Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
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Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse Part 1
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken belief #1: If you stop addictive use for a while and then begin using again, you have relapsed.
Fact: Relapse cannot occur until the addict acknowledges the presence of addictive disease, recognizes the need for total abstinence, and makes a decision to maintain sobriety with the assistance of a recovery program. Periods of abstinence before recognition of addiction are symptoms of the disease.
The basic steps in the road to sobriety form most chemically addicted people are:
1. Unregulated drinking or using.
2. Attempts to regulate by controlling quantity of intake or type of substance.
3. Attempts to control by pursuing periods of abstinence with the goal of returning to use. (If I can stop on my own it proves that I don’t need stop permanently.)
4. Making a decision to stop using but not changing your lifestyle.
5. Making a decision to change your lifestyle and pursue a program of recovery in order to stop drinking or using completely.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain abstinence for a period of time to prove that they can stop anytime they want to. They can then resume addictive use because they have “proved” that there is no need to quit.
Many addicted people drink or use in a final effort to test their control. They lose control and they learn the final lesson: I am not a normal user, I cannot control my use. They recognize that they are addicted and have lost control of their use. This creates a conscious realization for one interpretation of the first step in AA/NA.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain sobriety because of some external pressure (job, family, legal problems) that makes continuing to use very risky even though the person does not believe that he or she is addicted. These people have not "relapsed" after these periods of abstinence because the disease is simply continuing its progression.
The consequences of believing that any return to use is a relapse is that the addicted person is defeated before they get started. They punish themselves because they have failed in their efforts to stay sober before they have actually come to an understanding of their disease. They have a sense of hopelessness believing “I have tried and failed; I cannot do it because I have failed in the past.” They do not realize that they have never had the tools to recover. The fear of failure keeps them from trying again.
This mistaken belief also causes family and friends to “give up” on the addicted person and not support them in future attempts at sobriety.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken belief #1: If you stop addictive use for a while and then begin using again, you have relapsed.
Fact: Relapse cannot occur until the addict acknowledges the presence of addictive disease, recognizes the need for total abstinence, and makes a decision to maintain sobriety with the assistance of a recovery program. Periods of abstinence before recognition of addiction are symptoms of the disease.
The basic steps in the road to sobriety form most chemically addicted people are:
1. Unregulated drinking or using.
2. Attempts to regulate by controlling quantity of intake or type of substance.
3. Attempts to control by pursuing periods of abstinence with the goal of returning to use. (If I can stop on my own it proves that I don’t need stop permanently.)
4. Making a decision to stop using but not changing your lifestyle.
5. Making a decision to change your lifestyle and pursue a program of recovery in order to stop drinking or using completely.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain abstinence for a period of time to prove that they can stop anytime they want to. They can then resume addictive use because they have “proved” that there is no need to quit.
Many addicted people drink or use in a final effort to test their control. They lose control and they learn the final lesson: I am not a normal user, I cannot control my use. They recognize that they are addicted and have lost control of their use. This creates a conscious realization for one interpretation of the first step in AA/NA.
Sometimes addicted persons maintain sobriety because of some external pressure (job, family, legal problems) that makes continuing to use very risky even though the person does not believe that he or she is addicted. These people have not "relapsed" after these periods of abstinence because the disease is simply continuing its progression.
The consequences of believing that any return to use is a relapse is that the addicted person is defeated before they get started. They punish themselves because they have failed in their efforts to stay sober before they have actually come to an understanding of their disease. They have a sense of hopelessness believing “I have tried and failed; I cannot do it because I have failed in the past.” They do not realize that they have never had the tools to recover. The fear of failure keeps them from trying again.
This mistaken belief also causes family and friends to “give up” on the addicted person and not support them in future attempts at sobriety.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 398
Thanks Time2Surrender. I really find your posts very helpful and this is no exception. I think recently I have been bouncing back and forth between four and five on your list, lately spending more time with five.
It's been my experience that getting sober and staying sober is like peeling back layers of an onion. At first you think it has only to do with external actions, then you realize that there are internal changes that need to be made, and then you find the courage and the patience to make those internal changes.
Thanks for the post!
It's been my experience that getting sober and staying sober is like peeling back layers of an onion. At first you think it has only to do with external actions, then you realize that there are internal changes that need to be made, and then you find the courage and the patience to make those internal changes.
Thanks for the post!
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
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Thank you for your posts, this was very helpful. In 2004, I thought I kept relapsing when actually, I never had any of the tools that I needed to recover. I never gave up, I kept on and I'm very thankful for that.
Hope
Hope
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Mistaken Beliefs Part 2
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #2: Relapse comes on suddenly and without warning.
Fact: The relapse process begins long before alcohol and drug use starts. The pain and discomfort of being sober often trigger the relapse process.
There are sobriety-based symptoms of addiction that emerge with abstinence. Unless a person learns to manage these symptoms, they can increase in severity until an abstinent person becomes as dysfunctional as before sobriety began. These sobriety-based symptoms may include and intensified awareness of sights and sounds, and overreaction to stress, emotional numbness, emotional overreaction, memory problems, sleep disturbances, or mental confusion.
Sobriety based symptoms can be controlled or minimized by learning as much about them as possible, good nutritional practices including supplements and exercise, and by learning to relax and have fun. If the symptoms are not managed, the dysfunction and stress can lead to a change in behavior, a breakdown in relationships and social structure, a loss of good judgement, and finally out of control behavior.
Many people are out of control before they take the first drink or drug. The relapse process can cause them to become dysfunctional even though they are not drinking or using drugs. In AA/NA this dysfunction is often called a “Dry Drunk.”
Addicts may use to relieve these symptoms even though they know that using will eventually bring severe consequences. If the knowledge of these consequences keeps them from drinking or using drugs, they may become dysfunctional in other ways.
