Cathy31

Hi Hope
You were obviously really struggling, sorry that you feel bad today. Belive it or not, it COULD be worse - it could be a WHOLE lot worse - you could have gone missing for weeks, months even years! Instead you are right back here with us - and that is brave and awesome and one day - I think in the not too distant future - you won't have to do a day 1 again (no such thing as day 0!)
Well done for making it back so quick
loveCathy31
x

hopealwayz

Its even worse now after using over it. Big regret.

I failed one of my classes too. I worked hard and still failed. Everything is just going wrong for me.

hopealwayz

At least I know that I never have to feel this way again.
If only I make it thru this.

I have tested the waters before and failed...I knew better. I don't know why I had to go do it again..or I know, ADDICTION...

I have to get out of this sad cycle. My life depends on it.

BSPGirl

Heartache is a horrible pain, I know all about it, really, one of the reasons I started to use heavily was that my long time gf left me. Up to this day it still hurts, my life's screwed up, I don't know really what to do but I keep going and keep staying alive and clean, I feel that's the only thing I can do. Take care *hugs*

hopealwayz

Thanks. Heartache is a terrible thing.

I called him earlier and told him that he could have called me back like he said he would. I was like "well thanks for hurting me again." When I tried to call him back, went straight to voicemail so I assumed he turned off his phone even though he said he didn't .

He is angry again. Notice a repeating pattern here? But it might be my fault. Trying to stay clean is testing me to my limits.

hopealwayz

I always screw things up. Pray that I can get things together.

BSPGirl

No, it's not your fault, you're doing the right thing.

pedagogue

Sobriety is a 1-day at a time battle.

Keep reading/posting. Stay connected. Stay sober.

-pedagogue

kckman

Hope, It happens time to get back on your feet again a day at a time.

2dayzmuse

Is it time to get off of this Merry-Go-Round ride yet? It's a viscous circle. What are you going to do differently next time? Time to use the tools you've learned. Relapse is a terrible thing. It will continue to make you feel horrible each and every time. Nothing changes unless you make changes. Yes Hope, I'm sorry to say "I do see a pattern here".

hopealwayz

I have to get off of the merry go round. It is much too painful there.

Maybe I just had to hit my bottom. This is the lowest bottom that I want to hit. It is almost too much for me to bear. I'm stepping back into the warm arms of recovery and I'm going to do everything differently.

I'm ashamed and embarrased to be at SR right now after this last relapse.

hopealwayz

Surrendering to win.

3legacy

(((((((HOPE)))))))))

Surrendering and reliance always beats compliance.

Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service

Val-light

Well, Hope, it pains me to know that you're embarrassed to return here because of a relapse. We DO care about you here. I relapsed yesterday in a big way and it does me a lot of good to be able to come here for support. I just wish I'd get here BEFORE I relapse and ask for help instead of after.
Anyway, Hope, please hang in there. I know you're working really hard to stay clean. You can do it!
Val

hopealwayz

Only embarrased because I've relapsed like a million times now. Each time taking more and more from me. In retrospect, when I dust myself off, I belong here.

It it just my head and beating myself up. I was probably embarrased to look at myself in the mirror. I have to stop beating myself up and be more gentle with myself.

hopealwayz

Think I just need to talk some time for myself. I need to do what I can to take care of *ME*.

Cathy31

Hope
I have realised that relapsing is more than just about using. I 've realised that for me it actually gnaws at the fabric of my soul. I think once we have acknowledged our addiciton, there's no such thing as oh, I just feel like getting high/getting drunk for FUN I can handle it. Big learning curve for me. BIG.
Cathy31
x

spooky

Hi Hope,

The ground I'm on has been really shakey lately. I"m holding steady this morning and wanted to check in on you. I sent a PM to you when I was up for 2 days with no sleep. Hope you got it. Would love to hear from you and hope you've eased up on yourself a bit. Let's embrace the weekend as an opportunity to show our strenght....weekends use to mean let go and enjoy the buzz. What a different world it is now....much better one.
Love and hugs your way!!
Georgia

hopealwayz

Cathy, AMEN! You hit the nail right on the head!! Once we realize addiction for what it is, then we can never use and feel good about our decision. The realization of addiction stays deep within our core and pulls us down into guilt.

Georgia, we can do this together. We are gonna make it thru the weekend clean and sober. Let's start with today and go from there. It will get better. Let's believe in that.

Hugs-- (((SR A-Z)))

Grateful recovering addict here! Lots of love to my special friends!

paigem2000

Hi Hope,

I hope you are having a much better day today. I have been thinking about you, but I have not been on SR too much this week. I hope things are improving. One day at a time...that is how recovery works...AND the mending of a broken heart. Take some time for you. You will be glad you did!! Are you going to meetings? PM me if you need to!

Paige