TechGuy

Hey all,
Some of you may remember me going off the deep end last year. Well... I finally pulled the trigger and went into detox on Tuesday of this week. I just got home this afternoon. While it feels great to actually be sober for the first time in five years, I'm pretty nervous too.

I found out that I have some really supportive friends who came through for me by helping me get into treatment, and threatening to kick my rump if I don't make an honest effort this time.

I'm heading to an AA meeting in a little bit. Before I head out though, I wanted to take a moment to stop by and say hi. I also wanted to at least offer up an apology for some nutty posts I made months ago. It was a year ago that I first found this web site, and can honestly say this place is what got me thinking I needed some help.

I know I have a long way to go, and I know it won't be easy, but I also know I don't want to go back. I'm finally willing to go to any length to stay sober and learn how to live without my crutch. It's true that you find your bottom when you finally decide to stop digging.

Randy

Dan

I remember you Randy.
I'm glad to see you again.
Have a good meeting man.

Chy

Way to go, and I'm very glad to see you back!...and you know what? I had a feeling you'd make it back!

Kit

Welcome back Randy, talk to you soon!
Love, Kit

TechGuy

Thanks for your kind words. Went to a good meeting tonight. It's interesting how your perception of a meeting is in direct correlation to your attitude towards getting sober! Anyway, I've got meetings lined up for most of the day tomorrow to make sure I have something to do.

It's been a really tough year. The harder I fought for control, the more I lost it. Most importantly now though, I'm committed to staying sober in my head, and my heart. Of course it still scares me, but making it through detox helped me get it through my thick head that I can live without drinking, and I'm finally feeling some peace with that.

Thanks again for your thoughts, and I look forward to seeing everyone around the boards.

1_day@_a_time

I remember you too! Very, very cool your are back, AND SOBER!

ROCK ON! Hope you stick around..........

T

KelKel

Randy....
Totally awesome... It is stories like yours that reinforce my faith and knowledge that this place (SR) is truly a godsend to so many people, myself included.
Congratulations on getting sober and for getting involved with your recovery.
I have found AA to be a super asset in my recovery from booze.
Big Hugs and looking forward to having you around.

TechGuy

You guys rock too!!!

7 days sober today.

I'm still hanging in there. I got a sponsor in AA last night. He and I hit it off really well. Cravings have been bad today. I mentioned to someone else that it's amazing how those liquor stores just jump out at you when you drive past them.

I've got to say that one of my biggest fears right now is forgetting how bad it was and starting to think I'm ok; deluding myself that I can drink again. I'd be interested to know how anyone else has dealt with that.

Thanks again for the words of encouragement and the nice welcome back to the site. It's good to be here again.

susan_17

Tech Guy, your great! Congrats on 7 days, what a beginning! I wish you the best... Lots of Love, Susan

Dan

I didn't deal with that for many years. I'd inevitably talk myself into expecting I could indulge and expect different results. Even after horrific benders, and week long withdrawals of the nastiest kinds, I'd go back for more punishment eventually.
So I'm guessing the difference today is my mindset, what I think of myself as a person, and what I think and believe I deserve. Is it that I finally got tired enough of the taste of my own vomit, or the days when I simply didn't bother going to the bathroom when I had to go? Or is it that I stayed sober enough the last time to meet the right people, and hear the right things, that convinced me to get help?
Combination of both I guess.
Maybe the bottom line for me is that I honestly accept that I can't drink safely again. Once I got that processed in my drug addled brain, it was the real start of recovery for me.
Cravings come and go now, and I accept them for what they are.

Cathy31

Hi TechGuy
Great to hear your story! Well done on getting into rehab and getting into meetings..really glad you got a sponsor too that you could connect with.

I know what you mean about the cravings...all I can suggest is LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN - that's one of the reasons for those meetings...listen to where alcohol took these good people..it is just waiting for any of us if we pick up the first one...I think also once you start the 12 steps (I am still in process of getting a sponsor, very very few women around here) you will feel more whole..I know that's how I feel that it's reallyu going to accelerate and enhance my recovery from more than just not drinking...already just reading the big book has helped a bitin that respect.

GOod luck, well done and keep on posting!
CAthy31
x

Roxann

Hi Randy,
This is my first day out of rehab and my first day here. I heard one of our speakers tell us in an NA meeting yesterday at rehab that "There is no healing without hurting" To me that was very profound.

I wish you luck, will, and success in your sobriety journey!

Gr8ful1

Right ON RANDY!!!

One day at a time is all we need. Keep after it.

retribution

Well done Randy, I wish you all the success you deserve.

hopealwayz

When you get cravings, play the tape all the way through to the end. Think of how horrible you would feel if you took the first one. That is what I have to do sometimes. I always remember that the urges will pass and if I don't pick up, I will feel much better.

Have a great meeting Randy!

Hope

TechGuy

Well... I've managed another day. Went to a really good meeting tonight. It was like everyone that spoke had some bit to say that I could relate to. I'm quickly seeing how staying in meetings helps keep those bad memories fresh, and remind me how I don't want to start drinking again.

I had a weird emotion today that they talked about in rehab. They spoke of actually grieving for the loss of your habit. Until today, I hadn't really experienced that. I was driving around running some errands while on the radio was a replay of a live concert held at some local bar, the type of thing I used to love going to. As I listened to the crowd between songs, I suddenly had this longing to be able to go out, have a few beers at a bar and listen to some live music. I actually got quite depressed over it.

When I got to my meeting tonight, I talked to my sponsor about it. I told him about how some of my favorite memories are from when I was drinking, along with some of my worst. He made a profound statement. Well, maybe not exactly profound, but more like a "duh, why didn't I think of that" kind of comment. He reminded me that since I spent most of my free time drinking, that doesn't leave many options for memories. Doh! It is harder than I thought to give up my old best friend, the bottle.

BUT... I'm commited to this sobriety thing. So onward I go.

2dayzmuse

Onward and upward Randy. Welcome back.

Dan

A part of me will probably grieve alcohol for the rest of my life.
And I've come to the conclusion, I think, that it's because there were some good times. It wasn't always bad, the relationship I had with alcohol. But it was doomed from the start, because I get addicted to things.
I miss the good times. But I nurture a healthy fear of where I ended up. Like you said, there's nothing like listening to stories from others like me to keep it fresh.

BubbaBob

I'm Bob, and, like you, an alcoholic.

I'm gonna make a wild a$$ed guess here and assume your stint in detox was at Cottage C, since that's where most of you Tekkies wind up...LOL.

If so, that makes two of us Ridgeview Alumni here...I spent 8 days in Cottage C detox, then 36 days in the IOP/Halfway House program there, and I found that in the first couple of months after getting out one thing that really helped was going back to Cottage C to chair meetings at least once a week. Looking down those stairs from the meeting room reminded me of EXACTLY where I would wind up returning to if I screwed up. Regardless of whether you went through the whole program at Ridgeview or just detox, you are considered an alumnus and an alumnus with 30 days of sobriety can chair meetings in cottage C.

You can also participate in the aftercare program and alumni association on Wednesday evenings. Those things help me tremendously.

Keep it up guy...one day at a time using the tools you learned.

BubbaBob
Go Tech!