Lost.
 

Hi everyone-

Its been almost 7 months since my last drunk, and while admittedly i'm doing better (almost out of debt, much better relationships, etc) I still feel like my life is going nowhere. I didn't expect not drinking would automatically turn everything around; that it would get my butt off the couch and take going to get my Masters degree seriously, that it would motivate me to do SOMETHING with my life, that it would stop making me jealous of all of my more successful friends, that I would automatically appreciate everything I have. OK yes i did expect that I guess. Stupid immediate gratification tendencies.

And I can almost cyber-hear what the responses to this are going to be: "GO TO AN AA MEETING!". I know thats what I should do- I mean it couldn't hurt. But I'm still haunted by my last experience with it, which was a feeling of negativity, judgement, and the feeling that I had to be there 24/7. Will I still be accepted after 7 months of not attending? Will people think I think I'm better than them for doing it alone for this long?

I wish there was another way, ANY WAY to get the effects of the program without having to go and face rejection again. Man, I am so whiny right now I'm annoying myself :-P.

I'm so lost.

You aren't lost. And your right. Get to a meeting. I'll bet you are welcomed back with hugs and smilies from members. NO one is going to judge you or look down on you for your absences. If your last meeting wasn't a positive one then go to a different one, but go. You have so many tools at your disposal. You have AA, you have literature, and you have us at SR. I think you need to get in touch with your Higher Power, and trust me, things will fall into place.

I will say a prayer for you my friend. Keep coming back. :hug:

Hi Lost,

Oh boy, we do want immediate gratification don't we? When I stopped drinking I knew I had to do a lot of work with my inner self. I had low self-esteem, was in a 'negative' rut and was quite comfortable playing the role of victim. I had a lot of guilt and shame to deal with. I made a decision to work on myself every single day and it's been a slow process but has definitely paid off.

You're not really lost, just listen to the quiet inner voice and it will guide you.

Love, Anna

((((((((Sickk&tired))))))))
Lost and Found in the chatroom if your available???
;-)

Hi sick&tired,

Sounds like you had a bad experience with a meeting or two. I've had a couple I didn't like as well as others. I sometimes feel uncomfortable in a meeting too, but I think this is mostly coming from me and not from others. I also have been to quite a few meetings that were really inspiring, so it is a mixed bag just like life on the "outside". You will be accepted no matter what as long as you have a desire to stop drinking and you obviously do with 7 months. You mentioned the fact that you are frustrated your life hasn't turned around fast enough. I feel this way too sometimes, but when I look at it objectively, a great deal has happened for the better in the last 38 days that would not have happened if I were drinking. Is something holding you back from working on your masters? Maybe you could take some initial steps to get started on it and that would make you feel like you are making progress. Sometimes just the act of doing can make us feel so much better.

Hang in there and try a meeting again, introduce yourself and look for a sponsor. You will start to feel better almost certainly.

((((S&T))))

I think when we are sick we get too worried about what others think and we get confused and think they are thinking what we are thinking. Do you think you are better than others because you have gone it alone? The question maybe how much farther along would you be had you not gone it alone?

Hi S&T

I can just hear myself in the place you are at in a few months! My sobriety is still really new and therefore still exciting. I - like so many others - have left a huge hole in my life due to my past drinking. For now, being sober is enough excitement and accomplishment for me. Please remember and give yourself the enormous credit for what you have accomplished in the past 7 months...it is truly awesome and inspiring for us newbies...That is your primary work now and you are doing a great job of it!

As for AA...just starting to look into it myself, will go to my first meeting in a few years today. I'm in NYC and have been doing lots of research on the web about other kinds of groups to get involved with also. If certain aspects of AA are difficult for you, I came across agnosticAAnyc.org Just a more secular approach and I see they have meetings in LA also. I am exploring all possibilities now with an open mind and heart...it really does seem impossible this time to do it alone...and we have SR!

Best Wishes on a brighter day!

"Gasp... You mean I sobered up for this?"

I get those moments every once in a while.
Usually when I'm tired, or any other number of variables that will affect me emotionaly. And I sometimes get easily frustrated when that happens.
I want things to go smoothly in my life. I still want what I want, don't you know...

The difference now, in a nutshell, is that I no longer drown my sorrow of not getting what I want in a bottle.
And that takes practice. Loads of it. You know...

Happiness in sobriety or sobriety in happiness?
Are those the same? And if not, should I be stiving for one or the other?
Or both?:thinking:

When I feel lost, I basically have two choices.
I can panic and get frustrated.
Or I can have faith that I'm presented with an opportunity to point myself in a new direction, to see what I might find there.

And for some reason, I just know you know that.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I loved all of the responses, and yes I am very proud of my 7 months. Time4Me, I remember where you were at!! It was a great place, is a great place, but now I want more. I just need to find the inner strenght to go out and get it.

Thanks again everyone. I'll keep you posted.

Hi Sick and Tired,

I certainly know the feelings you describe; when one gets over the initial euphoria of having some sober time there is...all that work to be done.

There are alternatives to AA of course. And you can work AA and other things together; if you haven't checked it out yet, go to SMART.org for another approach. You might also check out the Friday affirmation thread for some wisdom on the subject.

Remember: all you have to do is the next right thing.

gianna