I want to use
 

I'm here telling on myself. I'm having those thoughts of using again and I've been having every part of HALT. I'm hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. I don't even feel like trying anymore. My life is falling apart. I'm hurting so much right now and I don't even know how to walk through it.

Hang in there Hope.You have a lotta people here who care about you.Using wont fix anything.Remember? God has a beautiful life planned for you.:)

Hi Hope
 

I am just back with 8 days Because I did Not share the secret
that I wanted to use and I Eventually used. . Please know we are
here for you. and Try to get to a Meeting Today !

Keegansdad

Hope, wanting to use is just a part of bieng addicted. The addict wants you to feed it. You know the results of feeding it will most likely lead to. See it for what it is. Stay strong the urges will come and go. You will a happier person if you choose to abstain. I have found if I except the fact that I am going to have those urges from my addict as long as i dont act on them I stay sober. We become sober a moment at a time. Stay strong the addict is harmless as long as we dont feed it. Feeding it willonly lead to diappointment and unhappiness. good luck stick with what has bee working for you and work it.

Hang in there hope. Don't use and keep posting here. We all care about you and don't want you to suffer, which is all that will happen if you use. Take care of yourself.

Jup.

This is a moment by moment thing. I'm just trying to figure life out sober. It is very hard at times. I'm scared of failing in college. I'm scared of losing my job. I'm scared that I am not going to have money to pay the bills. I am full of fear. Maybe for me, fear may be a trigger. Scared of dealing with things, so I have been running from them. Right now, I won't use. No matter what happens, if I start using again things will only get worse.

There are much worse things that could happen to me. I need lots of support today.

Love,
Hope

Hi Hope
I'm here for you. I know how you feel - get to that meeting. It's not worth it. I know how you feel because sometimes I just want to drink - and I know a meeting WILL take that feeling away - but I don't care about going to a meeting, because I want to drink! I don't even want the desire to be taken away - that's my addiction talking. SO get to a meeting - do you have someone you can call?
I can tell you for sure, that as T2S said God has a beautiful life planned for you. All those things that you are worried about WILL sort themselves out - just wait and see - and don't use. What about a nice long bubble bath? minute by minute you can do this. Please try and find a meeting so you can get some f2f support.
love
cathy31
x

When drinking or using life continued to happen and we remained oblivious to what went on around us or chose to ignore it. When sober we're not only dealing with those feelings we've numbed, but learning how to face life in a new light.

Many have had worst experiances sober then when drinking. Yet, they remained sober to face the challenges ahead. Nothing, and I mean nothing is worth picking up or using over again. You have many options now for coping, seek them out.

Hi Hope

As I was 23 yrs old when I had my last drink, I know what is like to be both young and newly sober.

In my case I had a lot of unreasonable expectations about myself, others and how life should be. I thought that I ought not have serious problems once I sobered up. Everytime I didn't meet my own unrealistically high expectations I unconsciously beat myself with self-loathing. And then I wanted relief from the feelings that I had created. So much so, that when I felt bad enough I wanted a drink on the remote possibilty it might relieve the way I felt.

I wasn't able to work it all out ahead of time. I had to stop drinking unconditionally and then work towards solving my problems and getting a realistic perspective of life.

Early on I needed to keep it simple and expect less of myself otherwise I wasn't going to make it.

If I haven't had a drink today I am successful. If I can't pay my bills and my wife runs off with the local football team, so be it. I doubt if you are a truly bad person who deserves to torture herself? Any chance of a gratitude list?

Andy

...and hope, does this look familiar?

"That stinkin' thinkin' always tries to lie to us to make picking up seem better than it is. Don't give in to these thoughts because once the first one is picked up, it is all downward spiral from there. It is never "just one". Just push through this thing head on and keep fighting. Do everything you can but don't pick up. Trust me, picking up the first one is not worth it and you will always regret it in the end. Trust me, I found out the hard way."

..it should you wrote it! ;)

Good advice - I had cravings last night and all the better today for having acknowledged them and fought through them to find another sober one.

Your post is really good for me because I am on my longest dry period and this serves as a reminder of, just how very very vulnerable I am with this disease......

Hang in dear Friend - you are being honest to yourself and that is part of recovery.....sending you amatronic best wishes to get through this......

Hope,

you said your life is falling apart. How is it falling apart? Someimes, we worry about the things that don't even come true. Getting wasted will not take care of any of your problems, it'll only magnify them.

F= FACE
E= EVERYTHING
A= AND
R= RECOVER

Part of recovery is having faith in a higher power. Staying sober and doing your school work, you can always get more money for school.

I quit my Junior year in college and went to work full time. The place I work at is not very stable. I can't get a good job w/o a degree. there aren't any good jobs out there unless, you get a god education.

You do what ever it is to get that degree. You can do it. We're all rooting for you. We know, you'll make us all proud. we have faith in you. You take that faith and turn it in to something positive.

Chris

Hey there Hope!!!!!! It's great that you are saying something and asking for help. That's (I think) one of the hardest things to do. I've got 10 years clean and sober and when I quit I didn't ask anyone for help I just did it on my own and I'll tell what even with ten years if I would have asked for help my life wouldn't have turned out to be the way it has, I was the typical dry drunk, or crack head take your pick. It sounds like you've really got alot on you're plate right now, maybe you should take a day and something that you really enjoy (that won't be a trigger) read a book, go for a walk, how bout just some good clean fun!!!!!!! Laughter is always the best Medicine

Hang In there,
Valkeryheart

Thanks for helping me get through this. The feeling is not as strong right now. This morning was the worst. Now I'm still sober by the grace of God and SR.
A gratitude list is in order. Thanks for reminding me what I am working so hard for.

Love,
Hope

hi Hope, just want to let u know i'm thinking of you and sending you love and strength!!!!! hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chy -- you said it! Drinking and using can only make things worse, never better. Thank you.

Ken

Hi Hope,
I'm glad you hung in there! It's not easy sometimes, especially when that devil gets in your head and tries to make you want a drink!

I'm so glad you posted instead of picking up!

(((Hope)))

You ARE getting through this - remember please that you did and hence you CAN!!!!! Brilliant personal progress.......

We all have those moments and admitting them is part of acceptance and acceptance of alcoholism is essential. We are powerless over alcohol and our lives are unmanageable with it.

Again I say - you are doing soooo wellllllllll staying sober one day at a time.....

Hey, Hope - just wanted to add my voice to the crowd - we're here for you! I'm glad you got through that difficult moment. Every time we earn a moment like that, we add to our personal stores of strength. Good for you.

take care,
anne

I survived without picking up! Wow, I'm so happy that I made it through. If I would have picked up, I would have felt horrible this morning. THANK YOU!! I hope this can be inspiration to someone and I want you to know that even if you feel like using, * you don't have to*. One day at a time we do recover!

Love,
Hope