There are many warning signs that lead up to alcohol or drug use. If you believe the relapse process begins with using alcohol or drugs and comes on without warning you are less likely to recognize early warning signs of relapse when they occur. You are less likely to take care of yourself and learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms of addiction before they become severe.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #2: Relapse comes on suddenly and without warning.
Fact: The relapse process begins long before alcohol and drug use starts. The pain and discomfort of being sober often trigger the relapse process.
There are sobriety-based symptoms of addiction that emerge with abstinence. Unless a person learns to manage these symptoms, they can increase in severity until an abstinent person becomes as dysfunctional as before sobriety began. These sobriety-based symptoms may include and intensified awareness of sights and sounds, and overreaction to stress, emotional numbness, emotional overreaction, memory problems, sleep disturbances, or mental confusion.
Sobriety based symptoms can be controlled or minimized by learning as much about them as possible, good nutritional practices including supplements and exercise, and by learning to relax and have fun. If the symptoms are not managed, the dysfunction and stress can lead to a change in behavior, a breakdown in relationships and social structure, a loss of good judgement, and finally out of control behavior.
Many people are out of control before they take the first drink or drug. The relapse process can cause them to become dysfunctional even though they are not drinking or using drugs. In AA/NA this dysfunction is often called a “Dry Drunk.”
Addicts may use to relieve these symptoms even though they know that using will eventually bring severe consequences. If the knowledge of these consequences keeps them from drinking or using drugs, they may become dysfunctional in other ways.
There are many warning signs that lead up to alcohol or drug use. If you believe the relapse process begins with using alcohol or drugs and comes on without warning you are less likely to recognize early warning signs of relapse when they occur. You are less likely to take care of yourself and learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms of addiction before they become severe.
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Mistaken Beliefs Part 3
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #3: As long as you do not use alcohol or drugs you are recovering.
Fact: Abstinence is only a prerequisite to recovery. It is not recovery. Recovery requires the appropriate treatment of long and short-term withdrawal symptoms, and the physical, psychological, and social problems caused by the addiction. It is switching from a lifestyle centered around using, to a lifestyle centered around healthy living.
Sometimes people recognize that they are addicted and sincerely attempt abstinence but do not understand that they need help from others and a recovery program to maintain abstinence. They just quit. They are surprised when they begin using again, not realizing that sobriety requires more than just not using.
Bill was an alcoholic who was also a diabetic. His doctors told him if he did not stop drinking he would die. So he quit. For a year he did not have a drink. However, he did not change anything else in his life. He continued to associate with people who drank heavily; he attended social functions where drinking was the focus of the “fun.” Bill did not find other ways to have a good time or relax, neither did he learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms or the resulting stress. He was abstinent, but he was miserable. After a year Bill said, “If this is what I have to do to stay alive, it is not worth it.” He began to drink again, and after a few years, Bill died.
Many alcoholics who never use alcohol or drugs are not in recovery. They have nervous breakdowns, become psychotic, attempt suicide, or become sick with stress-related illnesses. All of this happens because of what we call the “relapse syndrome.”
If you believe that not using is recovery and that using is the only sign of failure to recover, you will minimize other problems with your recovery and you will switch from a focus on using to a focus on not using. You will not focus on a sobriety-centered lifestyle. Focusing upon not using becomes an excuse for not looking at other life areas. Not using is not recovery; it is just not using.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #3: As long as you do not use alcohol or drugs you are recovering.
Fact: Abstinence is only a prerequisite to recovery. It is not recovery. Recovery requires the appropriate treatment of long and short-term withdrawal symptoms, and the physical, psychological, and social problems caused by the addiction. It is switching from a lifestyle centered around using, to a lifestyle centered around healthy living.
Sometimes people recognize that they are addicted and sincerely attempt abstinence but do not understand that they need help from others and a recovery program to maintain abstinence. They just quit. They are surprised when they begin using again, not realizing that sobriety requires more than just not using.
Bill was an alcoholic who was also a diabetic. His doctors told him if he did not stop drinking he would die. So he quit. For a year he did not have a drink. However, he did not change anything else in his life. He continued to associate with people who drank heavily; he attended social functions where drinking was the focus of the “fun.” Bill did not find other ways to have a good time or relax, neither did he learn to manage the sobriety based symptoms or the resulting stress. He was abstinent, but he was miserable. After a year Bill said, “If this is what I have to do to stay alive, it is not worth it.” He began to drink again, and after a few years, Bill died.
Many alcoholics who never use alcohol or drugs are not in recovery. They have nervous breakdowns, become psychotic, attempt suicide, or become sick with stress-related illnesses. All of this happens because of what we call the “relapse syndrome.”
If you believe that not using is recovery and that using is the only sign of failure to recover, you will minimize other problems with your recovery and you will switch from a focus on using to a focus on not using. You will not focus on a sobriety-centered lifestyle. Focusing upon not using becomes an excuse for not looking at other life areas. Not using is not recovery; it is just not using.
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
thanks Tim2surrender.
There's a paragraph in the NA text, that got my attention
from earily on.
Getting things back, being employed, being socially acceptable,
dose not = recovery.
It bothered me a bit at first. As more clean time I got, I relized
that being an addict didn't only apply justs to drugs and alcohol.
Over working was the first thing I did. I felt just as F@%k up
as I did when I was using or worst, since I wasn't using.
I wasn't happy. Yes , I had a job, relationships, kids, cars and
a house.
There are many symtoms beside the drugs I notices as years went
by. The more I learned the more reconnize them.
I changes my life style in many, many ways.
Being in the fellowships, excercizing, hobbies, ect...
All these helped.
But I can get addictive to these activities just that same.
As my recocery grew. I also felt there was something dark
inside of me growning. It didn't have anything to do with
my childhood, losts ,or how good or bad I was living.
It feeds on the negatives of course.
To keep it short...It sucks to be in me.
