Time2Surrender

Im not going to use.I am safe as far as that goes.Actually everything was fine up to a few moments ago.I was at another forum,and saw a thread about people who died from addiction.So,I posted about a girlfriend of mine who died a few years ago.No problem.Then I clicked the link to the police report when she was killed.I stared at her name and lost it.Now I cant stop crying.I been saving a movie for tonight and bought some popcorn.May not sound like much but it was important to me.Went to a meeting and knew I had a movie and popcorn for later.So,trying to cheer myself up I put the popcorn in the microwave and came back to my computer.I wondered what was taking so long.I went in the kitchen and noticed I set the timer for 40 mins instead of 4 mins.Oh yeah,it was burnt.At one time this would have sent me out the door.Not tonight though.Its funny how the little things can set an addict off.Just typing this out already has me feeling better.My girlfriend died 5 yrs ago and its been a while since I have really broke down like I did tonight.Thanks for letting me vent.Anyone have any popcorn?

Live

hugs, my friend. I remember and shall never forget the day I picked up the police report and "belongings".
That was five years ago and I don't struggle with alcoholism but I did get drunk and go to church both. It hits hard.
I wish I could sit with you now and we could both eat some popcorn, and maybe something more fattening than that. I am thinking cheese cubes. And watch a concert.
But, maybe you just need to be still with it and let it do it's work. There must have been some reason you chose to look at the police report.
I burned mine. After a couple of years.
What could it say?
The loss is the same.
I am sending you the warmest of hugs!
You have a friend.
My name is live.

Live

If you want to talk, I am here. Nothing you say can shock me, I have been there. I can sit with you, I can listen. We can cry and we can cuss. We do whatever it takes.
But I am strong that way. And I have leaned on you without knowing you. Let me be a friend when you need that. This is one place I can go with you.

Time2Surrender

Thanks Live.I will be OK.The popcorn is burnt.Its a lost cause.Everything was fine till a little while ago.I cooked a great dinner this afternoon,went to my meeting tonight,came home and talked to a good friend on the phone.Even talked a little about my girlfriend that died.But seeing her name in the report set me off.Im still gonna watch my movie now."Mystic river" not even sure what it's about.I heard it's good.But,I think someone dies in it too.Who knows? I may be right back here at SR again.

jlu

Sorry about your popcorn Time! I love popcorn... that sucks!!! Mystic River is a good movie.... ENJOY!!!

mikee

Sorry you had to re-live your loss,your in my prayers.

mikee

Live

Well, time to surrender, I did something with you I have never done before. In the two years I have been here, I have never before just starting pm'ing someone and talking. And I did that to you. So I think there must be some understanding there whether it is way down the road or tomorrow.
This grief an loss business I have been through backwards and forwards, and instead of making me fragile, I have had to become very strong. Not by choice, but by necessity. so, Simon and Garfunkel, when you need a friend, call my name. There is little of loss and grief I have not experienced, fought, struggled with and came out on the other side. But it is never linear. I will be here for you. That's a promise.
But, enjoy your movie. It is 5:30 in the morning here. I am going to bed.
I will not allow myself to watch violent or sad things. I am going to read a book where I will be vicariously scaling mountains!
i like to be kind to me.
i think I read that book Mystic River.
The popcorn is burnt. I am going to munch on healthy wheat crackers. But cheese and pasta and fat things sound alot better.

BarbW141FL

What a beautiful gift that you can share the REAL you with us today. If there is one single most important reason how and why I can comfortably live without a drink or a drug today, it is simply because I can accept being who I am today thanks to AA's 12 steps. I can accept being far, far less than perfect. I have learned to be 'comfortable within my own skin'. To find an
acceptance of my own humanity. I could always accept anybody else's human-ness but not my own. Only thru the love of my AA group did I learn to love and accept myself. Good for you. And thank you so much for sharing your story tonight.

Time2Surrender

I have learned a lot about the grieving process over the last few years.I will never be able to put into words the horror of a police officer coming to my house and telling me my fiance was dead.I went to grief classes,prayed,and finally had to tell her goodbye in my own way.I had to let it go.Im not sure what happened tonight.I had even been talking about her on the phone with a friend tonight.Talking about how I met her,our first date,etc.I was fine.Then clicking that link for the police report and seeing her name and the words "deceased" set me off again.I feel better now.I am watching "Mystic river" and stopped for a break.Back to the subject of grieving and moving on.I like what Paul MCartney had to say about the subject.He wrote this after his mother passed away.This song has helped me so much. When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

CAPTAINZING2000

Mike,

Hit The Sack. We Can Talk Tommorrow When, The New Day Has Arrived. Mystic River Now That's A Movie Huh. Acting Was Superb

In memory of miracle

((( Mike ))) Prayers^ Bless,Trish

Time2Surrender

Thank you everyone for your replies.I really am ok now.Like they say "this to shall pass" and it always does.

In memory of miracle

It does...xx

ChrisMan

Time2Surrender,

Sorry I wasn't here last night, but hope now you have a better day today.

It is so important to grieve. Sounds like you just needed some time to grieve once again.

Hope you have a great day today.

ChrisMan

hopealwayz

Mike, sorry you had a rough night. Sometimes grieving is a good thing. Keeping things inside makes it so much worse. I'm here for you and you are in my prayers.

Hope

Little Missy

((Mike)) You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Missy

Live

Wow, I didn't know the story behind that song! Thank you for sharing that!

kckman

Mike hope you are feeling better today?

Time2Surrender

Yes,thanx for asking.And thank you to everyone who replied to this thread.I am doing great today. But dont tell Dan (he thinks it be nice to T2 day) He is even posting links to Ford websites!

Chy

(((Mike))).. I'm glad it's a better day!