Ugh, holidays are rough.(major rant post)
Mostly Sunny Skies
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Mountain Top, WV
Posts: 62
Mill,
Tomorrow, being Christmas Eve, and the next day, Christmas Day, are two really good days to get started with some very genuine caring and giving people who can easily become lifelong trusted friends -- the best friends you will ever have.
Tomorrow morning, wander down to the Salvation Army, to a homeless shelter in your area, or to a church or temple that serves the indigent. Tell them you want to help. They won't care if you are hung over, but you can't be stoned or drunk. Work there tomorrow night for a couple of hours helping get the people in, or help getting food baskets sorted, or help fold blankets and sort through winter clothing. Help serve food and do cleanup on Christmas Day. The food donated and prepared in the big kitchens will be a lot better than any bacon wrapped stuffed turkey whatever that you might eat all by yourself -- and you'll get a chance to sit down and sample the pretty good food with some really interesting people.
You will meet the most genuine people you've ever met before. You will never find more wonderful people than the people working in these environments. Many will have come from a hole a lot deeper than you have ever imagined. Some will still be in that deep dark hole. Nobody will judge you, but they will befriend you in good times and bad. They will become friends like you've never had before.
There will be stinking gutter drunks to PhDs -- some will be stinking gutter drunk PhDs. Some will have lost everything. Some will be extremely wealthy, but they feel the need to contribute. They will ask no questions, but, just like the people here, they will be there to help if you show the least desire for help.
Those you serve may become your friends too, in one way or another.
However you look at it, there is no way to lose. It is a good way to see if you want to crawl out of your hole. If you do, these places are filled with good people who have been where you are at, and they know how to get out. They don't walk on water, but they know where the rocks are.
To others who may be reading this, it is another tough winter of bad weather and lots of unemployment. Individuals and families are desperate, many of the children are suffering because of their parent's alcohol and drug problems. Don't let them go hungry and cold. Please empty your pockets of extra change as you walk by the red kettles tomorrow. Dig through your closets -- donate any old winter coats or blankets you haven't used in the past couple of years. Nearly every church and temple has a program. If you are a hunter, please contact Hunters for the Hungry, or other similar groups that provide venison to the needy (in most places, the deer just need to be field dressed, and one deer can help make over 100 servings!) Find a church or community service group that needs donations for food baskets. If you know someone in need, find help by asking for help for them. It is available.
Happy clean and sober Christmas to all,
Toivo
Tomorrow, being Christmas Eve, and the next day, Christmas Day, are two really good days to get started with some very genuine caring and giving people who can easily become lifelong trusted friends -- the best friends you will ever have.
Tomorrow morning, wander down to the Salvation Army, to a homeless shelter in your area, or to a church or temple that serves the indigent. Tell them you want to help. They won't care if you are hung over, but you can't be stoned or drunk. Work there tomorrow night for a couple of hours helping get the people in, or help getting food baskets sorted, or help fold blankets and sort through winter clothing. Help serve food and do cleanup on Christmas Day. The food donated and prepared in the big kitchens will be a lot better than any bacon wrapped stuffed turkey whatever that you might eat all by yourself -- and you'll get a chance to sit down and sample the pretty good food with some really interesting people.
You will meet the most genuine people you've ever met before. You will never find more wonderful people than the people working in these environments. Many will have come from a hole a lot deeper than you have ever imagined. Some will still be in that deep dark hole. Nobody will judge you, but they will befriend you in good times and bad. They will become friends like you've never had before.
There will be stinking gutter drunks to PhDs -- some will be stinking gutter drunk PhDs. Some will have lost everything. Some will be extremely wealthy, but they feel the need to contribute. They will ask no questions, but, just like the people here, they will be there to help if you show the least desire for help.
Those you serve may become your friends too, in one way or another.
However you look at it, there is no way to lose. It is a good way to see if you want to crawl out of your hole. If you do, these places are filled with good people who have been where you are at, and they know how to get out. They don't walk on water, but they know where the rocks are.
To others who may be reading this, it is another tough winter of bad weather and lots of unemployment. Individuals and families are desperate, many of the children are suffering because of their parent's alcohol and drug problems. Don't let them go hungry and cold. Please empty your pockets of extra change as you walk by the red kettles tomorrow. Dig through your closets -- donate any old winter coats or blankets you haven't used in the past couple of years. Nearly every church and temple has a program. If you are a hunter, please contact Hunters for the Hungry, or other similar groups that provide venison to the needy (in most places, the deer just need to be field dressed, and one deer can help make over 100 servings!) Find a church or community service group that needs donations for food baskets. If you know someone in need, find help by asking for help for them. It is available.