This F@#cken thing inside of me wants to kill me and destroy me
or my life with or without the drugs or alcohol.
Recovery is easy sometimes, but it's f$@ken hard work most of
the time. I get sick and tired if sick and tired of working it also.
But I feel this disease getting stronger inside of me no matter
what I do.
Sometimes it dosn't matter what I do or don't do. I feel like
I'm going NUTZ
All I can do is Pray like hell weather I belive or don't belive.
Becuase this dark thing keeps tells me that there's no GOD.
I know its a symtom...
To live with it SUCKS. On a good day it okey.
ON a bad day..a dry drunk, insanity, or juast plane NUTZ...
I feel like not getting out of bed or living becuase everything
I touch or everything i do is just freanken wrong, but I can't do that, so
I make mistakes just trying to live to the best of my abilities.
One day at a time.
I came into recovery at 23,it tore me an extra A back when.
I'm currently 37 it's more powerful today than I can ever imagine..
Please share more on the matter. I need all the help I can get.
I know I'm responsiable for my recovery and not my disease,
but Damn......it ain't easy.
I have gray hairs, I don't dye them. I earned them.lol
There's a paragraph in the NA text, that got my attention
from earily on.
Getting things back, being employed, being socially acceptable,
dose not = recovery.
It bothered me a bit at first. As more clean time I got, I relized
that being an addict didn't only apply justs to drugs and alcohol.
Over working was the first thing I did. I felt just as F@%k up
as I did when I was using or worst, since I wasn't using.
I wasn't happy. Yes , I had a job, relationships, kids, cars and
a house.
There are many symtoms beside the drugs I notices as years went
by. The more I learned the more reconnize them.
I changes my life style in many, many ways.
Being in the fellowships, excercizing, hobbies, ect...
All these helped.
But I can get addictive to these activities just that same.
As my recocery grew. I also felt there was something dark
inside of me growning. It didn't have anything to do with
my childhood, losts ,or how good or bad I was living.
It feeds on the negatives of course.
To keep it short...It sucks to be in me.
This F@#cken thing inside of me wants to kill me and destroy me
or my life with or without the drugs or alcohol.
Recovery is easy sometimes, but it's f$@ken hard work most of
the time. I get sick and tired if sick and tired of working it also.
But I feel this disease getting stronger inside of me no matter
what I do.
Sometimes it dosn't matter what I do or don't do. I feel like
I'm going NUTZ
All I can do is Pray like hell weather I belive or don't belive.
Becuase this dark thing keeps tells me that there's no GOD.
I know its a symtom...
To live with it SUCKS. On a good day it okey.
ON a bad day..a dry drunk, insanity, or juast plane NUTZ...
I feel like not getting out of bed or living becuase everything
I touch or everything i do is just freanken wrong, but I can't do that, so
I make mistakes just trying to live to the best of my abilities.
One day at a time.
I came into recovery at 23,it tore me an extra A back when.
I'm currently 37 it's more powerful today than I can ever imagine..
Please share more on the matter. I need all the help I can get.
I know I'm responsiable for my recovery and not my disease,
but Damn......it ain't easy.
I have gray hairs, I don't dye them. I earned them.lol
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 4
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #4: Relapse occurs because addicts drop out of treatment or stop going to AA/NA meetings
Fact: Most people stop going to treatment or AA/NA because they are already in the process of relapse. Discontinuing treatment and AA/NA is often the result of the relapse process rather than the cause.
For relapse prone persons, treatment and AA/NA do not always work. In the AA “Big Book” it says in chapter 5, “Those who do not recover are people who cannot (italics ours) or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault.” It is likely that these “unfortunates” drop out of treatment and stop going to AA/NA meetings because the relapse symptoms become so severe that it becomes impossible for them to participate in treatment or AA/NA. Relapse prevention does not substitute for but supplements AA/NA. Relapse prevention planning must begin long before AA/NA and treatment is discontinued. We call this the AA/NA plus approach – AA/NA, professional counseling, and relapse prevention planning.
Barbara became very upset when she heard someone at a Relapse Prevention workshop say that discontinuing AA/NA attendance did not cause relapse. She knew many people who had returned to using alcohol or drugs when they stopped attending meetings. It was impossible to convince her that these people may have been in a process of relapse before they stopped going to meetings or that the relapse progression may have been the reason that they stopped attending. “As long as I keep going to meetings,” she said, “I won’t relapse.” Barbara continued to go to meetings, but she never learned to manage the sobriety-based symptoms of addiction and she never learned to interrupt her relapse-warning signs. She never drank, but she did have a nervous breakdown with tragic consequences for herself and her family.
If you see the return to alcohol and drug use as a result of discontinued meetings, you will tend to blame yourself rather than seeking out new possibilities for help. You may continue to go to meetings but do nothing else to interrupt the relapse process. You will continue to try what has already failed repeatedly in the past. You will not leave yourself open to new possibilities, or “go to any lengths” to maintain your sobriety. If you begin to use addictively in spite of going to meetings you will believe that you are hopeless. “This should work. If it does not work it is my fault. There is nothing else I can try; so, therefore, I must be hopeless.”
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #4: Relapse occurs because addicts drop out of treatment or stop going to AA/NA meetings
Fact: Most people stop going to treatment or AA/NA because they are already in the process of relapse. Discontinuing treatment and AA/NA is often the result of the relapse process rather than the cause.
For relapse prone persons, treatment and AA/NA do not always work. In the AA “Big Book” it says in chapter 5, “Those who do not recover are people who cannot (italics ours) or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault.” It is likely that these “unfortunates” drop out of treatment and stop going to AA/NA meetings because the relapse symptoms become so severe that it becomes impossible for them to participate in treatment or AA/NA. Relapse prevention does not substitute for but supplements AA/NA. Relapse prevention planning must begin long before AA/NA and treatment is discontinued. We call this the AA/NA plus approach – AA/NA, professional counseling, and relapse prevention planning.
