Mom with son on day 10 detox
 

Mom with son on detox day 10
<HR style="COLOR: #d1d1e1" SIZE=1><!-- / icon and title --><!-- message -->I'm new to this board and new to understanding all about addictions. I found out 10 days ago my son is addicted to herione. He sat me down and told me everything and asked me for help. He had been using for 3 years and I had no idea. He had become a master liar and I had trusted him. The emotions I feel and the heartbreak were almost unbearable. He has changed my life and our families forever. Since I am new to all of this I felt I needed someone who I can talk to. I question everything I do to help him, not knowing if it's the right thing or if I shouldn't do it. Today I ordered some home test kits. I'm questioning myself was it the right thing to do. I have him in counseling with a top guy in the field regarding addiction for drugs, had him to our family doctor for his withdrawal symptoms, talk openly in our family about this problem and we are giving him our undying support. Is there anything else I can do. or not do? My tears have already filled a river and they just won't quit coming.

Considering that I am in the shoes of the detoxee - all I can say is that he made it to 10 days - that's HUGE. You should be really happy about that. I know you don't understand it but I'm telling you that the first 7 days are absolute hell. He is over a really huge hurdle. He has a good start on recovery.
Opiates are just unbelievably addictive. He has a chronic mental illness now - but the good news - he can put his illness into remission himself - with a lot of treatment and hard work.
I know this sounds stupid to you - but the truth is that he does have a disease. It is a disease in his brain. If he got cancer you wouldn't be so angry would you? I know it isn't the same - and you don't understand and of course you don't. He is a big liar. Lots of us here used to be liars. Lots of people that you would never guess to be - are recovering addicts and lots are still active addicts. It is more widespread than you can imagine.
Your son has a great chance at recovery. I do suggest that you learn as much as you can about this disease. It is baffling, cunning and powerful. Heroine, alcohol, painkillers, etc. IT is all the same disease with a different drug. And it can effect anyone. The more knowledge you have - the better your future will be no matter what happens.
You have found a very good place to vent and to ask questions and get opinions. Lots of people will pray for your family.
Oh - and on what to do. There are so many ideas/opinions/experience on this subject. That is why knowledge will really really help you. (However - if it was my kid - I would definitely buy home test kits. )

Thank you
 

Thank you erino134, I'm taking what you said to heart and learning at an accelerated rate. I am very proud of him that he came to me for help. I know we have a very long road ahead, but your right he has gotten past most of the physical battle, now on to the mental one. God bless you and keep you and give you strength. I will be praying for you, my son, and all the others on this board.

Hi jpnme,

My son, Michael, is also addicted to heroin. I remember when I first found out, it sent my world into a spin.

You have found a good place here at SR.
There are many parents in your same situation.

I guess the hardest thing for me to learn was that I can't fix this for him, no matter how hard I try. It's something that they have to decide for themselves. It sounds as if your son has chosen a good path. My son is currently clean, living in a 1/2 way house and working, not because of all the things I tried to do to 'help' but because he decided to fight his addiction.

You did not cause your son's addiction, nothing you did 'made' this happen.

Take a deep breath if you can, things will get better for you. Here at SR you will learn tools to help you with this.


Like you, I love my son very much

Welcome to SR,

sigh

Welcome jpnme,

I agree with Sigh. It is a challenge to accept, but you can't "fix" your son. You can support him and connect him with good people, as you are doing, which is really great. But he needs to do his own recovery work.

The sun will shine once again. It will take time, but it will. Hopefully, in the process of recovery, your son will become a true man, with greater knowledge of himself and others. Recovery from addiction has a way of doing that.

ChrisMan

Hi jpnme,
I am the mother of two adult sons,ages 26, and 32, who are addicts.
My heart goes out to you, I know the emotions, and turmoil you may be feeling.

I would suggest backing off a bit, and letting him take over the responsiblity of his recovery.

There's a bunch of parents, and other loved ones who post on the Naranon forum.
Hope to see you over there.
Welcome to Sober Recvery.

