Trying Not to Be a Codie to a Codie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 2
Trying Not to Be a Codie to a Codie
Hi
Hi -- I'm new here. Actually, I joined several weeks ago, but I've been mostly just reading some of the posts.
My little sister is our family addict. She doesn't even live in the same state with the rest of us, but her addiction still manages to cause a lot of stress in our family. My mother is the major enabler and she just cannot seem to understand or see that. I tried to get her to join this website, but she's in major denial.
I'm just trying to stay detached from the situation. Sometimes my Mom asks what I think and I just try to be honest. I've read some posts on this website and I believe my sister is actively using and needs to hit bottom and go back into rehab. My Mom on the otherhand doesn't believe that and just thinks she needs "help and support." Therein lies the problem. My Mom wants to save my sister and my sister has found she can con my Mom and get money whenever she needs more drugs. My sister can make up new elaborate stories and throw in tears and my Mom falls for it every time. It's very sad and frustrating to watch. Everyone in our immediate family sees the truth, but my Mom just simply will not.
Anyway, I really appreciate this website. Trying to understand the mind of an addict is very important to me. Then, if my Mom does ask for my opinion, I can reply with the right answers and knowledge and if she doesn't choose to listen or take my advice -- there's nothing else I can do. I just wish I could stop worrying so much about my parents. My Dad sees the truth, but my Mom won't listen to anyone.
Thanks everyone for just being here.
Hi -- I'm new here. Actually, I joined several weeks ago, but I've been mostly just reading some of the posts.
My little sister is our family addict. She doesn't even live in the same state with the rest of us, but her addiction still manages to cause a lot of stress in our family. My mother is the major enabler and she just cannot seem to understand or see that. I tried to get her to join this website, but she's in major denial.
I'm just trying to stay detached from the situation. Sometimes my Mom asks what I think and I just try to be honest. I've read some posts on this website and I believe my sister is actively using and needs to hit bottom and go back into rehab. My Mom on the otherhand doesn't believe that and just thinks she needs "help and support." Therein lies the problem. My Mom wants to save my sister and my sister has found she can con my Mom and get money whenever she needs more drugs. My sister can make up new elaborate stories and throw in tears and my Mom falls for it every time. It's very sad and frustrating to watch. Everyone in our immediate family sees the truth, but my Mom just simply will not.
Anyway, I really appreciate this website. Trying to understand the mind of an addict is very important to me. Then, if my Mom does ask for my opinion, I can reply with the right answers and knowledge and if she doesn't choose to listen or take my advice -- there's nothing else I can do. I just wish I could stop worrying so much about my parents. My Dad sees the truth, but my Mom won't listen to anyone.
Thanks everyone for just being here.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Well ((((sisterhope))))))
First of all welcome to sober recovery!!!! I have 3 siblings who are addicts and I have seen all my family members in differnt stages of using and denial..... My mom had an especially long stage of denial....until one day one of them I can remember which one stole $500.00 from her(this is the same mom who has seen all 3 of them go to jail for drug and alcohol related arrests and helped to force one into a rehab program)She was shocked!! Imagine my shock that she was shocked!!! I said mom take your pick of the 3 drug addicts who still are living with you although they are all well past their 30's....DRUG ADDICTS she said who are you talking about? She then hung up the phone on me.... A couple days later she called me back and said I guess you are right they are all doing dope....duhhhhhh...... I asked her had she not noticed that they have nothing to do with me? Well that's because I am too busy working and taking care of myself to deal with them any more....
You probably won't be able to get your mom to change her mind set only when she reaches her bottom at her own rate will she change... unfortunately. My mom still thinks she has control and most likely your mom does too. All we can do is keep the focus on ourselves and if she tries to get you to worry about your sis with her my advice would be to tell her you don't want to talk about her....
First of all welcome to sober recovery!!!! I have 3 siblings who are addicts and I have seen all my family members in differnt stages of using and denial..... My mom had an especially long stage of denial....until one day one of them I can remember which one stole $500.00 from her(this is the same mom who has seen all 3 of them go to jail for drug and alcohol related arrests and helped to force one into a rehab program)She was shocked!! Imagine my shock that she was shocked!!! I said mom take your pick of the 3 drug addicts who still are living with you although they are all well past their 30's....DRUG ADDICTS she said who are you talking about? She then hung up the phone on me.... A couple days later she called me back and said I guess you are right they are all doing dope....duhhhhhh...... I asked her had she not noticed that they have nothing to do with me? Well that's because I am too busy working and taking care of myself to deal with them any more....
You probably won't be able to get your mom to change her mind set only when she reaches her bottom at her own rate will she change... unfortunately. My mom still thinks she has control and most likely your mom does too. All we can do is keep the focus on ourselves and if she tries to get you to worry about your sis with her my advice would be to tell her you don't want to talk about her....
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Sisterhope.
I too am the mother of an addict, and I understand the fear and pain that your mother feels, and maybe even the denial. It took me years to learn that all the love in the world, all the helping, rescuing, controlling and pleading didn't really help my son one bit. We can let them know that we love them and will support their efforts at recovery when positive actions are in place, but more than that just makes them and us sicker. Tell your mom that there are many moms here, on the Nar-Anon forum, that would welcome her and also you, and where we would be happy to share our experience, strength and hope.
Addiction truly is a family disease, and perhaps going to live meetings of Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA would help each of you. Also, there is an excellent book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie that has helped many of us understand our own issues with this.
I'm glad you joined us and hope we see more of you and your mom.
Hugs
Ann
I too am the mother of an addict, and I understand the fear and pain that your mother feels, and maybe even the denial. It took me years to learn that all the love in the world, all the helping, rescuing, controlling and pleading didn't really help my son one bit. We can let them know that we love them and will support their efforts at recovery when positive actions are in place, but more than that just makes them and us sicker. Tell your mom that there are many moms here, on the Nar-Anon forum, that would welcome her and also you, and where we would be happy to share our experience, strength and hope.
Addiction truly is a family disease, and perhaps going to live meetings of Nar-Anon, Al-Anon or CoDA would help each of you. Also, there is an excellent book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie that has helped many of us understand our own issues with this.
I'm glad you joined us and hope we see more of you and your mom.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 2
Thanks for the replies. Splendra, I understand about being shocked when your Mom was shocked about your sibling stealing her money. My sister stole some prescription drugs from my house when everyone was there for Thanksgiving. I didn't discovery it until afterward when everyone was back home. I called her and confronted her about it. I didn't ask, I just said "by the way, I know you stole the Meridia from me when you were here and I really don't appreciate it." She just quietly said "sorry." When we told my Mom, she didn't believe it. Then when I told her my sister admitted it, she said "did you ask her why she did it?" HELLO!!!!!!
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