Has this ever happened to anyone?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: getting closer
Posts: 24
Has this ever happened to anyone?
okay, so i went to my first meeting today. it felt weird at first to be there and then i was really happy to be around people like me in person. this site was my first experience with other addicts/abusers and it prompted me to go to this meeting and see what it's all about. everyone is so positive and it makes me realize what a negitive life i had been leading. And for once, i might not be the most f*ed up person in the room .
This is what was really messed up: After the meeting i was outside and approached by a young guy, and he said it was his first time at a meeting too, and we started talking. i thought he was there for support but after talking for a while he said that he was there because he was court-ordered to go, assumed i was too (because i'm younger than most members?) and asked if i wanted to go out for a drink. (and not for coffee, he said he and his friend were on their way to the bar) What the f* is up with that??? i was there to get help and now i feel like i'm even more likely to meet people that want me to drink. will it ever stop?
This is what was really messed up: After the meeting i was outside and approached by a young guy, and he said it was his first time at a meeting too, and we started talking. i thought he was there for support but after talking for a while he said that he was there because he was court-ordered to go, assumed i was too (because i'm younger than most members?) and asked if i wanted to go out for a drink. (and not for coffee, he said he and his friend were on their way to the bar) What the f* is up with that??? i was there to get help and now i feel like i'm even more likely to meet people that want me to drink. will it ever stop?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
April -
I'm so sorry that you had that experience. I would have to guess that he's the exception rather than the rule - I've never had anyone offer to go out for a drink with me. For coffee, yes, but not for alcohol. You have to remember... AA is a human institution made up of human beings. They are all in different stages of recovery; some are not in recovery at all, like this young man. The program as a whole has not been like that for me; I'm sure others here can attest to that. I would certainly advise you not to hang around with this guy (something I'm sure you've figured out on your own)... and see if you can either find a different meeting or find some women to hang with - or both. Don't turn away from the program because of one bumble-headed fool.
Good for you for going to a meeting, though; I'm just sorry that had to happen!
All the best to you,
anne
I'm so sorry that you had that experience. I would have to guess that he's the exception rather than the rule - I've never had anyone offer to go out for a drink with me. For coffee, yes, but not for alcohol. You have to remember... AA is a human institution made up of human beings. They are all in different stages of recovery; some are not in recovery at all, like this young man. The program as a whole has not been like that for me; I'm sure others here can attest to that. I would certainly advise you not to hang around with this guy (something I'm sure you've figured out on your own)... and see if you can either find a different meeting or find some women to hang with - or both. Don't turn away from the program because of one bumble-headed fool.
Good for you for going to a meeting, though; I'm just sorry that had to happen!
All the best to you,
anne
Keep coming back - Yeah Right!
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 42
i dont know but drink couldve ment coffee, also remember that the rooms are full of very sick people. . . . stick with the women and the winners [the ones with plenty of clean time] if thier in recovery they will look after you not want to fu*k you. get womens numbers and stay safe, your doing brilliant. . x
Learning as I go
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 730
That is awful to happen there. I have never had anyone ask me that at a meeting and we do have a few court-ordered folks. Please don't let that person or any other person keep you from going back, or even to a different one. 99.9% of the people are there for only one reason and that is to recover.
Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing!
Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Charlottesville, Va
Posts: 632
If he's there only because he has "Higher Power Papers" to be signed for court, then chances are he was talking about getting messed up. This isn't for everyone who needs recovery, it's for the people who want it. Stick with the winners, the people who have sponsors and are working a program. Leave the rest behind.
Paige
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 48
April,
What I have learned in going to meetings, stick to those who are strong in their sobriety and have several years clean. This has really helped me, and these people tend to work a great program...AND, I learn so much from them. This guy may need AA, he just isn't ready for it. Don't let him tarnish your opinion of going to meetings. There is a great saying...Take what you need and leave the rest...Sounds like there was a lot of positive at your meeting, as well. Take from that, and keep going back!
Paige
What I have learned in going to meetings, stick to those who are strong in their sobriety and have several years clean. This has really helped me, and these people tend to work a great program...AND, I learn so much from them. This guy may need AA, he just isn't ready for it. Don't let him tarnish your opinion of going to meetings. There is a great saying...Take what you need and leave the rest...Sounds like there was a lot of positive at your meeting, as well. Take from that, and keep going back!
Paige
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: No man's land
Posts: 32
You'll meet some Aholes at meetings, I have also found a lot of Aholes with years of clean time, trying to get in womens pants, in my area there are also those who have to go to meetings(court ordered), don't let them stop you. There are more, who really WANT recovery! It takes a while to figure things out, so try to get a sponsor, home group, & phone lists, use them & stick with the ladies. Good luck & hang in there! 
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Good POST
sad but true, we can't keep the really sick ones out. I always thought they should court order the DUI offenders to go longer. This is for the people that want help, not for the people that need help.
Sad but, there are many that don't see the parallel between the drinking and drugging. Many people I've encountered wanted to do the Marijauna maintenance.
A Drug is a Drug is a Drug.
