Jupiter2

I told my wife that I went to a meeting the day before yesterday instead of my client site and that I had also been to a meeting today and she said that was great. That was all she said and then started talking about her day at the office. What a letdown. She is clueless about what it took to do this. I asked her if she knew what the little blue buck she has been seeing me reading in bed for the last couple years and she said no. I said she should take a look at it. It is true I always sort of hid it from her, but she saw me with it often. I know that my drinking has been a bad strain on our marriage, but what was that? Guess I expected a heart to heart talk or something. Got next to nothing. She did say it is ok to go to meetings from now on, but man I thought I'd get more of a reaction than that. Expected too much.

brighty86

Gee Jup,
I don't know your wife, but my first thought though was that she was playing it cool to feel you out and see what happens! Give her some time; I bet she will come around.

You are doing GREAT! Be proud!
Brighty

greenmeadow

hey good for you to go to a meeting!!! hurrah!

this is about you and what you want and what you will do.

I think your wife is happy but waiting to see how it goes you know???

keep on doing and keep on sober.
I am sure as time goes on and you are successful she will do the cheerleading.

In the meantime, focus on you and you being sober and you doing what's good for you.



greenmeadow

lonlion

I agree with Brighty; I think if your drinking has been a big issue in the past, she is probably waiting to see how this pans out for you. Maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up too much.

Show her. That is the best thing you can do. I know we need a pat on the back, but they just don't understand how hard it is for us sometimes.

We do though. Good for you, and I hope you keep going back to your meetings. Do it for yourself and in time she will see your seriousness and come around I am sure.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your recovery
Diana

sickk&tired

Hi Jupiter!

I agree with everyone above- your wife probably doesn't want to pry into what you're doing, in fear of pushing you away. I would bet that she's incredibly proud and jumping for joy on the inside that you are taking this control of your life, but doesn't want to jump up and start a happy dance for fear of rocking the boat........you know what its like when things are going really well and you almost don't want to breathe for fear it might change? Maybe its something like that. I bet she'll come around.

BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!! WE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!

potsie1956

it took about 4 years before my family to say hay good job, i think it took at long before they would think i was to stay sober,and for you good job keep coming back odaat
Potsie

mill

Honest opinion? People don't like weirdness, she doesn't know what to do. What would you say if she went to a meeting? And forget that you know what it is like? You would probably think something is up or someting is wrong.

No one understands us, except us.

Mill

best

She reacted as she should have....
Your issues, your solutions.
Only way she will ever know what goes on in our thoughts is if she walks in our shoes.
Be grateful for the support and understanding you get. It is given to the degree she understands things.

We can always pat ourselves on the back. We know we are doing good when we do so. I don't need the aproval of others to know sober is better.
I am living it and can see that first hand.


Your not alone.

luckyfosho

In our addiction we put our families through so much. If you were anything like me I always promised my family that I would change and things would get better and they stood by me. I was sick and I let them down over and over again. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!!!! Keep doing what your doing and tell her that you love her constantly and that your working hard in your recovery and she will come around. It takes your in recovery and she is recoverying. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK . You will experience your miracle in sobriety just you watch and see be patient with her as she begins to build the trust that we so often abuse because of our disease.

BubbaBob

That is the most important thing we have to remember when trying to understand the way friends and family deal with us and our disease.

My therapist has been into alcohol/addiction for over 30 years and even she says she doesn't understand completely what goes on in our heads, and she is an excellent therapist (almost as good as me...LOL). Only we understand.

BubbaBob

wingsfree

Hi Jupiter.....I agree with the above also.....hey you're doing great.

When I first walked through the doors of AA, scared half to death, so sick and hungover.....my hubby sluffed it off, he had no clue how hard that was...and ((Jupiter)), the courage it took....but I knew I needed to be there...he ignored me reading the BB also, and you know what I didn't care, I knew I needed help, just like you. He also threw digs at me, kept saying I didn't need to be there...maybe he was embarrassed, don't know...he drinks also, so guess it was scaring him that it may affect him, so I quit going, and have paid a high price.

This is about YOU right now, take care of yourself....your wife is ok, maybe a bit scared too.

Keep going to those meetings if it keeps your butt sober.

Jupiter2

Thanks all for the perspective and support. I need all I can get. I can see that only we can know what it is like to go through this. Didn't drink over it. Feeling better today, early on day 5.

And thanks Justme!, I have been following the other posts and hope you are feeling better. You are a very special person!

Jupiter2

wantneeda

hi Jupiter,
When i first went to detox i called my mom, long distance as she lives in a different city, and all I got from her was "Shame on you"!!!!!!!! i was crying on the phone and the call ended with me saying kay well, i guess i won't call you again. She said that was fine with her. Well she wasn't the only one in my family who basically turned their back on me. They say expectations lead to disappointments!!!
So my mom finally let her gaurd down for a chat with me on msn, this aafter 8 months of being clean and sober. They just didn't expect me to clean up. But when I realized that I had to do so for myself and no one else, thats when the ball really started rolling for me. What others think of or about me is none of my business!
I really hope you don't hide reading that blue book anymore!
Keep doing what you're doing and think postitive. I'm sending you a pat on the back!!!!

1_day@_a_time

High expectations, low serenity

Low expections, high serenity........

Maybe you should tell her how YOU feel?

jmhs002

Hey Jup

I too, thought that my wife would maybe jump up and down and say great job, but it didn't happen. When I asked her what she thought, she said she thought that it was a good thing, but she did not know what to say or do - she was afraid she may something wrong - fear of the unknown I guess. I don't really blame her, like someone else said earlier, what if she went to some meeting twice a week without you and it was something that you did not really understand? Anyway keep going, and I will too. Feeling good on day 6!

Jupiter2

Good point, jmhs

If I put myself in her shoes, I'd wouldn't know what to make of me either. Starting day 6.

wingsfree

Hi Jupiter......yipppppieee onward to a new day....feels good doesn't it? We all understand one another....bonus.

You're special also, just like everyone else here working hard on finding our way to sanity. Keep up the wonderful job....and Happy Dance it feels good...I ain't kidding.

Love.....Denise <----Sober Happy Dancing

gratefulgal

Hi Jupiter,
it sounds like you're doing great! I know how you feel (I'm not married but I experience that sort of things with some of the loved ones in my life). I think I learn my lesson on who to tell what to, but I seem to have not yet. I still find myself telling people things that I understand and that make sense to me but they cannot see it. That's o.k., though. My favorite thing I've heard so far is "for those who understand, no explanation is necessary and for those who do not understand, no explanatin is possible." I find it to be pretty helpful.

Dan

Ain't that the truth...
Staying sober got an awful lot easier when I figured out that all I could really change was my behavior. Others, well, that's their stuff.
Keep going to your meetings, and do the work.
Let her figure out what she wants and needs to do.
Day six. Today. It's all that matters.

Jupiter2

Thanks gratefulgal for the quote on understanding. I'll try to remember that one.

My wife did start asking me a few questions last night. She wanted to know where the meetings are, how we know where to go and why they are in a different place every night. I got a little testy with her since it felt like she was prying into my business a little too much. What is wrong with me? First I want her to have a heart to heart, now she is prying when she asks a few questions? Man am I screwed up or what?