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Old 03-10-2005, 07:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy

My Brother


Hi my name is Krys and I dont know what else we can do for my brother Robb,
he is almsot 36 and im affraid we will bury him before 2006.
He has been drinking for years but it wasnt bad till about 6 years ago, that when he went from just beer to a few pints of vodka and a case of beer a day.
He was a very good auto body painter and was making over 100k a year, now he is unemployed and sitting in his 200k house that is being forclosed on, with a wife who is in a wheel chair and snorts coke/drinks and also snorts oxycotin, so she preferres him drunk so she doesnt have to face the fact she is a user and a alcoholic to, it is easier to cast all the blame on him.
On Febuary 23rd we sent him to Narcanon Stone Hawk in Batlle Creek MI. it cost my Mom $20,000, and is a 4 to 6 month program, money she was willing to spend on his sobriety instead of his funeral, well he checked out tuesday 3/8 and went home, promising he was done and wasnt gonna drink no more last night he got drunk and passed out. His wife called my mom who lives 184 miles away from the to come get him cause she was affraid of what he would do to her or her sister (the moocher that lives off of them).
WHY DOES HE WANT TO DIE???
What can i do, he is killing himself and not to mention the pain he causing all of us who love him.
My Mom is a mess i worry about her, she doesnt deserve this from him.
He lives in utah and im in mississippi and the rest of our family is in wyoming.
I cant do alot from 1800 miles away, I want to go beat the living **** out of him and make him see and feel the pain he causing us all.
Please help me help him!!!
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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chris my heart goes out to you but honestly the only person that can make him sober is himself. sounds like his is in a horrible situation to be in with a wife that promotes his drinking. did the program help at all? what does he say when you talk to him? does he express any want to change his ways? i mean the best you can do is be there for him, but sometimes he just needs to hit even more rock bottom before he realizes it himself.

i know how helpless you feel being far away. my exboyfriend is 300 miles away and throwing his life out the window. i just found out he got arrested again this weekend for drunk in public. i've tried to help, but i've come to realize, like i said, he is the only one that can really help himself permantly.
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Old 03-10-2005, 08:51 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The program was for 4 to 6 months, he stayed almost 2 weeks, he barely finished the withdrawl phase of it.
I havent talked to him yet, I CANT, i will say things to hurt him just see if he feels anything.
When he left the program he promised my mom he was done drinking (unlike an alcoholic to lie i know) but somehow she believed him, but i didnt, i knew he would be drunk within a few hours after he got home.
I want to call but i know i will be unable to control my hurt and anger and complete frustration, especially because he will try to turn it back on me, sure i drink beer now and then on the weekends but i have a life and a family and reason to control what and how much i drink i dont let it control me.
He is on his way to rock bottom, it is only a matter of time till they show up and evict him and her from the house, i know we should be there to help him but im affraid he has burned every bridge my family has built him.
Im scared for him yet at the same time I want him to have to clean up his own mess, and that makes me feel like a piece of crap sister.
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Old 03-10-2005, 10:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Hi Krys,

I was an excessive drinker for many years untill January 2002 when I started to loose control over the drink. It controlled me, told me when to stop (never), it told me how much to drink (as much as I could till I puked and go on even so), it told me not to give a damn about the people I loved and loved me back in order to get some more to drink, leaving a thread of debts behind me.

I was no longer in control. the DISEASE controlled my life.Keep the word DISEASE in mind when you call him, as well as the lack of control over his life. He must be feeling like crap (I was at a point) because he feels there's nothing he can do to stop it, because he feels he has no will power strong enough to put an end to this.

Keep in mind that there is NO such thing as WILL POWER. It'a chronicle uncurable disease . There is however treatment. But first he must accept he has a disease (he's on denial right now, that's why he left the program). He must accept that he can not treat himself. HE NEEDS OUTSIDE HELP.

Try not to be too harsh when you speak to him but make it very clear that only him, and him alone can get over this mess. You and your mother can just give him a hand.

Remember: it's a disease and there's no will power involved. If you understand that (and I know it's hard because I lost my wife and a lot of friends), you can at least try and make him understand that too and go to the rehab program, therapy, AA, alltogether, whatever he feels it's best for his recovery.

Best of luck - Pedro

P.S.: the fact he promised never to drink again shows clearly he's unaware of his sickness. No alcoholic can promise that. We can only promise to do our best not to.
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Old 03-10-2005, 10:44 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blitz

P.S.: the fact he promised never to drink again shows clearly he's unaware of his sickness. No alcoholic can promise that. We can only promise to do our best not to.
That is exactly what I said to my Mom when she told me he said that.
Im working up to the nerve to call him before he has "lunch" with his friend 5th of popov, all your words are so encouraging.
He does have a medical leave from the rehab and so he can go back in next 30 days, i just pray he will go back.
What was your finall breaking point?...what made you say NO MORE???
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Old 03-10-2005, 10:53 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Krys,

sorry you have to watch a loved one go thru this. We drunks make everyone suffer along with us and we either don't know or, we don't care.

Tell your mother not to be forking over any money to help him. That's enabling him. Any one that really wants to get sober will have to get responsible for their own behavior.

The best advice I'd give you is pray for him. Everything under the sun is designed to be the way it is. Your brother like all of us was born with self will. We have a freedom of choice. like it or not he has the choice.

Has he ever been in AA?
Too bad someone couldn't do a 12th step on him. I want you to know, we all feel your pain on here. I do believe, we all have to hit a bottom and want to quit digging before we can recover
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Old 03-10-2005, 03:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi Krys,

I'm afraid Captainzing is right: sometimes we have to hit rock bottom and still try to dig further down before we acknowledge our condition. We are the most selfish people on Earth when we're using or drinking. We couldn't care less about other people and ourselves. All we care about is our next drink. It's compelling, it's nothing a non-addict or non-alcoholic could ever expect to understand.

In my case, and I believe most of us will agree with me, my breaking point was when I was no longer drinking to feel well but to avoid NOT to feel well.
That was my body saying STOP! you're killing yourself, I can't take any more booze.

Emotionally, it was when my wife gave me no more chances and moved out and filed for a divorce. I no longer had a companionship, I lost all the family on her side and most of my friends who "sided" with her.

I got "sober" in a flash and decided I had to change my life, to rebuild it from scratch, with the support of my mother, my sister and the understanding of my new girlfriend. I felt an inner strenght I never realized I had but was there all the time subdued by alcohol, the allmighty addiction. I'm presently seeing a Psychiatrist, a Psychologist and an expert on addictions. All of this took place about 8 months ago and I've been sober for the past 47 days. It's a lenghty process.

It's my will to live a happy life vs. the power of the addiction to make me artificially happy for just some moments of illusion. It all came from within me (after wrecking my life).

He now has the choice of NOT wrecking his, at least not entirely and start anew. But HE alone must accept that with your help. He must accept he has a disease and needs outside help.

My friend Captainzing can fill you in with some more details about the AA which work with millions of people around the world, as many will witness right here on this site.

Love - Pedro
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