Barbara became very upset when she heard someone at a Relapse Prevention workshop say that discontinuing AA/NA attendance did not cause relapse. She knew many people who had returned to using alcohol or drugs when they stopped attending meetings. It was impossible to convince her that these people may have been in a process of relapse before they stopped going to meetings or that the relapse progression may have been the reason that they stopped attending. “As long as I keep going to meetings,” she said, “I won’t relapse.” Barbara continued to go to meetings, but she never learned to manage the sobriety-based symptoms of addiction and she never learned to interrupt her relapse-warning signs. She never drank, but she did have a nervous breakdown with tragic consequences for herself and her family.
If you see the return to alcohol and drug use as a result of discontinued meetings, you will tend to blame yourself rather than seeking out new possibilities for help. You may continue to go to meetings but do nothing else to interrupt the relapse process. You will continue to try what has already failed repeatedly in the past. You will not leave yourself open to new possibilities, or “go to any lengths” to maintain your sobriety. If you begin to use addictively in spite of going to meetings you will believe that you are hopeless. “This should work. If it does not work it is my fault. There is nothing else I can try; so, therefore, I must be hopeless.”
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 5
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #5: Recovering persons will be consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse.
Fact: Most people who relapse or return to alcohol or drug use are not consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse as they are occurring. It is only when they look back later that they can see all of the things that were going on. There are several reasons why you may be unaware of the warning signs while they are happening.
The first is lack of information. You simply do not know what to look for. Once you learn about relapse warning signs you can learn to recognize the symptoms and take action before they get out of control.
The second reason is denial. When the relapse symptoms begin to develop, the old denial patterns come back. This is self-deception. The big lie, of course, is “I’m not alcoholic.” But sobriety –based denial can lead to the same path: “Sure, I’m and alcoholic, but I don’t have any problems. I can handle the stress related to my job and my family. Everything is fine.”
The third reason is neurological problems – that is, impairments of the brain and nervous system. These impairments create the sobriety-based symptoms of mental confusion, emotional numbness or overreaction, memory problems, and stress sensitivity. In early recovery these symptoms may create a “mental fog” that does improve in time. People in AA/NA say that they experience about one month of persistent and continuous “mental fog” in sobriety for every year of active drinking or drugging.
Sobriety-based symptoms may recur during times of heavy stress for the rest of your life, but proper nutrition, exercise, and stress management can reduce the severity. Fuzzy thinking caused by neurological impairment can interfere with the ability to recognize warning signs when they occur.
Because recovering persons are often unaware of the warning signs that lead to alcohol or drug use, it is important that you talk regularly with people who can help you recognize the warning signs that may be occurring.
The consequences of believing that you will be consciously aware of warning signs is that you will blame yourself for not knowing better. This will lower self-esteem further and invite you to hide your “stupidity.” Self-blame will increase stress and dysfunction. As a result you will be less likely to ask questions and be less open to feedback. If you are aware that there are hidden warning signs that precede a return to active addiction, you will not be motivated to watch for those warning signs and take actions to properly manage them.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #5: Recovering persons will be consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse.
Fact: Most people who relapse or return to alcohol or drug use are not consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse as they are occurring. It is only when they look back later that they can see all of the things that were going on. There are several reasons why you may be unaware of the warning signs while they are happening.
The first is lack of information. You simply do not know what to look for. Once you learn about relapse warning signs you can learn to recognize the symptoms and take action before they get out of control.
The second reason is denial. When the relapse symptoms begin to develop, the old denial patterns come back. This is self-deception. The big lie, of course, is “I’m not alcoholic.” But sobriety –based denial can lead to the same path: “Sure, I’m and alcoholic, but I don’t have any problems. I can handle the stress related to my job and my family. Everything is fine.”
The third reason is neurological problems – that is, impairments of the brain and nervous system. These impairments create the sobriety-based symptoms of mental confusion, emotional numbness or overreaction, memory problems, and stress sensitivity. In early recovery these symptoms may create a “mental fog” that does improve in time. People in AA/NA say that they experience about one month of persistent and continuous “mental fog” in sobriety for every year of active drinking or drugging.
Sobriety-based symptoms may recur during times of heavy stress for the rest of your life, but proper nutrition, exercise, and stress management can reduce the severity. Fuzzy thinking caused by neurological impairment can interfere with the ability to recognize warning signs when they occur.
Because recovering persons are often unaware of the warning signs that lead to alcohol or drug use, it is important that you talk regularly with people who can help you recognize the warning signs that may be occurring.
The consequences of believing that you will be consciously aware of warning signs is that you will blame yourself for not knowing better. This will lower self-esteem further and invite you to hide your “stupidity.” Self-blame will increase stress and dysfunction. As a result you will be less likely to ask questions and be less open to feedback. If you are aware that there are hidden warning signs that precede a return to active addiction, you will not be motivated to watch for those warning signs and take actions to properly manage them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 6
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #6: Once addictive people are consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse, they can choose to take action to make them go away.
Fact: Just becoming aware of the warning signs of relapse does not enable a person to interrupt them. They may not know what to do about them. They may not know what action will interrupt them. In other instances they may know what to do to control the warning signs but be unable to do it. Relapse warning signs often build up slowly until they become overpowering and become so severe that they cause a loss of control of thinking, emotions, memory, judgement, and behavior. So even when relapse warning signs are recognized, the person may be unable to stop them even with an effort to do so.
Sobriety-based denial can affect not only the ability to recognize relapse warning signs, but the ability to change them. Some people believe that bringing something into conscious awareness will automatically take care of it. They say to themselves, “Now that I can see that I am angry, I just won’t be angry anymore.” Or they say, “It is obvious I am under too much stress so I will just calm down.” And they do nothing to change their long-term, habitual way of dealing with anger or stress.
