Can't stop with the pain killers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Glendale Heights IL
Posts: 2
Can't stop with the pain killers
Hi I am new here and have not posted before today. I have a problem that I need some input on. First off I want to say that I am sorry for my spelling.
I have an addition problem, I am a alcoholic,Drug addict. I have not had a drink in over 3 years. Was put on Efexor for depretion and from that time on I stoped drinking. Then in 2002 I got hurt at work and had back surg and was on pain killers from that point untill now. November of last year 2004 I went into detox for the vicoden. I could not stop on my own. With in a week after getting out I was taking the vicoden again. The only way I can get it is to go into walk in clinics and ER's. So almost every week I am in different er's with the same story about back pain and how bad it hurts. All so that I can get 12 stupped pills! I can't explain why I can't stop going into the er and lying to the doctors time after time.
I have been going to NA and AA but I can't seem to stop the maddness. I cant tell anyone what I have been doing becouse I hate my self so much for not being able to stop. & what I have been doing. Sat all day I had been thinking how I can kill my self so I could stop the pain that I have in side. I have tryed to see a theryipist but can't get into see them anytime soon.
so this is the only place that I feel like I can get this out in the open so that I don't do something stuped.
I just don't know what to do?
If anyone has some advice I would like to here from you.
Thanks
Jay
I have an addition problem, I am a alcoholic,Drug addict. I have not had a drink in over 3 years. Was put on Efexor for depretion and from that time on I stoped drinking. Then in 2002 I got hurt at work and had back surg and was on pain killers from that point untill now. November of last year 2004 I went into detox for the vicoden. I could not stop on my own. With in a week after getting out I was taking the vicoden again. The only way I can get it is to go into walk in clinics and ER's. So almost every week I am in different er's with the same story about back pain and how bad it hurts. All so that I can get 12 stupped pills! I can't explain why I can't stop going into the er and lying to the doctors time after time.
I have been going to NA and AA but I can't seem to stop the maddness. I cant tell anyone what I have been doing becouse I hate my self so much for not being able to stop. & what I have been doing. Sat all day I had been thinking how I can kill my self so I could stop the pain that I have in side. I have tryed to see a theryipist but can't get into see them anytime soon.
so this is the only place that I feel like I can get this out in the open so that I don't do something stuped.
I just don't know what to do?
If anyone has some advice I would like to here from you.
Thanks
Jay
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Jay and welcome!
This is a great place to get it out, express what your feeling and see most importantly your not alone. We all have varying issues of addiction and most work at it as best we can. You say you've gone to AA and NA do you have a sponsor? I think getting in with a good therapist is a good idea. Hopefully you'll be able to work on the causes of your depression, substance abuse and find new thinking habits to start making the change. I know it can get pretty lonely, deperate and often feel life is not worth living, just remember those thinking patterns are because your ill right now, once in therapy hopefully you'll begin to see what changes you can begin to make to feel happy and at peace again. Please visit the various forums and you will find a great deal of support and understanding here. *hugs*
This is a great place to get it out, express what your feeling and see most importantly your not alone. We all have varying issues of addiction and most work at it as best we can. You say you've gone to AA and NA do you have a sponsor? I think getting in with a good therapist is a good idea. Hopefully you'll be able to work on the causes of your depression, substance abuse and find new thinking habits to start making the change. I know it can get pretty lonely, deperate and often feel life is not worth living, just remember those thinking patterns are because your ill right now, once in therapy hopefully you'll begin to see what changes you can begin to make to feel happy and at peace again. Please visit the various forums and you will find a great deal of support and understanding here. *hugs*
Learning to love me.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: on my way
Posts: 617
((HUGS)) Jay. There is so much support here. I am also a vic addict, and did the ER thing myself. Now I am 25 days clean. I couldn't have done it without NA. I need the meetings and the support and to work the steps.
Is there any one you can confide in? Don't hate yourself. What's done is done, and you can't undo it. The only thing you can do is move forward from here.
Good luck and keep posting it really helps.
Is there any one you can confide in? Don't hate yourself. What's done is done, and you can't undo it. The only thing you can do is move forward from here.
Good luck and keep posting it really helps.
