i'm new and just need to share
 

i'm new here, i've been in recovery for about 3 months now.
it was forced though, i was arrested and i'm facing serious charges that will most likely land me in prison for a year or two, my name and face were plastered all over the tv and in the papers and have since been sacked and disowned by all my friends, my immediate family have stuck by my though.
for the first few days i thought of nothing else but suicide, but then on my way to work i heard a story about a sex offenders counseling centre nearby and realized that i had a choice to die or get better, so i thought i'd give the counseling a go.
the people there were incredible, they treated me as person and not as an evil criminal and have supported and guided me through this hellish experience. for the first month i was still in denial, it was really hard to come to terms with what i did do (voyeurism and possession of child porn,unclothed only), this is really hard to admit on the WWW. i'm not an evil person, just incredibly messed up. just this last month i'm beginning to feel again and the impulse to offend is dissappearing by the day. i'm in a group therapy fo sex offenders and i'm doing weekly counseling sessions where we do regression therapy, reconnecting with my childhood traumas. my counselor lent me the book FACING CO-DEPENDANCE by pia mellody, which is very enlightening.
i'm currently in my mid thirties and have had many addictions in my life, i started drinking when i was thirteen i started taking hard drugs when i was twenty, took up smoking in my twenties, began hair pulling (my own) in my twenties, i'm addicted to porn/masturbation and food (not at the same time though:wink3: ) . i have given up drugs and smoking, i havent had a drink in 3 months and i'm working on the others. i'm working very hard on my problems, i feel i owe it to myself and to society to be a better person. i dont want to go to prison but it's something that i must prepare for, my legal process is very slow, i just wish i could go in today because that would mean i would get out sooner and i would finally be able to start my new life. so for the time being i hope you dont mind me hanging around? i know my crimes are serious, but i am so sorry and i just want to get better!

thanks for listening, i feel very frustrated today, i have no friends to share this with and i'm trying not to bottle things up. i am very happy and proud of myself for the growth that i have acheived in this short time, i have many happy days and plenty of sad days.
today i am sad!
i hope all that made sense, i was too drunk during my school years to learn good english and writing skills.
all the best
brad

Hi there Brad,

I just wanted to say welcome to SR. My main addiction is alcohol, but you will meet people struggling and working on many different problems here. It sounds like you are sincerely putting effort into making change in your life...congratulations, and trust that that is enough for now.

Best for your continued recovery.

Brad
Welcome!! IT's great to have you here - I hope you decide to stick around...
You will find a great deal of love and support here on SR
Cathy31
x

Welcome to SR, Brad. None of us here are bad people trying to get good, but sick people trying to get well.

Pull up a chair and stay awhile.

--phinny

Brad,
WELCOME!
Thanks for your oppenness, honesty and the desire to get well (some never do)!
I agree with Phinneas...none of us are bad, though many of us have done things in our past that we regret. We can't change that (though we wish we could), we can only change our futures by coming to terms with our addictions, taking the steps to get well and making amends with others. It sounds like you are on the right track for all of those things....*Hat's off to you*
Good luck...hope to see ya' around...this is a wonderful site!
PEACE

Hi Brad
Welcome to SR...
You have quite a road ahead of you, but is sounds like you have decided to make some positive changes in your life.
I know it was not easy to come here and be honest about your situation and for that I salute you....

Here are three links to site's you may find helpful in your journey to recovery.

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/

http://www.no-porn.com/

http://www.visionmiami.com/articles/sexheal/

Hi, Brad, and welcome.

I'm ChrisMan and my primary addiction is sex/porn addiction, accompanied by abusive use of alcohol and sometimes drugs. I could relate to so much of what you have been saying. I had a recent relapse, a bad and scary one, and now I've got some counseling going and, like you, will be part of a program to help me connect with some issues buried since childhood.

SA (Sexaholics Anonymous) and SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) both have websites you can check out. There is also Secret Addictions website, which is also very good.

For me, I am only now discovering how necessary it is to have a sponsor, someone you can call on the phone and talk with directly and hear his voice. Mine kept me sober, especially last weekend.

Hope all goes well with your recovery. All of us are just trying to keep going one day at a time. Welcome!!
:bananadan

thanks for listening/reading and for your messages.

it was really hard to write what i did, all through my life i have always had deep dark secrets, when i had the media exposure it was very traumatic hearing a newsreader disscuss your deepest darkest secret for everyone to hear, but there was a strange sense of relief as it was no longer a secret, as now everyone knew, it was embarrasing but still a relief. it still is hard, but only because i am still trying to understand it, but the more i say say it, the more i understand!
i am sure that my story will change with time, as i grow in understanding of what i have done and the impact it has had on myself, my victims, my family, my friends and on society itself.
so today i am felling better, it bit less pressure having told my story openly to you all. i am fighting hard at the moment with my addictions, AM I TAKING ON TOO MUCH FIGHTING THREE ADDICTIONS AT ONCE? i am doing my best to stay out of my head and stay in the moment...


i am doing ok, staying in the moment does help. my counselor also taught me a great technique, comforting/hugging the inner child, in those moments of fear or sadness just to visualize yourself hugging or just comforting yourself as a child, it works very well.
i remember sitting in the back of the police detectives car after having had my house searched, i told the detective that the internet was an evil place, that is how i felt at that time, it was just about pornography, but now i am starting to feel different about it, finding forums like this is incredible for me, i no longer feel a need to make an excuse to go on the internet.
so thanks to all for being part of this great forum!
brad
ps i think i might treat my self and go see a film, IN GOOD COMPANY

Welcome Brad Glad You're Here

Chris

hey hon and welcome here i'm kinda new myself trying to keep up with everything wow
sometimes the greatest fight in the world is 1 ppl are afraid of or question if they can win but its always the 1 worth fiten.
i use to tell everyone i knew
what does not kill me makes me stronger then i figured out that what i was saying was my excuse for using when in reality i was basically planning my future in recovery and im lot stronger now
lolol for kicks i watch Bob the Builder "Can we fix it, YES we can" :bananadan

Becca

U don't know how much I admire your honesty, it takes a lot, your so brave. you should pat yourself on the back.

I hope you keep up with your recovery and find all the help you need. this is a wonderful place. soon you'll feel at home here, and find the ppl here are so genuine. It touches your heart.

i hope u find what you need. God bless.



Mo xx