TracyAgain

Finally, after years of needing to go and trying to avoid it and drinking myself sick, I went to an AA meeting yesterday and one today. I have been sober for (drum roll please)

48 hours

I can't believe I suffered so much for so long to avoid *this*. It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders.

Peace to ya'll,

Tracy

susan_17

And it keeps getting better with time!!!!

Phinneas

It is a relief, isn't it?

Wishing peace to you, too. Keep coming back.

jojo

JaySee

Hi Tracy

Great news.!! As said above, keep coming/going back - it gets better and better every day. AA is helping me in a way I never thought possible.

much love
JC

hopealwayz

It does get better all the time. Keep the faith.

Hope

Cathy31

Tracey
It does get better all the time.
Well done!!!!
Cathy31
x

quercusalba

Congratulations! Keep coming back. And welcome! BIG congratulations on 48 hours - that's a true accomplishment. I know because - Hi, I'm Anne, I'm an alcoholic!

Take care,
anne

Chy

Congrats! Be strong, find that courage and strength, you can do this! How ya doing so far? Keep us posted k? We worry! *hugs*

dave

Alright Keep Up The Good Work.i Wish You Another 24 Hrs.

TracyAgain

Thanks everyone for your warm words and encouragement. I had a pretty good loathing of AA going, and it's the only thing available where I live, so.

So far, it's been good. It's serendipitous (?) that a friend I knew from a political forum online, centered in an area five hours from me, moved to where I am very recently. Turns out that he is 13 years sober and talks recovery a lot. He was very encouraging, met me at my first meeting, and second and third, etc. He offered hope and was the catalyst that got me off my butt and doing something about my problem.

He's a good friend but right now I'm focused now on finding a sponsor.

One thing he said was that alcoholism wants me and it wants me to itself. It will strip away anything and anyone between me and it, if I give it the chance. I've never been crazy about the disease concept so somehow out of that, I came up with a vision of my alcoholism as a beast in the shadows but it has a siren's song. The more distance (in my head) I can keep between me and the beast, the less power it possesses. The closer it gets, the more damage it does - but the louder its song, the less I care about the damage. Then I was thinking that it's bizarre for someone of an atheistic bent to chose something of a devil-image over the disease concept, and what's up with that? But it's working for me so I told myself to shut up.

At last night's meeting the speaker put me, the newcomer, on the spot for a topic. I thought about just saying something shallow and unrevealing, like "Let's talk about the first step," but wasn't inclined to do that. So I told them about how I've assigned a devil-image to alcoholism. They didn't like it much. I should have told them that it's a big step-up from assigning the devil image to AA.

I don't think that group is a great match for me anyway but there are many others to choose from.

A startling realization for me is that for the past decade, my resistance in seeking the only help that is available here wasn't really about my honest disagreement with some of AAs teachings. It was alcoholism doing what alcoholism does. But if, at any point, someone had tried to tell me that, I would not have believed them and might have responded rudely. Kinda crazy, huh?

Another thing, there is one slogan that I took comfort in and it helped me keep drinking. (Regarding hitting bottom): The elevator stops on every floor. So, I'll add a note of caution: Be careful not to overestimate how many floors there are, or underestimate how quick that sucker descends.

Thanks again, everyone, for your encouragement and for being here.

Tracy

CAPTAINZING2000

Tracy,

I can easily take for granted this gift of serenity I have. You coming in here and saying you're grateful for 48 hours, makes me stop and think. Lirfe was pretty miserable for me at the very end.

TY

4

sharing

here's to all the 48 hours to come

chris

Evanna

Your friend is very wise Tracy. That is so true yet i had never considered the isolation that goes with this disease in quite this way before.

Thank-you so much for being here. Already you give so much.

Warmest Wishes
Evanna.

hector

(((tracy)))

Pretty special sharing. You are a gift.

Keep it simple. You're the same as me - only trying to stay away from one drink - the first one - for one day - today. Tomorrow, if we wake up, we can worry about tomorrow's sobriety. Keep the focus on today. First things first.

You've obviously been thinking about AA for a long time. Now that you're finally here, I'm sensing a desire to talk as though you're 10 years sober right away. Don't do it to yourself. Be in early recovery. Read the Big Book cover to cover. Work Step One. Find that sponsor, even if you're not 100% sure they're the right one for the long haul. You can always change sponsors.

Sleep lots, eat right, exercise. Stay away from slippery places (bars etc.) I like what yoiu said about telling yourself to shut up. I can start a fight in an empty house too. And I've been sober over 16 years.

Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.