Simply TIRED!
Loving Life and LVNitUP!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Currently out of my mind
Posts: 23
Simply TIRED!
I have been here in and out for a month or so, I have posted and replied to posts and tried to get to the online meetings. I seem to do great for 5 or 6 days (with a very positive attitude) then I collapse into drepression and end up drinking again.
This last for only a day or two before I pick myself back up and begin another attempt at sobriety.
Does this cycle ever end? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow or am I simply chasing a never ending story?
I feel so hopeless and alone.....I just want to lock myself in my home with my kids (dogs and cats) and shut the outside world out for good!
It's a mean and nasty place!!
I'm tired of it all!
This last for only a day or two before I pick myself back up and begin another attempt at sobriety.
Does this cycle ever end? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow or am I simply chasing a never ending story?
I feel so hopeless and alone.....I just want to lock myself in my home with my kids (dogs and cats) and shut the outside world out for good!
It's a mean and nasty place!!
I'm tired of it all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
You need to identify your triggers that cause you to tip the other way. Once you recognize these triggers, you can develop coping skills that address those triggers. Through recognition of the triggers (and the actions/emotions) you can be pre-emptive about your cycle and not allow yourself to continue on a destructive cycle. Hopefully through recognition and treatment of the triggers you can reduce/eliminate your relapses. Eventually you'll break your destructive cycle, and hopefully get yourself in a healthier pattern.
-pedagogue
-pedagogue
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi Lvn,
I had exactly the same cycle thing going for a long time before I was able to stop for good. For me, what caused me to return to drinking was the feeling of unease that came with thinking I actually might do this. I was more comfortable with failure than I was with success. It was familiar, even if it felt bad, I was comfortable with it. Succeeding at something was a cause for anxiety and would be a trigger to drink again.
I don't know if that helps at all, but I sure understand your frustration at the cycle thing and I hope you hang in there and beat it.
Anna
I had exactly the same cycle thing going for a long time before I was able to stop for good. For me, what caused me to return to drinking was the feeling of unease that came with thinking I actually might do this. I was more comfortable with failure than I was with success. It was familiar, even if it felt bad, I was comfortable with it. Succeeding at something was a cause for anxiety and would be a trigger to drink again.
I don't know if that helps at all, but I sure understand your frustration at the cycle thing and I hope you hang in there and beat it.
Anna
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Honey...
I will pray that you find the willingness to be willing...
It takes time for our poor bodies and minds to adjust to all the ups and downs we have put it through.. to the actual physical withdrawal from the drug (alcohol).
A combination of alcoholism and clinical depression kept me holed up in my home for over two years, my psych. dr. told me I had to start getting support from a group like AA or other recovery program or he would not be able to help me much longer...I told him I would try to find something on-line, I was not even ready to attend any kind of face to face setting... I found this place (amen) and slowly started to get out of my shell of lonely misery.. a few months later I was able to reluctantly drag myself to a face to face AA meeting... (I had been in & out of the doors for almost 10 years) I was willing to accept help and support from my fellow alcoholics... i started to heal and in turn be able to give it back...
An old timer loves to tell us "Time Takes Time"
You are not alone and i do believe you can do this
I will pray that you find the willingness to be willing...
It takes time for our poor bodies and minds to adjust to all the ups and downs we have put it through.. to the actual physical withdrawal from the drug (alcohol).
A combination of alcoholism and clinical depression kept me holed up in my home for over two years, my psych. dr. told me I had to start getting support from a group like AA or other recovery program or he would not be able to help me much longer...I told him I would try to find something on-line, I was not even ready to attend any kind of face to face setting... I found this place (amen) and slowly started to get out of my shell of lonely misery.. a few months later I was able to reluctantly drag myself to a face to face AA meeting... (I had been in & out of the doors for almost 10 years) I was willing to accept help and support from my fellow alcoholics... i started to heal and in turn be able to give it back...
An old timer loves to tell us "Time Takes Time"
You are not alone and i do believe you can do this
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Livin:
For me the cycle ended when I found AA and began working a program of recovery. Since I got serious and made a commitment to do whatever it takes to stay sober, I have not had to ride that rollercoaster of feeling OK, drinking, feeling guilty, drinking, etc. It sucks. You do not have to do it that way.
For me, AA helped me discover that I have a thinking and living problem, and that drinking was a symptom. If I don't take care of the thinking/living piece, I'm surely going to end up drunk as a result. So, today -- to the best of my ability I practice these principles in all my affairs...
The cycle can stop -- there are plenty of us who have been there and done that...
Ken
For me the cycle ended when I found AA and began working a program of recovery. Since I got serious and made a commitment to do whatever it takes to stay sober, I have not had to ride that rollercoaster of feeling OK, drinking, feeling guilty, drinking, etc. It sucks. You do not have to do it that way.
For me, AA helped me discover that I have a thinking and living problem, and that drinking was a symptom. If I don't take care of the thinking/living piece, I'm surely going to end up drunk as a result. So, today -- to the best of my ability I practice these principles in all my affairs...
The cycle can stop -- there are plenty of us who have been there and done that...
Ken
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Bristol WI
Posts: 1
I know what you are talking about
I have been fighting the cycle myself for some time. It seems that my best friends are my dog and two cats. I really don't think that is so bad. I would like to enlist a goat and perhaps a horse too.
I too am sober for several days, and then something just tells me to have a drink...that's ok for a day or two then it turns into 12 a day. I feel so wonderful when I am not drinking that I am not sure why I begin again!
It seems to be a never-ending question...
I too am sober for several days, and then something just tells me to have a drink...that's ok for a day or two then it turns into 12 a day. I feel so wonderful when I am not drinking that I am not sure why I begin again!
It seems to be a never-ending question...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Dubh Linn - Ireland
Posts: 455
I love what Kelkel reminded me of - Time takes Time. It really really does and impatience can be so difficult to deal with. But it is just one day at a time for all of us. My triggers are called stressors. I am fine in the stressful situation - brilliant even - but then I would relax and then the rest was history.
This was a recurring pattern up to 22nd Dec 2004........If I can and so many other hard cases can, then YOU CAN!
This was a recurring pattern up to 22nd Dec 2004........If I can and so many other hard cases can, then YOU CAN!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
i am one of those who had to do recovery with the same commeitment i used to drink and use.
i used to drive/ride all over to score or to party - now i go to any lenghts to find a meeting.
I used to accept ANY drug or mixed drink from anybody [i gotta fren who sez he was his groups 'quality control'!!] Now i accept direction from those with more recovery time than me...
i used to drive/ride all over to score or to party - now i go to any lenghts to find a meeting.
I used to accept ANY drug or mixed drink from anybody [i gotta fren who sez he was his groups 'quality control'!!] Now i accept direction from those with more recovery time than me...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Somewhere, WA
Posts: 11
LIU,
I go through the same thing. But, gradually, each time I get more demoralized and more determined to work harder on my program. And, I'm continuing to improve, thankfully. I realize that it's "sink or swim" for me. If I don't stay on top of this there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I'm really glad I found AA. I WISH I had done so 10 years earlier. But, I just have to ACCEPT what is today and deal with it. Basically, I know that if I drink there will be no hope... Keep at 'em!
I go through the same thing. But, gradually, each time I get more demoralized and more determined to work harder on my program. And, I'm continuing to improve, thankfully. I realize that it's "sink or swim" for me. If I don't stay on top of this there is no light at the end of the tunnel for me. I'm really glad I found AA. I WISH I had done so 10 years earlier. But, I just have to ACCEPT what is today and deal with it. Basically, I know that if I drink there will be no hope... Keep at 'em!
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