For people who do not know what to do to interrupt relapse-warning signs, relapse prevention planning can help them learn. They can develop the skills to interrupt the relapse process.
Those who know what needs to be done but are unable to do it need people to support their relapse prevention plan who will help them take the necessary action. But they must plan ahead. Some people say, “I’ll go to AA/NA when I need to.” But before they become aware that they need to, the symptoms may be out of control. Some people believe that they should be able to take action to change their relapse warning signs alone. This creates an obstacle to asking for and receiving help. It also contributes to guilt when loss of control occurs. Part of relapse prevention planning is using other people to interrupt relapse-warning signs when they occur.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #6: Once addictive people are consciously aware of the warning signs of relapse, they can choose to take action to make them go away.
Fact: Just becoming aware of the warning signs of relapse does not enable a person to interrupt them. They may not know what to do about them. They may not know what action will interrupt them. In other instances they may know what to do to control the warning signs but be unable to do it. Relapse warning signs often build up slowly until they become overpowering and become so severe that they cause a loss of control of thinking, emotions, memory, judgement, and behavior. So even when relapse warning signs are recognized, the person may be unable to stop them even with an effort to do so.
Sobriety-based denial can affect not only the ability to recognize relapse warning signs, but the ability to change them. Some people believe that bringing something into conscious awareness will automatically take care of it. They say to themselves, “Now that I can see that I am angry, I just won’t be angry anymore.” Or they say, “It is obvious I am under too much stress so I will just calm down.” And they do nothing to change their long-term, habitual way of dealing with anger or stress.
For people who do not know what to do to interrupt relapse-warning signs, relapse prevention planning can help them learn. They can develop the skills to interrupt the relapse process.
Those who know what needs to be done but are unable to do it need people to support their relapse prevention plan who will help them take the necessary action. But they must plan ahead. Some people say, “I’ll go to AA/NA when I need to.” But before they become aware that they need to, the symptoms may be out of control. Some people believe that they should be able to take action to change their relapse warning signs alone. This creates an obstacle to asking for and receiving help. It also contributes to guilt when loss of control occurs. Part of relapse prevention planning is using other people to interrupt relapse-warning signs when they occur.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
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Mistaken Beliefs Part 7
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #7: Relapse can be avoided by willpower and self-discipline.
Fact: Self-discipline and willpower alone will not prevent relapse. Relapse is the process by which an addicted person returns to their problematic old behavior. This relapse process can lead to alcohol or drug use. Alcohol or drug use happens because there is something missing in the recovery program. There are problems or conditions that are not being effectively managed or treated. There is something the recovering person needs to do, or needs to learn, or needs to stop doing. Without appropriate treatment and an effective sobriety program, self-discipline and willpower will not help.
Willpower alone does not prevent relapse with chemical dependency any more than it prevents relapse for a diabetic, a heart patient, or an arthritic. Chronic diseases require behaviors that keep symptoms under control. Chemical Dependency is a chronic disease. Attempting to prevent relapse by willpower only increases stress that intensifies the pain and problems that can lead to the progression of the relapse warning signs.
Recovering persons who think relapse can be prevented by willpower will try to “tough it out” when problems hit. They will believe they need to go it alone. The tendency will be to blame themselves for being weak rather than to acknowledge that they need special help. As a result they will not get the help that they need.
Jack grew up believing that he could accomplish anything if he tried hard enough. He was always a high achiever, making good grades in school and excelling in sports. He became a successful salesman and was able to achieve high sales in spite of his drinking. When he developed alcoholic hepatitis, his doctor told him that he had to quit drinking. With the help of AA he did and he made a firm commitment to sobriety. It was not uncommon to hear Jack say, “Now that I know that drinking could kill me, I will never drink again.”
But Jack did not know anything about sobriety-based symptoms so he did not know what was happening when he began overreacting to what was going on around him. He became so stressed that sometimes he was barely able to work. His sales performance was worse when he was drinking. Out of desperation he drank. He felt very guilty, sobered up, and resolved that it would never happen again. His resolve was sincere, but after a period of time he began experiencing the same sobriety-based symptoms and ultimately he drank again. By willpower, he was able to keep himself sober for a period of time, but relapsed so often that he was termed a binge drinker. He was really a relapse-prone alcoholic who believed that willpower could keep him sober.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #7: Relapse can be avoided by willpower and self-discipline.
Fact: Self-discipline and willpower alone will not prevent relapse. Relapse is the process by which an addicted person returns to their problematic old behavior. This relapse process can lead to alcohol or drug use. Alcohol or drug use happens because there is something missing in the recovery program. There are problems or conditions that are not being effectively managed or treated. There is something the recovering person needs to do, or needs to learn, or needs to stop doing. Without appropriate treatment and an effective sobriety program, self-discipline and willpower will not help.
Willpower alone does not prevent relapse with chemical dependency any more than it prevents relapse for a diabetic, a heart patient, or an arthritic. Chronic diseases require behaviors that keep symptoms under control. Chemical Dependency is a chronic disease. Attempting to prevent relapse by willpower only increases stress that intensifies the pain and problems that can lead to the progression of the relapse warning signs.
Recovering persons who think relapse can be prevented by willpower will try to “tough it out” when problems hit. They will believe they need to go it alone. The tendency will be to blame themselves for being weak rather than to acknowledge that they need special help. As a result they will not get the help that they need.
Jack grew up believing that he could accomplish anything if he tried hard enough. He was always a high achiever, making good grades in school and excelling in sports. He became a successful salesman and was able to achieve high sales in spite of his drinking. When he developed alcoholic hepatitis, his doctor told him that he had to quit drinking. With the help of AA he did and he made a firm commitment to sobriety. It was not uncommon to hear Jack say, “Now that I know that drinking could kill me, I will never drink again.”