Happy clean and sober Christmas to all,
Toivo
Grateful recovering alcoholic
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Blissfield, MI
Posts: 814
Mill,
I hear and have felt your pain and misery. Let me ask you a question, who do you think you are to being judging other people, lest yourself? Speaking for myself, you say when you are nice and kind people take advantage of you (kinda like a doormat, right?) and so you are choosing to be angry and treat people unkindly so they will like you - going from one extreme to the other, hmmm. I don't believe I have ever read any of your posts, quite frankly I really don't care if I **** you off, I'm not here for a popularity contest. You want your life to magically get better, have you even given it a chance? What attempts have you made at getting/staying sober? How long have you made it sober? Are you sober? Have you gone to AA? There's a million questions I can ask, I can only interpret and understand from what you have written. You do sound extremely angry, volatile. I can understand and relate to that, that's definitely a character defect of mine I struggle with a lot, but over the years, it has gotten a lot better. You want a sobriety wand to hit you over the head and make your life better? Get off your butt, get to A LOT of AA meetings (at least 1 a day), get a sponsor, get a home group, get lots of phone numbers, go out for coffee after the meeting, call your sponsor, call the people on your list of phone numbers, get a Big Book, open it up and READ it (I guarantee if you are an alcoholic (or an addict) you will find yourself in those pages), get your butt busy doing something. Find something simple to be grateful for, even if it is just getting out of bed (I've been there). Sobriety and AA never promised you'd have a bunch of chicks smothering you in bikinis, it does tell me that I will be able to live a better life. It does tell me that I will be able to emotionally, physically, and spiritually enjoy my life.
You said your "therapist was saying a bunch of bs". How would you know, I mean I wasn't there, but honestly were you even listening to her? Sounds like you were so busy retaliating and being angry and confronting her that you probably missed the entire point of what she was trying to say to you. Would you want people treating you the way you are treating them? I would not allow anyone to treat me the way you are treating yourself (and by the sounds of it others).
Bottom line, you want your life better, get off your butt and do something about it!! Nothing will change while you're sitting around on your butt, drinking, cussing everyone out, and planning the end of your life.
Whether you want me to or not, Mill, I will pray for you. My Higher Power, God, loves everyone, He created all of us, He didn't make any junk, and brother you aren't junk. My sponsor tells me to "find my good". By golly, by doing that, I have lost a lot of anger and resentment and rage. I have found gratitude for the gifts I do have and have lost that pessimistic self-destructive, self-sabatoge self. Thank you God. And I'll tell you this too, I worked my a$$ off for it! You can have it, if you want it, but instead of *itching about it, get off your a$$ and do something about it.
Love and prayers,
Jen
I hear and have felt your pain and misery. Let me ask you a question, who do you think you are to being judging other people, lest yourself? Speaking for myself, you say when you are nice and kind people take advantage of you (kinda like a doormat, right?) and so you are choosing to be angry and treat people unkindly so they will like you - going from one extreme to the other, hmmm. I don't believe I have ever read any of your posts, quite frankly I really don't care if I **** you off, I'm not here for a popularity contest. You want your life to magically get better, have you even given it a chance? What attempts have you made at getting/staying sober? How long have you made it sober? Are you sober? Have you gone to AA? There's a million questions I can ask, I can only interpret and understand from what you have written. You do sound extremely angry, volatile. I can understand and relate to that, that's definitely a character defect of mine I struggle with a lot, but over the years, it has gotten a lot better. You want a sobriety wand to hit you over the head and make your life better? Get off your butt, get to A LOT of AA meetings (at least 1 a day), get a sponsor, get a home group, get lots of phone numbers, go out for coffee after the meeting, call your sponsor, call the people on your list of phone numbers, get a Big Book, open it up and READ it (I guarantee if you are an alcoholic (or an addict) you will find yourself in those pages), get your butt busy doing something. Find something simple to be grateful for, even if it is just getting out of bed (I've been there). Sobriety and AA never promised you'd have a bunch of chicks smothering you in bikinis, it does tell me that I will be able to live a better life. It does tell me that I will be able to emotionally, physically, and spiritually enjoy my life.
You said your "therapist was saying a bunch of bs". How would you know, I mean I wasn't there, but honestly were you even listening to her? Sounds like you were so busy retaliating and being angry and confronting her that you probably missed the entire point of what she was trying to say to you. Would you want people treating you the way you are treating them? I would not allow anyone to treat me the way you are treating yourself (and by the sounds of it others).
Bottom line, you want your life better, get off your butt and do something about it!! Nothing will change while you're sitting around on your butt, drinking, cussing everyone out, and planning the end of your life.
Whether you want me to or not, Mill, I will pray for you. My Higher Power, God, loves everyone, He created all of us, He didn't make any junk, and brother you aren't junk. My sponsor tells me to "find my good". By golly, by doing that, I have lost a lot of anger and resentment and rage. I have found gratitude for the gifts I do have and have lost that pessimistic self-destructive, self-sabatoge self. Thank you God. And I'll tell you this too, I worked my a$$ off for it! You can have it, if you want it, but instead of *itching about it, get off your a$$ and do something about it.
