any adice....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: knoxville, tn.
Posts: 12
any adice.... 
I am so scared tonight and missed my meeting. i feel torn so many ways......i know staying sober is Number 1. i feel so bad. i have a horrible cold and my body feels like i am dying....any suggestions....dr. put me on carbamazepine and stuff for my legs. i had been sleeping in the bath tub and today i did sleep in the bed....that a good thing. i miss my meeting.....i draw strength from them so much.....good luck to all with these horrible addictions. any advice on enjoying sobriety is appreciated. a guy told me in a meeting to quit counting the days and live my life. i am couinting them down to withdraw stop....i feel so sick.... i have stopped c/t. God bless you all. pray for me, there is a bottle of vicodin in the drawer here. and what a battle...... i hate i have come to this....over a damn surgery and here i am.... in love with a freaking pill. thats insanity! 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((TallyUp)))))))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery. My only suggestion at this point is ......
come join me in the Chatroom if your still up and moving around the computer.
I'm fresh back from my Home Group and our wonderful Saturday night meeting. I'm on fire for living sober and would love to visit for a bit before grabbing a good book and heading to bed if your interested.
3 Legacy
Welcome to Sober Recovery. My only suggestion at this point is ......
come join me in the Chatroom if your still up and moving around the computer.
I'm fresh back from my Home Group and our wonderful Saturday night meeting. I'm on fire for living sober and would love to visit for a bit before grabbing a good book and heading to bed if your interested.
3 Legacy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: knoxville, tn.
Posts: 12
i am at work and i have tried the chat room and it won't let me enter it.....thank you for your encouragement. i am scared and feel alone. those meetings are awesome and keep me going. keep me in your prayers.....I am not going to use with Gods help. i have opened the drawer about 10 times but am trying to get mad about it.... i got a candy bar and a coke.....that is good stuff. who long do you think this tiredness will last? my dr. said 2 or 3 weeks..... i start school tuesday with a lot of responsibilities. God bless.....
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
You have a huge battle ahead. An addict withdrawing from pain killers, with pain killers in the drawer next to them, is going to have a tough battle. Find every ounce of strength you can muster and fight it. Just know that, even though it doesn't seem like it now, it'll be well worth the pain you're suffering to get clean. Hang on to that thought knowing I have you in my thoughts and prayers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: knoxville, tn.
Posts: 12
thank you so much. i have some numbers to call as well. i made a list of all the bad thingg about using. least i have more money this week end. i have the drug dealers money i owe her but am scared to go around her....talk about unmanagable...thats my life right now.. but God help me i don't and can't do this over, this has been so hard this week. thank for your prayers....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
Putting a prayer out for you right now my friend. Hang in there!
I believe you have to re-register to get into the Chatroom. Hopefully a trusted servant will pop into this thread and give you the techy business for that.
I believe you have to re-register to get into the Chatroom. Hopefully a trusted servant will pop into this thread and give you the techy business for that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: knoxville, tn.
Posts: 12
i am reading my na book and now out of the room (where pills are) no one know i have this problem. i am so thankful i could talk with you all tonight! God works through each of us. i have to view the pill as the enemy.....the pills the doc put me on makes me lathargic....thanks again i am going to go read and hope won't get busy here. God bless all of you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: knoxville, tn.
Posts: 12
thank you so much. i am feeling better. it comes in waves. i am getting really mad at these pills just lurking tempting me. i have one week of sobriety. i have one white chip and am so proud of it. thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 14
I'd give you advice but it seems like you're already doing it. Just keep posting. Tell us how you're doing, how you're feeling or what you're thinking about. This is your thread...so if you feel you need to ramble on, ramble on brother! Surround yourself with recovery. Read about it. Talk about it. Hang out with it. Make friends with it. Write about it.
If you're anything like me, and it sounds like you might be, you'll need to do recovery on a 24/7 basis. I had to jump right in the middle of this program feet first cuz nothing else would work. There's a saying in AA about how 'half-measures availed us nothing' and I finally started sticking around when I understood what that really meant. To me, it meant that I couldn't afford to **** off by just lolly-gagging around and maybe doing a meeting here and there. I had to move in with other recovering addicts and commit to a meeting every night. I had to reread all the recovery books I had read a thousand times in a hundred different rehabs. I've tried recovery more times than I can count and have relapsed in so many different ways that it seemed like nothing could ever work for me until I finally realized that the one thing I wasn't doing was...everything they said to do in the meetings. They said to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, work the steps, and go to more meetings and every time I came around for awhile, I did one or two of these things but never really committed myself to the entirety of this program until I my ass was in a sling and I had lost all hope except that hope which was given to me at my first NA meeting. That hope was that they promised freedom - a freedom I've never known before - freedom from active addiction. When I first started coming around, I'm not sure if I really comprehended what that really meant at that time. All I knew at the time was that I had no where else to go but a meeting. I knew that I was at a turning point in my life where it was either a prison cell, death, or this recovery thing that I had amazingly (by the grace of God
) managed to stumble into.