But Jack did not know anything about sobriety-based symptoms so he did not know what was happening when he began overreacting to what was going on around him. He became so stressed that sometimes he was barely able to work. His sales performance was worse when he was drinking. Out of desperation he drank. He felt very guilty, sobered up, and resolved that it would never happen again. His resolve was sincere, but after a period of time he began experiencing the same sobriety-based symptoms and ultimately he drank again. By willpower, he was able to keep himself sober for a period of time, but relapsed so often that he was termed a binge drinker. He was really a relapse-prone alcoholic who believed that willpower could keep him sober.
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
thanks time2surrender
The last two post was what happened to me.
I was aware of the signs but I was unable to inturpt them.
It was gradual and didn't happened over night.
relationship demands, job demands or just living.
Little pin pricks that eat at me little by little.
I become aware of them more as I became more and more
emotiinally and spiritually bankrupted.
As stated , I didn't develope a long term behaviors or
fell back into my old behavior pattern.
I just GOT OVER THEM on a day to day basis,
but deep down inside I felt like crap.
And being clean and sober as long as I've been
kept me in further denile of I can handle it.
I'll go when I need to....when that time arrives, I don't go.
"I can handle it."
So I do one those fox hole prayer.
God dose answers me in differnt ways, I was fully aware
of that also. but I was unable to change even a part of
me knew and wanted to. And the cycle of self defeat
continues.
I also see it happening to one of my best freind in recovery.
And I don't really know how to go about tell'in him.
He's not thinking about getting high or relapse.
He's working like a mad man trying to surpport his family.
It is also why I'm currently on step 6 again and
still keeping myself on this step for a while.
I belived I've rush through this step or process
LET GO.....
I'm also getting a better understanding of my defects
or relapes signs. My sponsors said he goes thur the same thing.
I basically get up and feel I'm in a funk almost every morning.
It's been a while since I've wake up with a zest for life.
I'm basically powerless over all my defects and would have to treat them
like I did with drugs or alcohol. It all goes back to step 1.
I'm trying to develope or practice this as a long term behavior
pattern. Surrender and let GOD fight my battles for me.
I'm basically powerless over everything other then turning
my will and life over.
Maybe I'm missing something so tell more .
The last two post was what happened to me.
I was aware of the signs but I was unable to inturpt them.
It was gradual and didn't happened over night.
relationship demands, job demands or just living.
Little pin pricks that eat at me little by little.
I become aware of them more as I became more and more
emotiinally and spiritually bankrupted.
As stated , I didn't develope a long term behaviors or
fell back into my old behavior pattern.
I just GOT OVER THEM on a day to day basis,
but deep down inside I felt like crap.
And being clean and sober as long as I've been
kept me in further denile of I can handle it.
I'll go when I need to....when that time arrives, I don't go.
"I can handle it."
So I do one those fox hole prayer.
God dose answers me in differnt ways, I was fully aware
of that also. but I was unable to change even a part of
me knew and wanted to. And the cycle of self defeat
continues.
I also see it happening to one of my best freind in recovery.
And I don't really know how to go about tell'in him.
He's not thinking about getting high or relapse.
He's working like a mad man trying to surpport his family.
It is also why I'm currently on step 6 again and
still keeping myself on this step for a while.
I belived I've rush through this step or process
LET GO.....
I'm also getting a better understanding of my defects
or relapes signs. My sponsors said he goes thur the same thing.
I basically get up and feel I'm in a funk almost every morning.
It's been a while since I've wake up with a zest for life.
I'm basically powerless over all my defects and would have to treat them
like I did with drugs or alcohol. It all goes back to step 1.
I'm trying to develope or practice this as a long term behavior
pattern. Surrender and let GOD fight my battles for me.
I'm basically powerless over everything other then turning
my will and life over.
Maybe I'm missing something so tell more .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 8
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #8: People who relapse are not motivated to recover.
Fact: Most relapse prone people are motivated to get well. They want to get sober and stay that way. They try everything they know in order to find comfortable sobriety. But nothing seems to work. Some cannot stay sober because they lack the knowledge of their personal relapse warning signs. Others recognize the warning signs but are powerless to control them once they develop. Because addicts begin to use again it does not mean that they did not want to stay sober in the first place. Alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease like cancer or heart disease. When a heart disease patient has his third heart attack, or when a cancer patient goes out of remission, we do not say, “Well, they just did not want to get well.”
When the alcoholic drinks after a period of sobriety it is not fair to say, “He just was not motivated. He did not want to get well.” Some relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe sobriety-based symptoms that they view alcohol or drug use as the only way out.
Andy, a relapse prone addict put it this way; “I reached the point in sobriety where I was so miserable that I believed that I only had three choices: I could kill myself; I could go crazy; or I could use. Under those circumstances using seemed the most sensible alternative. I did not want to die, and I was scared of going crazy. So I used.” Motivation alone, like willpower, is not sufficient to produce ongoing recovery. Specialized treatment for relapse prone persons is required. They need other options to the choices of dying, going crazy, or using.
If this is not recognized, relapse prone people who end up using will begin to doubt their own motives. A part of the individual knows he wants to get sober, but another part will begin saying, “If I really wanted to get sober I would not have gotten drunk or used those drugs. I must not be motivated. I cannot trust my thinking.” This is going to lower self-esteem and self-respect. It is magical thinking to believe that wanting something bad enough is all that is necessary for it to happen.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #8: People who relapse are not motivated to recover.
Fact: Most relapse prone people are motivated to get well. They want to get sober and stay that way. They try everything they know in order to find comfortable sobriety. But nothing seems to work. Some cannot stay sober because they lack the knowledge of their personal relapse warning signs. Others recognize the warning signs but are powerless to control them once they develop. Because addicts begin to use again it does not mean that they did not want to stay sober in the first place. Alcoholism and drug addiction are a disease like cancer or heart disease. When a heart disease patient has his third heart attack, or when a cancer patient goes out of remission, we do not say, “Well, they just did not want to get well.”
