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What do I do? Bf ditched me for rehab, Both addicts.

Old 02-27-2024, 03:28 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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I'm an intense person. And thanks for the advice. I'm certainly going to do all of those things immediately.
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Old 02-28-2024, 10:44 AM
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This all has to be beyond hard.

Sadly as you have both been using, neither of you are probably in a good place to be in a relationship. By both focusing on yourself, healing and learning to stay on "your own side of the street" you will get to a point where you are ready for a relationship; however you don't know what each other is like without the substances so you may not be good for each other.

Please keep taking that next right step to do your own healing and growing and let us know how you get on.

Courage to you fine person.
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Old 02-28-2024, 02:21 PM
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Hi saddict. When you mentioned this:

One buddy told me that he probably is just in love with the idea of me
That's actually what I was thinking as well. Some people are like that, so he probably can't take a real interest in you, your problems, your wants and needs, he needs you to stick to his idea/ideal of his. Not great in a relationship, but it is how it is possibly.

People say you sound different, say he has changed. Being high and being sober are quite different (I know you know this already) and no, you might not notice the change in personality as much as someone on the outside does, but neither of you really know each other sober and working on recovery.

For friends and family it is often advised that you take a year (at least) away from the person trying to get in to recovery. It gives you both space to see where you land. No contact is rather crucial for that too, so you can clear your mind.

Doesn't mean that anyone doesn't love anyone, or doesn't care, just means that you can let the person go and get on with their healing and yours.



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Old 02-29-2024, 03:39 PM
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I don't know how to reply to both of you. Trailmix and bekindalways....I completely agree. I told him a month or so ago, that I don't think I'm the same person and I don't think he's going to be the same either, as it already seemed to be happening.
I agree that this is way harder than it needs to be and its incredibly obvious what has to happen.

Oh, and trailmix, I like your input, I wasn't crazy about the person who said it first.
Is there any right way to even begin to put that in motion? I can't even imagine bringing it up.
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Old 02-29-2024, 11:30 PM
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Brining up that he's emotionally unavailable or bringing up separating for a year with no contact?

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Old 02-29-2024, 11:52 PM
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Originally Posted by trailmix View Post
Brining up that he's emotionally unavailable or bringing up separating for a year with no contact?
both?
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Old 03-02-2024, 02:37 PM
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Personally? I don't think I would bring up his emotional state. He has a lot to deal with. This will all come out in his recovery, if he even chooses recovery, those are his issues to deal with. I mean if you feel you must tell him, you could say "to me you appear to be emotionally unavailable". Which is true, he is, to you. Anything else is just a guess.

As for no contact, that could be a boundary for you.

I will not speak to X for one year and at that point he can contact me or I will contact him to see how we are doing.

That doesn't require him to actually "do" anything, which is the beauty of a boundary (vs a rule).

I would explain that you both need time to heal and get on a better path and come up with a plan to stay sober and on firm footing in that sobriety. Then if you want to talk and meet up, that's great. Just tell him the truth (in as few words as possible). This isn't a conversation per se, it is you telling him what you need/need to do, with kindness (and that does not need a response).

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