Good for you to ignore this guy. You keep concentrating on staying clean and sober.
You did good
sad but true, we can't keep the really sick ones out. I always thought they should court order the DUI offenders to go longer. This is for the people that want help, not for the people that need help.
Sad but, there are many that don't see the parallel between the drinking and drugging. Many people I've encountered wanted to do the Marijauna maintenance.
A Drug is a Drug is a Drug.
Good for you to ignore this guy. You keep concentrating on staying clean and sober.
You did good
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 628
Hi April,
I recognize some of what you are saying. It's best to attend the meetings with an open mind. The young man you speak of may have had to have a drink to face his anxiety about going to a meeting. Hopefullly, after he attends a few meetings and gets to know others, he can start attending sober. I pray he'll find his place and it looks like you're on your way as well.
Stay strong!
Val
I recognize some of what you are saying. It's best to attend the meetings with an open mind. The young man you speak of may have had to have a drink to face his anxiety about going to a meeting. Hopefullly, after he attends a few meetings and gets to know others, he can start attending sober. I pray he'll find his place and it looks like you're on your way as well.
Stay strong!
Val
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
April, I'm sorry that happened to you. I've never had anything like that happen to me at a meeting. Don't let him affect your opinions of the meeting. I admire you for doing what you know was right in that situation. Keep going back and stick with those that want to recover. You are doing beautifully!!
Clean & Serene Punk Rock Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: santa barbara, CA
Posts: 23
Sounds like he was practicing his 13th step...
This was one of those many obstacles that will be put in the way of you staying clean/sober. Unfortunately we can't control how other people behave, only how we choose to react to it. Get used to the "tests", they are everywhere, especially when you are a newcomer. Having a sponsor really helps when situations like that arise. Find other supportive women. My sponsor told me to remember that some men will try to grab your ass, but a woman will try to save it.
Keep coming back...
This was one of those many obstacles that will be put in the way of you staying clean/sober. Unfortunately we can't control how other people behave, only how we choose to react to it. Get used to the "tests", they are everywhere, especially when you are a newcomer. Having a sponsor really helps when situations like that arise. Find other supportive women. My sponsor told me to remember that some men will try to grab your ass, but a woman will try to save it.
Keep coming back...
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
Thst is probably the biggest problem with people being "court ordered" to meetings. I have very mixed feelings about the whole subject. A person can not stop until they are ready to stop. While it is possible that someone who is court ordered my luck out and hear something that resonates with them, I think most are just "doing their time". I know personally when I am forced to do something I will often do just the opposite just to spite you. Not very healthy, but I know I'm not the only one. It would be interesting to hear from people who have been court ordered to meetings, did it end up helping? Of course it may be a bit off here as most here are recovery minded, but it would make a good survey for someone.
Peace,
Tyler
Peace,
Tyler
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: a spiritual vortex, Colorado
Posts: 844
its nufortunate but true- one of the important things about the rooms is that they do mirror exactly what/who is 'out there'
we are not saints
the rooms have let me develop my 'radar' - that intuition 'bout things which used to baffle us. its true.
but if my disease can get me to always be lookin at the stuff i don't/won't agree with, then i will forget to look at the stuff that will keep me in recovery.
i agree w/ lostto- Very Important to find support whose motives are not suspect. When i got in the rooms i was not exactly brimming w/ self esteem, good judgement or well thought out boundaries. Getting a sponsor was me taking care of me.
BTW, one of the strongest guys around our rooms here was someone who was court ordered, made fun of, raged against etc etc. he says we just loved on him til he finally got it.
its also a hell of a good topic to share bout in the rooms- i remember when T said something to the effect-"heh- i'm going thru a ruff time and you SOBs that are grope/huggin me can go fluck yourselves"
she told me later that there were about 6 amends made to her that week!! more importantly, the newbie ladies got to feelin a good bit safer.
["why aren't there more women at our meeting ? " i get asked. "cause they're not safe from a bunch of you predatory aholes" i reply"and so i tell them to start more women only groups!!"]
later-
we are not saints
the rooms have let me develop my 'radar' - that intuition 'bout things which used to baffle us. its true.
but if my disease can get me to always be lookin at the stuff i don't/won't agree with, then i will forget to look at the stuff that will keep me in recovery.
i agree w/ lostto- Very Important to find support whose motives are not suspect. When i got in the rooms i was not exactly brimming w/ self esteem, good judgement or well thought out boundaries. Getting a sponsor was me taking care of me.
BTW, one of the strongest guys around our rooms here was someone who was court ordered, made fun of, raged against etc etc. he says we just loved on him til he finally got it.
its also a hell of a good topic to share bout in the rooms- i remember when T said something to the effect-"heh- i'm going thru a ruff time and you SOBs that are grope/huggin me can go fluck yourselves"
she told me later that there were about 6 amends made to her that week!! more importantly, the newbie ladies got to feelin a good bit safer.
["why aren't there more women at our meeting ? " i get asked. "cause they're not safe from a bunch of you predatory aholes" i reply"and so i tell them to start more women only groups!!"]
later-
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