I extend that same promise to you. If you keep coming back (to this board, to the meetings, etc) and - no matter what - don't use, you will be granted freedom from active addiction. And that freedom is the sweetest gift you could ever imagine. It's such a sweet gift that you may someday find yourself donating unbelievable amounts of time and energy giving back what was so freely given to you. I know I sometimes think of where I was when I was given another chance at life - I was so close to giving up on life, I could never express how grateful I feel. I sometimes feel as though nobody could understand how close I was to really falling off the deep-end until I see other people at work in this program, guys that go into the jails and prisons bringing recovery week after week, others that spend hundreds of dollars on some dirty NA t-shirt at an NA auction, old AA guys who have been around for 20 years and are still washing dishes for AA... Then I realize that I'm not alone, that they were all just as close as I was to losing everything.
Tallyup, you're not alone either. I was a dirty homeless bum with the jitters who couldn't stop stealing and all I could think about was homicide or suicide but I was given another chance just as you have been given a chance. I know I said that I didn't have any advice but I guess I do - keep coming back.
Well, that was rather long-winded. I was having a bad day and really needed to hear what was going on with you Tallyup. Thanks.
Ramble - off.
If you're anything like me, and it sounds like you might be, you'll need to do recovery on a 24/7 basis. I had to jump right in the middle of this program feet first cuz nothing else would work. There's a saying in AA about how 'half-measures availed us nothing' and I finally started sticking around when I understood what that really meant. To me, it meant that I couldn't afford to **** off by just lolly-gagging around and maybe doing a meeting here and there. I had to move in with other recovering addicts and commit to a meeting every night. I had to reread all the recovery books I had read a thousand times in a hundred different rehabs. I've tried recovery more times than I can count and have relapsed in so many different ways that it seemed like nothing could ever work for me until I finally realized that the one thing I wasn't doing was...everything they said to do in the meetings. They said to go to 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, work the steps, and go to more meetings and every time I came around for awhile, I did one or two of these things but never really committed myself to the entirety of this program until I my ass was in a sling and I had lost all hope except that hope which was given to me at my first NA meeting. That hope was that they promised freedom - a freedom I've never known before - freedom from active addiction. When I first started coming around, I'm not sure if I really comprehended what that really meant at that time. All I knew at the time was that I had no where else to go but a meeting. I knew that I was at a turning point in my life where it was either a prison cell, death, or this recovery thing that I had amazingly (by the grace of God
) managed to stumble into.I extend that same promise to you. If you keep coming back (to this board, to the meetings, etc) and - no matter what - don't use, you will be granted freedom from active addiction. And that freedom is the sweetest gift you could ever imagine. It's such a sweet gift that you may someday find yourself donating unbelievable amounts of time and energy giving back what was so freely given to you. I know I sometimes think of where I was when I was given another chance at life - I was so close to giving up on life, I could never express how grateful I feel. I sometimes feel as though nobody could understand how close I was to really falling off the deep-end until I see other people at work in this program, guys that go into the jails and prisons bringing recovery week after week, others that spend hundreds of dollars on some dirty NA t-shirt at an NA auction, old AA guys who have been around for 20 years and are still washing dishes for AA... Then I realize that I'm not alone, that they were all just as close as I was to losing everything.
Tallyup, you're not alone either. I was a dirty homeless bum with the jitters who couldn't stop stealing and all I could think about was homicide or suicide but I was given another chance just as you have been given a chance. I know I said that I didn't have any advice but I guess I do - keep coming back.
Well, that was rather long-winded. I was having a bad day and really needed to hear what was going on with you Tallyup. Thanks.
Ramble - off.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Tally,
I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better and congratulations for getting as far as you have. Too bad you couldn't get out to your meeting but you'll get lots of support here.
If I were you I would not have pills around now for any reason. I'm an alcoholic but I couldn't stand to be around alcohol early on, not for a minute. I hope you'll begin to fill your life doing things that bring you joy.
Anna
I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better and congratulations for getting as far as you have. Too bad you couldn't get out to your meeting but you'll get lots of support here.
If I were you I would not have pills around now for any reason. I'm an alcoholic but I couldn't stand to be around alcohol early on, not for a minute. I hope you'll begin to fill your life doing things that bring you joy.
Anna
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 14
Yeah...I couldn't have had a bottle of anything around when I was first getting clean. I still get kind of nervous...
I don't know if you have a sponsor or someone you trust in the program - with some clean time. You could ask them to hold the pills for you until you really need one. If it's to keep you clean, they'll probably help you out. I had to do that with my sponsor in my first year when I got painkillers for a surgery. Turns out, I didn't need 'em. I just managed to stick to aspirin.
I don't know if you have a sponsor or someone you trust in the program - with some clean time. You could ask them to hold the pills for you until you really need one. If it's to keep you clean, they'll probably help you out. I had to do that with my sponsor in my first year when I got painkillers for a surgery. Turns out, I didn't need 'em. I just managed to stick to aspirin.
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