pearl

Worked hard all day yesterday, layed tile, cleaned house, landscaping, (In the process of finishing up a large house...now for sale) thought a beer sounded good at the end of the day. Spouse went to do his thing...I am not emotionally/intellectually connected here...all of my interests are back home. ie I failed to make a life for myself here (Hawaii) Alot of pressure from spouse to 'find my life', go back to school, finish my degree, do what's right for me. Having a hard time making him understand just staying sober one day at a time is enough. Felt so crappy today went and got a bottle of wine. Well, that's gone now and I still feel crappy. I can't seem to relate to my spouse, even in the most frank terms.
Had just celebrated 3 days of hard-won sobriety.
Pearl

lonlion

Hi Pearl; I understand how you feel. When I was drinking I did not relate to my husband at all. I do agree that you need to do things for yourself, whether that is going back to school, getting a healthy hobby, or volunteering somewhere. Have you gone to any AA meetings?

As you said, even after finishing a bottle of wine you don't feel any better. I don't know how long you have been married, but it sounds like it's still salvagable. Mine wasn't, and we were married for 20 years. I didn't recognize all the damage that my drinking caused. It wasn't until my eyes were open to my alcoholism that I finally "got it". If you acknowledge that you have a problem please seek help for it. It does get better. Whether you stay where you are, or with your husband or not, it will follow you.

I started hating my husband for nagging me about my drinking. I resented him so much for standing between me and my bottle/s.

Please take care of yourself, and know that we are here to help and support you in any way we can.

Take care, my thoughts and prayers are with you
Diana

Greatful2004

Pearl,
My thoughts are with you. I hope you are day 2 now.

Two things come to mind for me, you have to quit for yourself, or it will never work. However, please keep in mind that alcoholism is a fatal, progressive disease. I wish I would have quit years ago, when it first came into my mind that I had a problem, instead of waiting years to get to the point where I am now.

Please keep posting!

housecatt1

Hi Pearl. I hate day 1's... but I try to look at them as fresh start somehow ... well, another fresh start anyway. Instead of putting yourself down for losing control, use your energy to make a plan, or revise your current plan, for dealing with your feelings about your drinking and your life, and to stay sober so you can deal with moving forward with your life.

For me, I'm still trying to figure out what I "want" for my life from here on out ... I'm 40, I have one teenager and one almost teenager, so a giant part of what I "want" for me is to be a good mom and maintain a "happy" home while they're still living at home. (I'm going to be a basket case when they eventually move out.) Aside from that, I don't really have anything ... and I think that might be a big part of my own problem. I get bored, and I don't have any close friends, so I drink for some sort of twisted companionship and self-fun.... well, I don't know, but something like that.

Anyway, when I'm sober, I see that I can more clearly go over my "wants" ... and try to get some ideas about where I want my life to be. When I'm drinking, or hungover, I'm just there, doing nothing and not moving toward anything. One thing I love about the sober days past day one is that I'm so much more well rested and clear headed... and "alive" ... and it feels wonderful. I'm getting better at staying sober for longer periods of time. I know I'm moving in the right direction .. but it's such a struggle still.

Right now, I'm fighting hard against the bottle because it's the weekend. Ugh. That's pretty much taking up all of my head-space right now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is ... I think I know a little of how you feel. Thinking about drinking and struggling with wanting to stay sober takes up the majority of my thoughts many days ... which is why I'm probably not really moving forward with my own life.

Talking with my husband about what I "want" doesn't really work for me either ... he can only say so much, and he can't really do anything. It all has to come from me. Somehow. SOBER.

I wish it wasn't such an issue ... I wish I knew all the answers ... I feel really stuck too, like you, maybe in different ways ...... Maybe we just need to pick something to do and jump into it (like going back to school, or trying a new job, or something else new -- I've been writing a little bit and have wanted to get more active).

I think that's what I'm going to think about doing ... and if I find something I enjoy, great. If not, at least I've ruled that out and can go for something else.

............ Look what I've done to your thread .. ... I wanted to leave you a positive note, and now I'm rambling about myself and my own problems! Ha!

I'm sorry! ... but heck, I don't think I'll erase anything ... at least you'll know you're definitely not alone!

AND .... You did three days of sobriety ... SO, that means you can do it again + more.

It's never too late to start again. Good luck to you.