Tornado

Well, I saw my psychiatrist today and we talked about crap that eventually led him to that fateful question: "and how's the Nytol?" I blurted out that I'd taken to using it recreationally because of the things that have had me worried, lately. He knew I was taking it but he drove it home, today...he read me the potential damage self-medicating can do and said that Nytol is akin to cocaine. Well, I had no idea about that. I know people have ground up pills and sniffed them, but I was quite ignorant to the damage I was doing. And it's funny...I know this and want soooooo bad to quit, but I just loved how it made me feel. Anyway, the crappy thing was that the Nytol counter-acted any good the Paxil was doing for me...so it's all that much more important for me to quit. My shrink gave me a new med to boost the Paxil and get the Nytol out of my system (my last hit was about 9:30am)...I took the new pill about 2 hours ago and really...I've already noticed that I'm quite mellow. Of course, it wouldn't have been like that if I wasn't already on the Paxil; I'd probably be shaky & nervous, but I'm not (at least not yet...I hope it stays this way). I also hope I can sleep, tonight.

The big news is that I came clean to my mother, this evening. She wasn't angry at all! She said, "give me the rest of the Nytol" and she pitched it. I know this is just the beginning...I've been through it all before. The hardest part hasn't started, yet...like...fighting the urges to head to the store and pick up more pills. And the days, weeks, and months that follow.

I am terrified. But I want this so badly, I want my life back.

michski

You will get your life back.. stay clean, stick close to your program and stick with the winners!

TRISH1011

I am confused...isn't Nytol a downer and cocaine an upper?

hopealwayz

You just took a huge step forward. Keep walking ahead.