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so tired ....

Old 01-15-2005, 09:46 PM
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so tired ....

my last day of taking a hydrocodone as last sat. at 10 p.m. i have been going to meeting but today i am at work (third shift). i love the meetings and bought the books. my problem is i know i am not going to use with the grace of God but i feel horrible. i start school tuesday and i am so scared. scared of my triggers. i owe my dealer money still and i have it but dont dare go to her house, aint that strong yet. i come clean to my dr. and he put me on quinine sulfate and carbamaze. i go to the meetings and i do share but am scared sometimes to speak up. how long before i feel normal? i have lived in the bath tub for a week at night because of legs hurting. sometims i thing just that one pill would take away my misery but then the cycle would start all over again....broke, lose partner, lose everything......any advice.....i am sitting here at work and this old man has a bottle of vicodin in the drawer and told us we were welcome to it if we needed it.......I DON"T NEED IT.....but i feel so sick. help????
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:07 PM
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Don't do it. You've come this far don't blow it now. You know the drill. One pill will turn into another, then another. Before you know it, the old man will be asking where his bottle of vicodan in the drawer went? One minute at a time. It's worth feeling the sickness to get clean. It's tough, but you can do it. I threw up for five days straight once getting off of alcohol. The crazy thing was, after going through all that, I turned around and picked up again. History kept repeating itself and for what? Don't make the same mistake I did. Thank God I found the strength to not pick up the next go around and have held on to sobriety. You make the choice. Make the right one. I must say, the old man offering his bottle of vicodan to anyone who needs it, sounds weird to me. Who does that? I find it kinda odd.
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:12 PM
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he just had bladder surgery and is 78 years old. i have manipulated him in the past so now he said i have plenty help yourself when you feel bad.....he doesn'tknow i am a addict and that is my drug of choice. thank you for inspiriing words. i went and got a candy bar and a coke and am getting my mind off of it. how long do you thing this ickiniss will last. i verily manage without the drug... i have no energy. my husbandy died of alcholism. he relasped one to many times and he died. and then my sister died and well here i am now thinking i found the magic pill to make me happy. boy was i wrong. thanks for your response. feeeling very alone now.....
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:27 PM
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Enjoy your coke and candy bar. I hope it makes you feel better. You got the right idea, keep preoccupied and do whatever it takes to keep you mind off of the pills. Don't listen to your inner voice trying to tell you "one will be all right". Don't listen to it saying "one pill won't hurt", because in the long run it will hurt you. As far as how long will it take to feel better? That's hard to say. I don't have much experience with pain killers. Booze was my drug of choice. Just remember that each day you wake up sober is getting you closer and closer to feeling better. It takes time and perseverence to get where you want to be. May you find the strength to get through this. What kinda of candy bar did you get anyway? I'm going to guess a Butterfinger?

By the way...to get into the chat room, click on chat room then click on register and use your same username and password. That should do the trick. Take care...
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:41 PM
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You're not alone!

Grab hold .............
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:43 PM
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it is a 3 muskateers bar but i do prefer butterfinger....i turned the music up, i am on the only one here, and try to act happy and dance a little. i am on camera they probobly think i am nuts.... i am going to try to get on the chat room. i work for school system and certain things are blocked. i am surprised i got on this site. but very grateful. your right every minuet i am on my way to feeling normal... whatever normal is....thanks
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:44 PM
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it is a 3 muskateers bar but i do prefer butterfinger....i turned the music up, i am on the only one here, and try to act happy and dance a little. i am on camera they probobly think i am nuts.... i am going to try to get on the chat room. i work for school system and certain things are blocked. i am surprised i got on this site. but very grateful. your right every minuet i am on my way to feeling normal... whatever normal is....thanks
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:49 PM
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Crank the music up just a little louder. I'll join you in acting crazy and dancing. Don't forget to smile for the camera. This is going to be fun. Are you up for the twist?


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Old 01-15-2005, 10:59 PM
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Shake it baby shake it! I am off to bed for now. Good to see a whole lot of dancing going on.


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Old 01-15-2005, 11:05 PM
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that made me smile. thanks. i love music. and i have my own unique dance moves. you all are wonderful. its a little after 2 so far so good. i get off at 7. yeahhh boogie down
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Old 01-15-2005, 11:12 PM
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Old 01-15-2005, 11:24 PM
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feeling better

have a good night, its 2:25 and alls wll. yeah
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Old 01-15-2005, 11:41 PM
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When you get tired of dancing, go check out the recovery follies thread and take a few of CAPTAINZING200 tests. They're kinda fun and I must confess, they have pretty much described me to a tee. If nothing else, they'll help occupy your time. I have a feeling you'll get through the rest of the day just find. Good luck and I look forward to hearing how things went. Keep us posted. I'm off to bed. Have a great 24...
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