When the alcoholic drinks after a period of sobriety it is not fair to say, “He just was not motivated. He did not want to get well.” Some relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe sobriety-based symptoms that they view alcohol or drug use as the only way out.
Andy, a relapse prone addict put it this way; “I reached the point in sobriety where I was so miserable that I believed that I only had three choices: I could kill myself; I could go crazy; or I could use. Under those circumstances using seemed the most sensible alternative. I did not want to die, and I was scared of going crazy. So I used.” Motivation alone, like willpower, is not sufficient to produce ongoing recovery. Specialized treatment for relapse prone persons is required. They need other options to the choices of dying, going crazy, or using.
If this is not recognized, relapse prone people who end up using will begin to doubt their own motives. A part of the individual knows he wants to get sober, but another part will begin saying, “If I really wanted to get sober I would not have gotten drunk or used those drugs. I must not be motivated. I cannot trust my thinking.” This is going to lower self-esteem and self-respect. It is magical thinking to believe that wanting something bad enough is all that is necessary for it to happen.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 9
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #9: When people relapse it means that they have not “hit bottom” yet and that they need more pain.
Fact: Many relapse prone people have “hit bottom,” but their disease has handed them a shovel and told them to start digging. In addiction, as in any other disease, a certain amount of pain is necessary to recognize that you are sick and in need of treatment.
When the pain of drinking or using becomes more intense than the pain of not drinking or using, most people become motivated to stop. But the decision to stop is not the same as the decision not to drink or use again. The pain of sobriety, for many people, is so intense that it can interfere with the ability to stay sober.
Too much pain can become crippling. Pain itself can make a person dysfunctional and unable to think or respond to treatment. Relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe pain as a result of their alcoholism/addiction that the pain cripples them. This crippling pain persists into sobriety and prevents them from getting well. The pain of alcoholism/addiction and the symptoms that occur in sobriety often contribute to the relapse process.
People who believe that more pain is necessary will punish themselves for the failure to stay sober. They will also accept harsh confrontation and extremely punitive therapy without question, thinking that they deserve it. “Maybe if I hurt worse this will not happen again.” This increased pain increases the likelihood of a future relapse. It also destroys self-esteem and self-respect.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #9: When people relapse it means that they have not “hit bottom” yet and that they need more pain.
Fact: Many relapse prone people have “hit bottom,” but their disease has handed them a shovel and told them to start digging. In addiction, as in any other disease, a certain amount of pain is necessary to recognize that you are sick and in need of treatment.
When the pain of drinking or using becomes more intense than the pain of not drinking or using, most people become motivated to stop. But the decision to stop is not the same as the decision not to drink or use again. The pain of sobriety, for many people, is so intense that it can interfere with the ability to stay sober.
Too much pain can become crippling. Pain itself can make a person dysfunctional and unable to think or respond to treatment. Relapse prone alcoholic/addicts experience such severe pain as a result of their alcoholism/addiction that the pain cripples them. This crippling pain persists into sobriety and prevents them from getting well. The pain of alcoholism/addiction and the symptoms that occur in sobriety often contribute to the relapse process.
People who believe that more pain is necessary will punish themselves for the failure to stay sober. They will also accept harsh confrontation and extremely punitive therapy without question, thinking that they deserve it. “Maybe if I hurt worse this will not happen again.” This increased pain increases the likelihood of a future relapse. It also destroys self-esteem and self-respect.
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
I relapes becuase I was afraid of going crazy.
Well.... I freanken relapes and went nutz anyhow.
The pain never went away...the disease would tell me
use some more or get stronger booze or drugs.
The every same behavoirs or thinking before I came into recovery.
I was reading step 6 and 7 in the basic text last night.
These are the every 2 steps that I always have problems
with or rush thur.
To this day I'm scare to death of doing my 7th step prayer.
Within weeks of my last 7th step prayer. My freanken life
truned upside down. I became humble alright.
God damn...I hurted more ways then I could ever imagined.
I went out of my freanken mind.
God don't give me more than I can handle? Holy Schmoly.....
I didn't relapes and yes there would be growth and a lot of
miracles to follow.
this time
growing pains or we grow thur pain. (step 6 and 7 in the NA bt)
I suffered a lot of pain but wasn't willing to grow.
Crises or pain as bad as it may seem or feel.
It is an opportunity for me to be humble, beaten I was.
To know that I can't do this along, or I can't handle it.
An opportunity to build my trust or stangthen my faith wiht my HP.
It was the pain that I've felt coming on 6 months ago.
I certainly don't want to belive pain is nessary for growth.
I can certainly do without pain in my life.
I went out of my freaken mind and had to go sit on a god damn rock
Dysfuntional ?....I locked the damn keys in my car with
the engine running. The last time.
It is this resentment toward my HP I have in this process
and of course...I've heard it a thousand times.
If I don't do it, I'll relapes, and I've experienced it first hand
Tell me more.......
Maybe I'm wrong, I hope that I'm wrong.
or doing it wrong.
I'm still on step 6.
It is becuase I'm afraid to move forward ?
Well.... I freanken relapes and went nutz anyhow.
The pain never went away...the disease would tell me
use some more or get stronger booze or drugs.
The every same behavoirs or thinking before I came into recovery.
I was reading step 6 and 7 in the basic text last night.
These are the every 2 steps that I always have problems
with or rush thur.
To this day I'm scare to death of doing my 7th step prayer.
Within weeks of my last 7th step prayer. My freanken life
truned upside down. I became humble alright.
God damn...I hurted more ways then I could ever imagined.
I went out of my freanken mind.
God don't give me more than I can handle? Holy Schmoly.....