Love and prayers,
Jen
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Anytown, USA
Posts: 1,019
*This is a work in progress....because I am going back and reading what people wrote*
Mill,
I feel the rage and anger in your posts and I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I really think that beyond your anger and your hurt is someone who is lost in a world that doesn't understand. You described what seems to be two contrasting sides of yourself, but in reality I think they are one in the same....though each side is brought out differently. You can be that nice quiet guy, but you can also be the loud imbiding angry fellow too. I cannot say which you identify with, but I think you are still trying to find yourself, as it relates to the world. Some of the pain is probably from the rejection of the world....why can't they accept you for who you are? You tried to change to fit what they want, but again they rejected you.
It is hard to try and appease the world when you don't know who you are. Alcohol may seem like a positive influence, but really it is shutting down part of you and letting the angry side out. Your view right now is skewed because your perception is veiled with anger about WHO you are, and HOW you feel.
You are correct in regard to the need for human contact, the need for understand, the need for love...but these things are all still available, you just need to be willing to see them and work for them. You are hurting and these things just remind you of the hurt, so you push them away, or sometimes people left before you could push them away. The good news is that you CAN get them back. Please believe me when I say you are never truly alone, but sometimes believing you are alone is easier than dealing with what is bother you, the part of you that hurts so much that nothingness is better than something.
I don't have any advice that will let you 'see the light' or 'cure' you, but I do think that you are your own best friend and worst enemy. Right now the anger that is coming out isn't all bad. I think part of you WANTS to be accepted, and you WANT to be understood, but that also brings in the opportunity for more pain and more hurt.
Right now you believe that people don't accept your or understand you. and that everyone is judging you. Your therapist isn't there to judge, she is there to help you. You also need to stop judging yourself. You are projecting this anger and rejection, but you rejected yourself before the world got a chance to reject you. It felt easier that way, because you cut yourself off and said, "That isn't me" and "they don't know me" because it was easier than accepting that they don't WANT you, and that you don't know YOU.
I think it is very important that you take some time to really look at yourself, and work with your therapist to stop judging yourself, and to start loving yourself. I know there is a good person trying to get out, but you need to cut through the layers of anger, misconceptions, and negativity that have been thrown up to protect your battered feelings and your beaten down Self. You need to accept yourself for your strengths, and for your flaws. Sometimes the flaws are what make people strive to be better people.
You can take what you want from this. You can say I am full of BS and that I dont' know you, but at the end of the day, you will have to look yourself in the mirror and you will do one of two things: Love yourself, or hate yourself...and that decision is yours alone.
Best of luck.
-pedagogue
Mill,
I feel the rage and anger in your posts and I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I really think that beyond your anger and your hurt is someone who is lost in a world that doesn't understand. You described what seems to be two contrasting sides of yourself, but in reality I think they are one in the same....though each side is brought out differently. You can be that nice quiet guy, but you can also be the loud imbiding angry fellow too. I cannot say which you identify with, but I think you are still trying to find yourself, as it relates to the world. Some of the pain is probably from the rejection of the world....why can't they accept you for who you are? You tried to change to fit what they want, but again they rejected you.
It is hard to try and appease the world when you don't know who you are. Alcohol may seem like a positive influence, but really it is shutting down part of you and letting the angry side out. Your view right now is skewed because your perception is veiled with anger about WHO you are, and HOW you feel.
The one thing I have learned in life, is that as bad as the addiction to alcohol can be, your body has a much more pressing addiction, the need to belong, the need for human contact, the need to be loved, when you take that all away, the withdrawl symptoms truly become serious, drinking is one of them, and others can lead to death. No one can live truly alone.
I don't have any advice that will let you 'see the light' or 'cure' you, but I do think that you are your own best friend and worst enemy. Right now the anger that is coming out isn't all bad. I think part of you WANTS to be accepted, and you WANT to be understood, but that also brings in the opportunity for more pain and more hurt.
Right now you believe that people don't accept your or understand you. and that everyone is judging you. Your therapist isn't there to judge, she is there to help you. You also need to stop judging yourself. You are projecting this anger and rejection, but you rejected yourself before the world got a chance to reject you. It felt easier that way, because you cut yourself off and said, "That isn't me" and "they don't know me" because it was easier than accepting that they don't WANT you, and that you don't know YOU.
I think it is very important that you take some time to really look at yourself, and work with your therapist to stop judging yourself, and to start loving yourself. I know there is a good person trying to get out, but you need to cut through the layers of anger, misconceptions, and negativity that have been thrown up to protect your battered feelings and your beaten down Self. You need to accept yourself for your strengths, and for your flaws. Sometimes the flaws are what make people strive to be better people.
You can take what you want from this. You can say I am full of BS and that I dont' know you, but at the end of the day, you will have to look yourself in the mirror and you will do one of two things: Love yourself, or hate yourself...and that decision is yours alone.
Best of luck.
-pedagogue
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
