Ama

Hope - our disease is allllllllllllllllll about obsession. We get rid of one and then take up another whether is be person, place, substance, thing. The unifying fact is that we are powerless over these things. We just must let go.......

Take heart from all the good will being sent your way..........

nutz

acceptence hope...it was bitch to accept that I was an addict/alki.
I love getting wacked out of my freaken mind.

I got loaded the day I got married
I got loaded the day I got a divorce
I got loaded when I got laid
I got loaded when I didn't get laid.
I got loaded when I was happy...wheewwwhoooo paaarty!!
I got loaded when I was sad..ppooorr me...pour me a drink!!
Got loaded when I got hired for a job..wheewhooo paARDYYY!!
Got loaded when they fired me...buastures.lol

dAMN IT !!!..IT stopped working for me.
At the age of 23 at that.
WTF ???..how come I can't wait until me an old fart like old timers.lol

will.....If no nutz...no nutt'in

It's better anywayz....being clean and sober is a freaken trip N 1/2
Sumetime I feel like I'm on a bad, bad acid trip
other times..I feel like I can't stop luaghting cuz i'm Soooo hAppy.
and there is a different...misery and sobereity
Being high on life. I've lived more than I could ever imagined.
I feel every drops of my tears
I feel every dance of my soul
AND there's hopealwayz !

hopealwayz

Nutz, that was so beautiful and so true!

Being able to feel is a beautiful gift to us. We miss out on so much by staying numb. We are given another chance to reclaim what this damn disease tried so hard to take away.

Life is a special thing--how blessed we are to get to witness the miracles of every day life.

hopeitsover

Hi Hope,

You wrote:

"I am asking God to remove the pain and help me to be strong in my life."

It has been my experience that asking God what He/She/It could do for me was self-centered and bore little fruit. Instead, when in times of trouble, if I ask the God of my understanding what He/She/It would have me do....then the magic happens. It's not easy but with practice it gets easier.

I like to paraphrase John F Kennedys' statement: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

This morphs into "Ask not what your higher power can do for you, ask what you can do for your Higher Power."

I find strength and direction in the humility of asking for the God of my understandings' will.

hopealwayz

Need lots of hugs today.

Im Sticking around with all of you!

exlibris

Well, my hugs are on the way Hope! :-)

Hang in there.

Richard

hopealwayz

Thanks for the hugs Richard!

Hope you are doing well today.

hopealwayz

I'm on day 4 and finally feeling a little bit better. I'm listening to the thunder right now and it is really nice to just sit here and relax for a little bit.

hopealwayz

Life is full of small miracles. Let us open our eyes today and see what life has to offer us.

Lots of loving heading your way,

Hope

hopealwayz

I handle siuations so much better while I'm sober. When I'm using, my head just turns into a huge, jumbled mess and can't seem to function right in situations. He is gonna be coming back by to see me in able 3 months if I stay sober, I can deal with this so much better.

My head is a jungle right now so cluttered from the aftermath of picking up. I know that I'll feel better in a few months, or even just a few weeks. I can't really say the magic time for feeling better. Maybe next week or the week after.

*BUT* today is what I'm on now so I'm just gonna get things right today. so much to do so little time. But, HEY, I'm sober and very grateful today for the little things.

I'm a happy camper I guess you could say! LOL, see I'm getting back to my silly self.

hopealwayz

It's amazing because I don't even want to use today! No cravings and I'm feeling stronger. Tomorrow will be day 5 and it is amazing the small miracles that are happening in my life.

I got a surprise a bit earlier. I guy from work called and asked me out for tonight. Unfortunately, I cannot go with him because I have sooooo much studying to do for tomorrow. he is a really nice guy and he goes to church. I am kind of interested but I'm so scared.

hopealwayz

I got sucked back into his trap, yet everytime I try to talk to him, he is moody and irritable. His feelings are his own and how I react to that is my choice. I won't let him get me down.

I know in my heart that I need to move on if he stays like this. I don't deserve to be hurt. He says that it is just how he is and he can't help it. He just has an attitude with life and I can't stand to be around this negativity right now.

When I go a few days without calling him, he calls me. How can I avoid the desire to call him back. It drives me crazy to see his calls on the phone and not return them. I guess I care about his feelings getting hurt, but it isn't always the other way around.

paigem2000

Hi Hope,

I know how hard this is and I am sending hugs your way. Why not start keeping yourself busy...out of your routine. Grab a great book and head out to a coffee shop or a park. Stay busy and active. It will be good for you to change your routine, and you can't answer the phone if you aren't there! I had to change lots of things about my "normal" routine because my "normal" routine was all about drinking. Start taking some time for yourself. You will be sooooo glad you did. Congrats on the 5 days! Stay strong. You can do this! Paige

spooky

Hope,

Congrats on day 6!!! I know it feels really good. It's great to hear about your invitation. I'm sure that was a boost to have someone other than "him" interested in you.
Thank you so much for listening to me rant and rave I really needed a friend who 'knows' about the beast. I have to admit that I haven't been as strait and narrow as I should be, but, I have NOT gone on a drinking binge! Right now for me that is a positive. Also when I did drink. I stoped at 3 and that is almost a miracle for me. I pray I will be able to focus on the sobriety when I don't have the depression killing me.
Love Georgia

spooky

Hi Hope,

check in and let us know how you're doing. I did drink on Sat but, not Fri or Sun. Actually had more of a weekend than I use to when I drank both days right down and they were gone before I knew it. My body seems to have calmed down a little bit. This weekend the crying wasn't bad, only one episode. I'm gonna ask my husband if he wants to go to a meeting with me tonight. I'm still too chicken to go by myself. Have you been to any meetings? At least I"ve stuck with exercising. The endorphins help with the wild mood swings I'm suffering lately. I believe I would do so much better staying sober if I could just get this emotional chaos under control. I'm just gonna take a chance when I go see the Physcologist and lay it out on the table and pray she can get me started.. I'm thinking about you and I hope you are doing okay and not hurting any more over "him". You are a great person and it's hard to see you sufer the way you have been.
I'm pulling for you!

Love Georgia

hopealwayz

He is leaving on June 24 which is exactly 2 weeks. It is so sad to see him go. But, on the other hand, he has been so mean to me lately. He has been stressed out over a lot of stuff and has been grumpy and unpleasant to talk to.

I called him on it yesterday, he apologized, but still was a bit irritable. It is like he is taking his stress and frustrations out on other people, but this is his stuff to deal with.

Well, just because he choosed to be self-absorbed in his anger and won't let go doesn't mean that he has to take me along for the ride. So, until he can find other ways of handing his stuff, I'm out of his messes.
Hehe, this is MY life to live, I won't be dictated by others' emotions.

wantneeda

yes!!!!
no one makes us feel anything, we choose our reactions, thought=feeling=action
If you love something
set it free
if it comes back, it's yours
if it doesn't , it never was.
Keep your thoughts on your recovery Hope, we here for you!!! Never forget that!!
I was told not to get into a relationship for at least and i stress, least, a year, some even say 4 years!!! holy
If i could keep a plant alive for a year...then i'd be ok to get a pet....
well i'm workin on day 366 here,,,i have 3 plants that are alive!!!
my daughter and i talked about fish yesterday...lol
Being single has its advantages and not...
When God sees fit for it to happen...have faith!!!!!
hugs & hugs Wendy