I didn't relapes and yes there would be growth and a lot of
miracles to follow.
this time
growing pains or we grow thur pain. (step 6 and 7 in the NA bt)
I suffered a lot of pain but wasn't willing to grow.
Crises or pain as bad as it may seem or feel.
It is an opportunity for me to be humble, beaten I was.
To know that I can't do this along, or I can't handle it.
An opportunity to build my trust or stangthen my faith wiht my HP.
It was the pain that I've felt coming on 6 months ago.
I certainly don't want to belive pain is nessary for growth.
I can certainly do without pain in my life.
I went out of my freaken mind and had to go sit on a god damn rock
Dysfuntional ?....I locked the damn keys in my car with
the engine running. The last time.
It is this resentment toward my HP I have in this process
and of course...I've heard it a thousand times.
If I don't do it, I'll relapes, and I've experienced it first hand
Tell me more.......
Maybe I'm wrong, I hope that I'm wrong.
or doing it wrong.
I'm still on step 6.
It is becuase I'm afraid to move forward ?
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
Is it really this simple?
The tool that's been passed on to me years and years go
and I practice these things becuase it works as my life got
better and better, but when life got good I became complacent
and don't pratice it as much. But I didn't know it was step 6 and 7.
It was just blind faith and I just took some simple suggestions.
LET GO and LET GOD ?
When I feel pain or discomfort big or small from just living.
I let go of my pain ,trun it over and let god.
Ihis way I don't act out on my defects and creat shortcomings.
Rather I focused on being happy and rebuilding my life .
I basically relapes becuase I wasn't working my program, I didn't do
the simple things that worked for me over and over again.
The tool that's been passed on to me years and years go
and I practice these things becuase it works as my life got
better and better, but when life got good I became complacent
and don't pratice it as much. But I didn't know it was step 6 and 7.
It was just blind faith and I just took some simple suggestions.
LET GO and LET GOD ?
When I feel pain or discomfort big or small from just living.
I let go of my pain ,trun it over and let god.
Ihis way I don't act out on my defects and creat shortcomings.
Rather I focused on being happy and rebuilding my life .
I basically relapes becuase I wasn't working my program, I didn't do
the simple things that worked for me over and over again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Mistaken Beliefs Part 10
Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #10: The only way to stay sober is to let other people attack you and tear you down so that you will give up all of your defenses.
Fact: The fact is that once the addicted person recognizes the need for help, personal attacks and the tearing down of their defenses are going to raise stress and lower self esteem and self respect. This will reinforce the mistaken belief that the addict is a “bad” person who needs to become good through punishment, rather than a sick person who needs to learn the skills of recovery.
Self-confrontation is necessary for addicts to see the reality of their situation. This simply means to present information that one may not want to take a look at. It does not mean attacking the person’s character and tearing down self-respect. Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are often in severe pain. If they allow themselves to be attacked and their defenses torn down this will increase their pain. They are holding on to their defenses for dear life because they have no other way to cope with the reality of their situation. Attacking these defenses creates high levels of stress. High stress causes confusion, emotional reaction or emotional numbness, or memory problems. As a result, harsh confrontation often makes the relapse prone person worse.
Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are sick, and they need to be treated as such. The facts of their condition need to be presented to them, and they often need to be forced to make difficult decisions about seeking treatment. But once they are in treatment, confrontation should be used sparingly. It should be replaced with education, problem solving, and support. Self-confrontation is the result. Most relapse prone alcoholics and addicts respond very well to accurate information about relapse and are eager to try out relapse prevention planning techniques.
As a patient, you have rights and responsibilities for your own treatment and recovery. Allowing yourself to be degraded and humiliated is not therapeutic. It diminishes your self-esteem. It causes you to abandon your judgement and to accept without question what someone tells you. You should remember that as an addiction patient you have the same rights as other medical patients. You have the right to ask questions and to ask for a second opinion. Those rights are not relinquished by the belief that you must allow yourself to be emotionally battered and degraded to get well.
A MISTAKEN BELIEF IS SOMETHING THAT YOU BELIEVE TO BE TRUE AND ACT AS IF IT WERE TRUE WHEN, IN FACT, IT IS FALSE.
Mistaken Belief #10: The only way to stay sober is to let other people attack you and tear you down so that you will give up all of your defenses.
Fact: The fact is that once the addicted person recognizes the need for help, personal attacks and the tearing down of their defenses are going to raise stress and lower self esteem and self respect. This will reinforce the mistaken belief that the addict is a “bad” person who needs to become good through punishment, rather than a sick person who needs to learn the skills of recovery.
Self-confrontation is necessary for addicts to see the reality of their situation. This simply means to present information that one may not want to take a look at. It does not mean attacking the person’s character and tearing down self-respect. Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are often in severe pain. If they allow themselves to be attacked and their defenses torn down this will increase their pain. They are holding on to their defenses for dear life because they have no other way to cope with the reality of their situation. Attacking these defenses creates high levels of stress. High stress causes confusion, emotional reaction or emotional numbness, or memory problems. As a result, harsh confrontation often makes the relapse prone person worse.
Relapse prone alcoholics and addicts are sick, and they need to be treated as such. The facts of their condition need to be presented to them, and they often need to be forced to make difficult decisions about seeking treatment. But once they are in treatment, confrontation should be used sparingly. It should be replaced with education, problem solving, and support. Self-confrontation is the result. Most relapse prone alcoholics and addicts respond very well to accurate information about relapse and are eager to try out relapse prevention planning techniques.
As a patient, you have rights and responsibilities for your own treatment and recovery. Allowing yourself to be degraded and humiliated is not therapeutic. It diminishes your self-esteem. It causes you to abandon your judgement and to accept without question what someone tells you. You should remember that as an addiction patient you have the same rights as other medical patients. You have the right to ask questions and to ask for a second opinion. Those rights are not relinquished by the belief that you must allow yourself to be emotionally battered and degraded to get well.
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