Smudge

This is the first event that I have been presented with, to meet up with some great friends for someones birthday. They are meeting at a bar. I really want to take the chance to see everyone, as we all lead busy lives and these occations are the only times we can all catch up.

I don't know how I will react when/if I go. I have been sober for 1 month.

I could really use some insite on this.
~JoAnne

CarolD

If you go... take an AA/non drinking friend along.

Go late and leave early.

If asked why you are not boozing...say you have a cold coming on.

Take change for the phone...call your sponsor if you get nutso.

however...

Not going is wiser. This will not be the final get together and next time will be easier with more sobriety.


Let us know how it works out.

JaySee

Hi JoAnne

In my early days I would have found it far too uncomfortable to go to a function like this. Even now I do not go to places where the main activity is drinking. I no longer drink - why spend my evening with a group that will be doing nothing but drink (if I am honest about it)

I have a great social life outside the bar/pub/club now and the friends that want to socialise outside the bar I see often - but not in a drinking place.

If you do go - have an escape plan - go for an hour and then treat yourself to some take away food on the way home. Drive to the place so you can leave anytime you want. Most of all though - look after yourself - put your sobriety and well being first - if you feel uneasy at all - stay in - or do something else.

much love
JC

Time4Me11

Hi JoAnne

I have just over a month also and have pretty much been avoiding social activities with drinking also...it just makes sense. On the occasions I did attend, I had a plan. First, if there are any of your friends that know your situation and are supportive, ask them to "chaperone." A great non-drinking friend did this a couple times for me. I also made sure not to show up early...no need to fill time...and left early.

I have also decided at the last minute not to go out if I was feeling in any way "wobbly" about the whole affair. Most people who had the same fears about attending their first social events report back that it was easier than they expected.

I was also happily surprised that noone really noticed..or didn't care...that I wasn't drinking booze. It is surprising that it can be such a non issue for "regular drinkers."

Whatever you decide about tonight, remember your sobriety is priority.

Best to you.

Time2Surrender

I like Carols idea.Bring an AA friend along.And like Jaysee said.if your really uncomfortable about this just dont go.

Smudge

Thanks for the suggestions. These are some very laid back, don't drink much friends- if it were some of my other "partyin'" friends, I would absolutly not even go, no second thoughts about it. I guess that is why i'm having a hard time with it. No one would care or even think twice if I wasn't drinking, although I was the "crazy fun one" of the group (cause I was the one that was totally wasted...) and that might spark some questions, but i've found in the last few weeks that I'm pretty honest about it to anyone who askes- that helps keep me honest I feel.

I feel really confident that I can go and not drink and have a great time- i'll be driving myself and can leave if I feel I need to. One of the girls there is one of my best friends and in my upcoming wedding, knows that I stopped drinking... so that will help alot too. Having not been in this situation before I knew you wonderful people would have very valubale insite to this...

I appreciate it, and i'm so grateful that I have this place to come to for support..

Thanks all- much love

Time2Surrender

Im grateful for this place too.And im glad your here with us.

Anna

Have fun Smudge! You sound well-prepared.

Love, Anna

Smudge

well, after much consideration, i'm not thinking it is a good idea.
Thanks for all of the good vibes folks!

Anna

Tough decision Smudge!

I know I couldn't have done it, no question in my mind. I hope you feel good about your choice.

Love, Anna

dave

Had the same thing happen to me last week.My sisters birthday was last thurs and she wanted me to be the driver so i went and it went ok.So keep your guard up and you should be ok.But like me i think i don,t want to make a habit of it.

CarolD

move...Way to go!!

Why not call your friend and arrage a meet...not in a bar?

Doing good JoAnne....

Cathy31

Hi Joanne

I think that was a really wise thing to do. As DAve said in time it's gonna be 'ok' to do that kind of stuff (ie meeting in a bar where the primary occupation is drinking) but one wouldn't want to make a habit of it. I had this one good friend who I only see about monthly and we used to go out for supper and have loads of wine and chat and laugh and carry on....well I happened to be in the city the other day and we met up last minute type thing I thought it would be better to go for a coffee but we ended up going for early supper and she was so sweet, we both had water and lime and sodas (didn't make it an issue or even mention it) and we had SUCH craic! We stayed for hours and we laughed so much we were both crying at times (that's what I do when I REALLY laugh!) and were there for hours - all sober! Imagine!

Also, being in a pub *someone* will try and convince you to drink...I had it the other day, a friend I hadn't seen, I was totally honest said I was in AA, I was just sick of the madness of my binge drinking and she was horrified! She said, no you don't need AA, you just overdo it sometimes like the rest of us, etc etc etc Luckily this was all done over email but imagine if we'd been in a bar, she'd had a few drinks, I was feeling wobbly ..well it wouldn't take much)

Anyway! I think it's a great decision - it CAN be done, but why put oneself through something like this unnecessarily early on.

WELL DONE on your 30 days, that is so awesome!!!

Well done and good for you!

Cathy31
x

Ama

So much good advice - I am going on a weeks hols next week and need to keep in touch with all the sound guidance here. I will have net access so you lot have the prize of being my true life line for that period.....if I am tempted which I am sure I will be you are going to know all about it I can assure you.

I will be with a friend who knows my whole story....drink, Bi-Polar etc so that is a little cushion and help too. Having a friend over to dinner tonight and he came last week too armed with chocolate and bottles of Coke.....very very helpful and no loss of wine at dinner for anyone. It was actually alll very normal. Normal people dont depend on booze so dont mind not having one you see. I know I am lucky that as I was a secret drinker, my friends are not boozers and this has helped sooo much as I havent had to change my social scene....

Hope the weekend is going well for alll. Must admit that I am sad today - I am a lapsed Catholic but the death of the Pope is an end to an era and I have/had immense respect for him. This is not meant to be religious but May he rest in eternal glory.....

Greatful2004

Where are you going Ama? I have to admit, I am so scared of holidays and things like that, they have always got me off track in the past. It's one of the things I know I have to work on in my recovery. For now, I am not even going to think about it.

Ama

I am off to see the Wizard, the wonderful wizard of OZ!!! Nah only joking.....my ex could have access to this site so I cannot tell my destination on the boards but it is a 15 hour flight away eekkkkk and no cigarette so lots of nicotene gum for me.

I did a weekend in NY at the end of Feb and that went fine so hopefully this will too but 8 days this time. I will be hiking next weekend and not a pub will be in sight so that is really good! I will be posting so will let you know how i am doing or crying for help and guidance as the case may be but on Wednesday I have 15 weeks and I am to come home with 16!!!!!!!

(((Greatful))) - you will get there I assure you, and these are practice runs too for me, as IF, my new business goes ahead, I will have quite abit of travel, so must learn how to cope with it you see - no alternative, as bills have to be paid :-( and that is just the way it is!!!

Thank you for your interest and hope the w/e is going easy on you

HPierce

well smudge sounds like you made the right choice i have done that very thing many times so far. i even went as far as sat in the parking lot 45 mins from my house where we were supposed to meet. ducking in the parking lot so noone would see me. then i decided to leave. thank god i did bc alot of people came into work the next day very hung over. who knows what could have happend. i probably would have been right there with them! keep on keeping on!!!