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Jay,
I'm on my 3rd work injury (sober). This last time was bad - happened back in June, haven't been back to work since. I was on Valium and Percocet for a total of 5 months; there was a surgery mixed in there as well. It is unsure if I will ever be able to work again; my career is over. Good news - at the time, I was just 13 years sober. Not the first time I've been on narcotics (as I said, this was my 3rd work injury); but by far the longest. I found myself liking the Percocet's entirely WAY TOO MUCH. I became extremely depressed about my condition and knowing that I was starting to enjoy the Percocet's way too much. I didn't want to admit it to anyone; though, I knew I had to. I was extremely suicidal (we're only as sick as our secrets). Had a whole bunch of emotional issues that had consumed me in the time of starting the narcotics and ending. Getting off them was awful. I fessed up to my doctor (waited a week to call him because I was afraid I would con him out of more). I still hurt so bad most days; I wonder how I'm ever going to get use to this. I'm 31 and a mother of 2 young children. I can't really play or do a whole lot with them. About 2 hours worth of grocery shopping is enough to put me through that I can't do anything else the rest of the day. The pain just consumes me, many times I consider going to the ER because it hurts so bad. I guess to help me, I think of the people (and there are a lot of them) who have it a whole lot worse than me. The doctors have tried plenty of other meds since then. The only effective one that I could actually "live" and enjoy life was Percocet - it numbed the pain enough that I could do stuff with my kids and do stuff around the house. Though I think the directions said take 1-2 every 4-6 hours as needed; not take 2-6 every 1-3 hours. Anyway, I found that after I fessed up to my sponsor and some of the people around the rooms (AA); I found a whole lot of support.
Good luck. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Jen
I'm on my 3rd work injury (sober). This last time was bad - happened back in June, haven't been back to work since. I was on Valium and Percocet for a total of 5 months; there was a surgery mixed in there as well. It is unsure if I will ever be able to work again; my career is over. Good news - at the time, I was just 13 years sober. Not the first time I've been on narcotics (as I said, this was my 3rd work injury); but by far the longest. I found myself liking the Percocet's entirely WAY TOO MUCH. I became extremely depressed about my condition and knowing that I was starting to enjoy the Percocet's way too much. I didn't want to admit it to anyone; though, I knew I had to. I was extremely suicidal (we're only as sick as our secrets). Had a whole bunch of emotional issues that had consumed me in the time of starting the narcotics and ending. Getting off them was awful. I fessed up to my doctor (waited a week to call him because I was afraid I would con him out of more). I still hurt so bad most days; I wonder how I'm ever going to get use to this. I'm 31 and a mother of 2 young children. I can't really play or do a whole lot with them. About 2 hours worth of grocery shopping is enough to put me through that I can't do anything else the rest of the day. The pain just consumes me, many times I consider going to the ER because it hurts so bad. I guess to help me, I think of the people (and there are a lot of them) who have it a whole lot worse than me. The doctors have tried plenty of other meds since then. The only effective one that I could actually "live" and enjoy life was Percocet - it numbed the pain enough that I could do stuff with my kids and do stuff around the house. Though I think the directions said take 1-2 every 4-6 hours as needed; not take 2-6 every 1-3 hours. Anyway, I found that after I fessed up to my sponsor and some of the people around the rooms (AA); I found a whole lot of support.
Good luck. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
Jen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Glendale Heights IL
Posts: 2
Thanks to all for your support.
HI and thank you for your support. I think after everything that I have been threw with this addiction I have I understand Step one! I am powerless over alcohol and drugs and anything that is going to be habbit forming. I understand what I was doing was insane! and I do not and will not ever have controll over addiction. I am going to my new wed night metting and I am going to have some stuff to get off my chest and I am going to ask for a temp sponser.
1 day clean so far and have been doing alot of thinking.......
I have a new vew on things now that I do understand step one.. I had thought I did.
Thanks for your support and a place to talk to others....
Jay
1 day clean so far and have been doing alot of thinking.......
I have a new vew on things now that I do understand step one.. I had thought I did.
Thanks for your support and a place to talk to others....
Jay
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: atl, ga
Posts: 2
hey Jay, I know very well what you are going through. Please take comfort in the fact that you are aware of your problem and you are trying to sort it out. I know it hurts, I know this all to well. You sound like a good person who is making bad decisions, but your decisions are borne out of your addiction. You are not alone... I know that that line is worn out but it is true, I know people who throw themselves down concrete stairs just to go to the E.R. to get pain meds. It's sad. Get better, your life can improve, you can be a great person. I say this to you and I say it to me as well, hopefully my life consists more of the acquisition of vics, does yours? I hope so, take care, write me if you want, I hope you do.W
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