's never drank or did drugs...I KNOW God put him in my life for a reason.

The reason I tell you all this, is because,...through all our madness, God has a time and place for everything...if you do right, He will bless you, just like He did me. I am learning how to nurture, I am learning every day, how to live..One step at a time, in God's time...and Just for today...

sarahjangel1

Today I want to talk about my 'program'. I know everyone has one, but, I believe that, 'your program is what makes your recovery'...Let me tell you, what I do in my program. Keep in mind that , everyone's program is different. This is only, what works for me. Whatever works for you to stay sober, than do it.First of all, I went back to the rehab I was at, this time, to speak, again. So many troubled people there..that was me, not too long ago. See, I do many things ..let me explain: I read, write in here on 4 threads, everyday, go to meetings, go to therapy, see a counselor, still go to probation[I was very naughty in my addiction], and I talk at different meetings...this is my NEW life. I need to give back. "I am but one, with the program, I am many....giving back is part of my program..the things I do, may not work for you.Last night I saw my counselor, for the first time, in awhile. I almost cried. I miss him..I truly believe that he is an angel from God...He helped save me..Now remember ,....YOU HAVE TO DO THE STEP WORK, but there are people out there that is great stepping stones...you won't sink, with their help.....find your nitch..I have found mine...I look and feel great in recovery....with that I will keep coming back...

sarahjangel1

Today I realize that part of maturity is to accept that I cannot necessarily have everything just the way I want it.To be aware of my needs, not WANTS, is what is important. From this intelligence, mature decisions can be made.Because I am aware of my needs, doesn't mean someone else has to meet them or that I have a right to expect them to . Today I am ready to grow up....

When I was a child,i spoke as a child, understood as a child, thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1Corinthians 13:11