AA Meltdown
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
AA Meltdown
Okay, so I decided to go to an AA Open Speaker meeting tonight. I've been to AA meetings before, but this is the first one in over 3 years and the first since my new sobriety (6 days!). I got there a little early and sat down. People started to file in little by little. It was a small group -- probably 20 people or so. I started to feel very emotional and had a little tear. I felt more tears welling up so I went to the bathroom. I got to the bathroom and just started crying... I couldn't stop. I wasn't sure what all the emotion was but I think part of it was feeling very vulnerable and alone. I went back to the room and got my jacket and left -- all before the meeting even started. I felt like such a failure. I wanted to swing by the liquor store on my way home, but knew in my heart I didn't want that. I wanted to stop the lonely feeling, but made myself go straight home. I'm going to try again tomorrow. I was so taken aback by my reaction. I was really looking forward to hearing the speaker since I really need the fellowship right now. Just wanted to share my AA meltdown. Hope the other newbies who were going to their first meetings had a better experience.
Kathy "AA Dropout"
Kathy "AA Dropout"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: brandon man, canada
Posts: 258
MNGIRLYGIRL.Please don,t give up you made it that far jest keep trying it well get easier.That was a big step to do yourself.So try again tomorrow or even the next day you can do it.So good luck and i wish the best for you..
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Hey just wanted to say don't feel like a failure. I must have went to a half a dozen meetings and never made it out of the parking lot!! 
At least you made it inside!! When we are using it numbs our emotions so much that when we stop sometimes they just come out uncontrolably. I wouldn't worry about it too much. So you catch a meeting tomorrow, the important thing is you resisted the urge to drink when I'm sure it was unbelievablly powerful. I for one am proud of you for that. Take care and catch a meeting tomorrow.
Peace,
Tyler
At least you made it inside!! When we are using it numbs our emotions so much that when we stop sometimes they just come out uncontrolably. I wouldn't worry about it too much. So you catch a meeting tomorrow, the important thing is you resisted the urge to drink when I'm sure it was unbelievablly powerful. I for one am proud of you for that. Take care and catch a meeting tomorrow.Peace,
Tyler
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Makati Philippines
Posts: 2
13 years ago i went to my first AA meeting and stayed in the room for another 5 minutes and the miracle happened. But for the Grace of God I have not had a drink since that night on November 06, 1991 and for that I'm really truly greatful
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
W Wow!
Good for you..the main thing is you stayed away from a drink.
You did much better than I.
I left my 1st Speakers meeting. I was not that sick!
Stayed drunck for 2/3 years. Then I was that sick.
You are doing great.
You did much better than I.
I left my 1st Speakers meeting. I was not that sick!
Stayed drunck for 2/3 years. Then I was that sick.
You are doing great.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Middle of Nowhere, USA
Posts: 210
Hey,
Good job at not drinking on the way home...!
How did today go with the meeting??
When I first went to a meeting it was New Years Eve and there was a party going on at my house. I made it through the meeting but went straight to the liquor store on the way home, I gained nothing.
It just goes to show that it doesn't matter so much what's going on externally as much as it matters internally. You accomplished more in that 5 minutes before the meeting than I managed in my first few months!!
Keep up the good work!
Stacey aka Csmcjewl
Good job at not drinking on the way home...!
How did today go with the meeting??
When I first went to a meeting it was New Years Eve and there was a party going on at my house. I made it through the meeting but went straight to the liquor store on the way home, I gained nothing.
It just goes to show that it doesn't matter so much what's going on externally as much as it matters internally. You accomplished more in that 5 minutes before the meeting than I managed in my first few months!!
Keep up the good work!
Stacey aka Csmcjewl
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
(((Kathy)))
You went and that is what counts... so you became overwlemed with emotions...that is normal when we start to get sober... please don't be so hard on yourself... you are making progress, you have 6-days, you did NOT stop at the liquor store...you are planning on going tomorrow.
All in all it was a good day...
You went and that is what counts... so you became overwlemed with emotions...that is normal when we start to get sober... please don't be so hard on yourself... you are making progress, you have 6-days, you did NOT stop at the liquor store...you are planning on going tomorrow.
All in all it was a good day...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: lake oswego, oregon
Posts: 2
Keep looking up Kathy! There's been times when I've walked into them speaker meetings after taking a few drinks. And I do mean alot of drinks. Imagine how that could of felt. So, I do understand your sadness and frustration. It does sound like your true self was touched deeply by your decision to take this important step to changing your life though. And that's what counts.
You're on the way to putting this all behind you. Go for it!
Best regards,
SN
You're on the way to putting this all behind you. Go for it!
Best regards,
SN
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
(((((((((Kathy))))))))))
Congratulations on one week. Had I been at that meeting I would have been disappointed. Disappointed cuz you left. I could have used your tears to open up a few of my own.
Become a Drop-In, tears or no tears as the case may be we want you with US.
Congratulations on one week. Had I been at that meeting I would have been disappointed. Disappointed cuz you left. I could have used your tears to open up a few of my own.
Become a Drop-In, tears or no tears as the case may be we want you with US.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Hi Kathy,
There's no shame in tears. My first time in treatment I cried on and off for the first three days! Like Tyler said, all that supressed emotion needs to come out. I always feel better after a good cry. And you'll have plenty more chances to go to meetings. Your night was a victory! Congrat's on one week!!
Doorknob
There's no shame in tears. My first time in treatment I cried on and off for the first three days! Like Tyler said, all that supressed emotion needs to come out. I always feel better after a good cry. And you'll have plenty more chances to go to meetings. Your night was a victory! Congrat's on one week!!
Doorknob
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
The early day's of recovery are highly emotional, your right where your supposed to be. Just keep going back! Your not alone, I had my meltdown 6 months into recovery. Just stick with it, remain determined, I promise, it will get better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
Originally Posted by Chy
The early day's of recovery are highly emotional, your right where your supposed to be.
Keep going back, even if it is only for 10 minutes the next day, and then 15 the next day...etc. If you keep going to the meetings and not the liquor store...you are winning the battle. One day at a time.
-pedagogue
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
kathy
fear of my emotions kept me chenically numb for an awfully long time
a powerful and loving sponsor [biker, of course!] showed me that by never acknowledging my own tenderness, i had cut myself off from a huge part of my human-ness.
I've cried at plenty of meetings.
it aint a meltdown.
its a gift
hugs
mackat
fear of my emotions kept me chenically numb for an awfully long time
a powerful and loving sponsor [biker, of course!] showed me that by never acknowledging my own tenderness, i had cut myself off from a huge part of my human-ness.
I've cried at plenty of meetings.
it aint a meltdown.
its a gift
hugs
mackat
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 77
(((Kathy)))
So sorry to hear of your emotional AA experience. Hey- what are you doing tonight? We have a chili cookoff and cribbage tourney at my AA club at 7pm...you wanna come with me? I'll PM you!
Hang in there dear!
Renee
So sorry to hear of your emotional AA experience. Hey- what are you doing tonight? We have a chili cookoff and cribbage tourney at my AA club at 7pm...you wanna come with me? I'll PM you!
Hang in there dear!
Renee
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 77
While we have had unseasonably beautiful weather lately, I would have to say staying in 80's and sunny weather would be wise. In fact, I would have to kick your butt if you came here and left that! 
kidding...only kidding!
Renee
kidding...only kidding!
Renee
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