bean611

ive been having alot of problems with my boyfriend here lately. ive had post in here before, and for some reason i dont get much feed back from people. im a recovering addict, my drug was crack, ive been clean fron it for 8 months, i relapsed almost 3 weeks ago, this time on pills. i cant stress it enough to my family that i dont wanna be this way anymore. so its like everytime i leave the house, they think im up to something all the time! like today i went to visit my aunt that im very close to and my boyfriend got pissed shes been having problems with pain pills and got better. but im so pissed that he would even be mad at me for wanting to go see her. what gives? he doesnt want me to go to meetings, he thinks that me being on here isnt helping me. he has no idea that this does help me! i want to get better, and hes keeping me from it. can someone please help me understand? thanks

Evanna

It is scary for other people when we want to get well. Sometimes they feel like they are losing control of us or losing the person that they love. Or they may have their own addictions that are threatened by our recovery. I can not speak as to what is going on for your boyfriend but i think that sometimes we simply need to do the things that are right for us. If for you that means getting to meetings and visiting this board then dont let anyone stop you. This is your life at stake.

As for your family i think you may just have to get over it. I know it is frustrating but families go through a lot of pain when we use. We are usually numb to it and have no clue how awful it is for them. So i think that as far as your family are concerned you may have to accept that it will take time for them to feel safe.

Keep doing what is right for you and your recovery.
Warmest wishes
Evanna.

wantneeda

hey Bean, i can relate to how your family is on yur back, a year ago if I was turning left they had to know, if they thought I should turn right, they'd tell me...it was hard, i basically ran from it. Today looking back i realize that they simply didn't KNOW how to be around me. They only the best for me. They wanted me safe, alive and sober.
Well i was back to using for another 6 months after that and 5 months of treatment later I don't have a lot to do with my family. I choose recovery today, they drink. I don't feel safe around alcohol, maybe someday they will understand that. Today they think I'll be able to go back to drinking socially......not. I have to do what is best for me. I don't like being around negativity and distance myself from it when necessary.
My DOC became crack, but today i know that alcohol leads me back to it. A year ago after doing a 28 day program all it took was a little pot to send me back to that hell and my DOC. I am an addict, it doesn't matter what the poison is, the fact is to me it's poison and I'm allergic....i break out in spots.....like jail, treatment centres, detox....I had to distance myself from not only the slippery people and places but those who didn't understand my addiction. Even just until I accepted and surrendered.
This has worked for me....like Evanna said put your recovery and yourself first, don't let anyone or anything come between it. Your worth it, don't give up!!!

Stephanie

Hi Bean,

You bring up some very valid points that I think a lot of us can relate to. However just as our family members can be codependent with us and appear to be in our business too much so can we be codependent with them. It's important for our recovery that we do what we klnow we have to to stay clean and let our loved ones do what they need to to deal with it. If your boyfriend is having a problem with you going to meetings, being here, or seeing you aunt, then it's just that.....his problem!

Punt

Hang in there Bean...it may take a little time to build the confidence in others (that you have in yourself) but it will happen...Take Care, Punt

pinktulip

I knew the feeling that your family is having. My husband was/is an addict, he has been clean now for 6.5month but the first month or so everytime he left I thought he was going back to his old habits. You must remember that you have to truly prove yourself to be trust worthy before your family will trust you again. And as far as the meetings, etc you and only you can make the descision as to weather it is helpful or not. I know that they help my husband and that is why he has continued to stay clean and enjoy the life he has now. If you have faith this kind of recovery it will work for you. And if your boyfriend isn't supportive of you then maybe it's time to reconsider where your rrelationship is at and where it is heading.

Kcc

Ama

SITUATIONS TO WHICH THERE ARE SOLUTIONS

ITS JUST A MATTER OF PERSISTANCE AND FINDING THEM

This is one of my stongest personal philosophies on life so perhaps it will help you too.....Luvs Ama