Prayers for you, and your son.

P.S. Have you attended any nar-anon, or al-anon meetings?
They are a Godsend!

Hugs,

Dear Sigh, Thank you for your message. with each message I receive it's like a ray of hope to me. I'm suppose to be the strong one in our family and I felt I was floundering. I am so glad I found this board with all of you in it. I felt very alone. and as my son's therapist said to me" you feel like you were hit by a tsunami". That was exactly how I felt. I hope your son is doing well. I will pray for all of us. I know like you the hardest part is to not be able to fix this for him. I'm already struggling with that. My first Al-non recovering parents meeting is this Monday. I'm scared to go, but I know I need it. Thank you for replying it really helps talking.

jpnme, your son has given you a gift that me, and many others here never gave our mothers...a son/daughter who is an addict/alcoholic and failed to get sick and tired of being sick and tired until after it was too late to give ourselves back to a family member as a clean and sober recovering person. I'm 50, and stayed drunk for over 33 years...until 5 yrs after my mother had died. She never saw me sober as an adult. Hang on to that gift...it's more than I gave my mom.

AlAnon and NarAnon are great programs and tools for you to deal with this in a healthy way...use them, for your sake, your family's sake, and your son's sake.

Your family will be in my prayers.

BubbaBob

jpnme,

You are no longer alone.

Finding out your child is addicted to heroin is going to knock you down, there is no shame in that. You will be able to pick yourself up again.

You say your life your family is forever changed, and perhaps that is so ....but I especially like and agree with what ChrisMan said "The sun will shine once again. It will take time, but it will. Hopefully, in the process of recovery, your son will become a true man, with greater knowledge of himself and others. Recovery from addiction has a way of doing that."

My son is not at this point yet, he will get there. I believe in him.
He has relapsed in the past but he keeps fighting, this time might be the time he makes it.

Yet, I know for a fact what ChrisMan says can be true, because I've watched both my brothers recover, they are currently 11 and 8 years clean and sober. I have meet others with years of recovery. There is something very special about all of them.

I also know it's a long and difficult road they must travel. As mothers we need to find the tools to help us function within our own lives, to not enable them, to understand what addiction is and finally to understand the only thing we can do, the only thing we can really do, is love them.

hugs
sigh

Hi JPn and welcome. My son is also a heroin addict. Iwas also scared, confused, angry and hurting terribly and came here frantically looking for help and got it. There is a great bunch of loving, caring people on NarAnon who have been there and are willing to help anyway they can.
I don't know what's been suggested to you but what is very helpful is going to(face to face) Anon meetings
, there are also scheduled meetings right here on this site.
The book "Codependant No More" by Melodie Beattie(all books by her)is HIGHLY recommended
Reading the stickys on top of the Naranon boards
Coming back here and reading and posting
The 12 steps
I hope you Keep coming back and let us know how you are doing. You are not Alone. I wish you and your son the best. Hugs, Iamunique

Hello,
I am Sharebear and I was just like your son addicited to HEROIN and 34 days ago I started my recovery journey! I am in a METHADONE clinic, Methadone is not just for a person who has HEROIN in there system but also for a person who is at a high risk for relapse. So if you find your son having a hard time with his new journey it might be a wise thing to look into! And you might have heard bad thing's about methadone but if it is used right it can be a wonderful thing! Yesterday I was woke up with a CONGRAT'S POST because it was 30 days for me being clean from HEROIN and this was the first time for me to be this clean for this long since I was 10! And the way I am going through this program is I am at 100 MG. right now and I was at 110 so I have came down 10 MG. and my goal is to drop to 60 MG. and stay there for a few weeks and then I will drop 5 MG. a week and when I am at 10 MG. I will slow down even more and by doing it this way there is no sickness. And when I am out of the program I will go to meeting's and what ever else I need to do. But I thought I would share what has worked for me and my Husband (addicit for 22 years) and his 30 day is today! So if you have any question's about the program or anything else that we could help you with please feel free to e-mail me or reply to this post!
[email protected]
Have a good night!