saoutchik

Great to "see" you Vinny, happy 25th Wedding anniversary

Well done on the 7K calmself. I went to watch the Hackney half marathon* myself this morning. No sunshine in London but got weather for running in. Btw, I remember Shutter Island as being baffling but enjoyable. It was a few years ago so my memory of it is fading.

* It featured lots of celebrities from a soap opera I don't watch so I didn't recognise most of them

MantaLady

Be grateful that you didn’t book a holiday in Spain and have been sat inside as it’s been torrential rain, wind and thunder. Should have stayed in the UK 😂

I am not the Manta I used to be, I have been in a constant state of anxiety, fear and panic, constantly crying and my mental health is pretty much in the gutter. It’s so bad I couldn’t even manage to re-arrange a flight home. I am so thin now, this area of Spain has changed since COViD, there are no places with cushions on the chairs they are all hard plastic and I am covered in bruises just from sitting down for a coffee. I can’t eat, my belly is hungry but everything inbetween will not let the food pass (including my mind). My chest feels like it’s had a sumo wrestler sitting on it for a few weeks. I thought the holiday would help. I was wrong.

I am really sad, I miss me, the old Manta, the only person I can rely on who hasn’t given up on me and takes care of me. I am not capable of doing that for myself at the moment.

I called McMillan from Spain and they wanted me to go to the mental health crisis team at the Spanish hospital but I am not risking being sectioned in a foreign country. Last night I bought a cognac and went off to sit by the sea and just stared at it, the smell made me feel sick and I left a £15 shot on the table and went back to my room. I was not wanting to drink but I came so close.

Really chuffed to see you all celebrating milestones, it’s great to hear and a great inspiration for me today which I needed.

Please don’t let this topic take over the thread. I just needed to say the above to someone to release the pressure if I can. I have 3 nights left so just trying to get through.

Just wanted to say a hello to Vman and Sao who I haven’t seen in ages!!

lots of love and hugs to anyone who needs one and take care xx

SoberLeigh

((((MantaLady))))

venuscat

Oh Manta, honey, so many hugs. xxxx

I am glad you are home now, and it sounds like your employer is totally on board here and want to help, so perhaps you can take them up on it? xx
Wishing you comfort and love. ❤️❤️

MantaLady

Thanks Venus but I am not home, I am shut in my hotel room in Spain in too much mental distress to leave it for long. Macmillan are an English cancer charity and it was their support line thatI called. I for one am grateful they exist. I was originally on webchat but the nurse was so concerned she called me as soon as I shut the chat and spent an hour supporting me. I don’t know where I would be if they hadn’t done so.

Thanks for the hug SoberLeigh 🙏💕🙏

love and hugs
Manta

venuscat

Oh, I am sorry that I misunderstood. How long is it until you are due to go home? s

MantaLady

I have 3 nights, 2 actual days as the flight home is early Wednesday morning. I am so scared of having a meltdown in the airport as I barely got here without completely falling apart. All I can think about is looking forward to seeing my furbabies (the cats)

MantaLady

I miss the thanks button very much!! It was a way to show someone you were supporting them if you weren’t sure what to say.

Purplrks3647

Sorry you’re having such a rough time Manta, but thanks for checking in….we’re glad to see you!

More hugs

venuscat

One thing I have done in the past was to call a taxi and tell them that I needed the driver to help me with my luggage, and they were able to do that. And you can ask for help from the flight attendants before you land; they can organise all sorts of assistance if you are not well.

MantaLady

I am fine when I land, it’s getting through the Spanish airport that I panic about. I speak no Spanish, can’t read the signs, blah blah and all that jazz. If I was the old manta I would be sorting all this no problem if it was just cancer. My mental health has put up a huge paywall between me and actually taking taking action and my emotional and resilience bank account is in the red so can’t pay the fee to get through the paywall. I can only tell the airline I need help because of the cancer, if I mention mental health also they can refuse to fly me without a psychiatrist signing off I am safe to fly.

xx

venuscat

OK, how about booking a taxi driver there who speaks English, and will take you into the airport? I am sure they will do that. s

And from my experience, if you do tell the airline staff that you are a cancer patient, they will be more than happy to give you extra assistance. Let us advocate for you right now, love. I know you would be doing this for yourself if you felt better. s xxx

CBS62

(((Manta))) I am so sorry you are struggling. It was brave of you to go on holiday on your own. But just know we are all here for you. Keep reaching out to us. Sending you loving thoughts and vibes. It is great you did not drink!

saoutchik

Good to "see" you Manta, we haven't given up on you either so don't give up on yourself and trust me - you are not not going to be Sectioned in Spain or anywhere else. I understand your reluctance to see mental health services abroad and without notice. Just think of it as a last resort. Tomorrow you can buy a cushion or two if you need to. All the best Manta or should I say Los mejores deseos.

CaptainHaddock

Hi Manta, it‘s good to see you and sorry that you are going through such a turbulent time. As Sao said, don‘t give up on yourself and I hope you can enjoy your last two days in Spain.

Congratulations on your wedding aniversay Vinny and thanks for checking in.

Mags1

Good Morning Weekenders

MantaLady, great to see you. Sorry things haven’t worked out on holiday. As Saou says, don’t give up on yourself, we haven’t given up on you. Take care xx I’ve been in Spain when there’s been torrential rain too. Couldn’t believe it.
Have you seen Purps new thread? You may find it interesting. Here’s the link.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...s-retreat.html

Cold start here but I think the sun is trying to get through the clouds.

The best thing for me about being sober nowadays is waking up hangover free. Mornings being my favourite time of day, it’s great to just enjoy the moments without feeling the effects of booze.

Have a good day xxxx

theVman31

Hello back to you all and especially Manta, Im hope you get to chill out a little for the end of the holiday. Dont sweat the airport... i know i say that but i always get anxious in airports too. Get there early...

RunnerF

Pledging for today. Day 232.

MantaLady

Morning All. I managed to get the airline after 3 days and have booked assisted travel at the Spanish airport. I emailed the place I am staying tomorrow night and she has booked me a taxi for the airport on Weds. The sumo wrestler on my chest has not gone but I have stopped blubbing like a baby every 2 seconds, for now anyhow.

I am astounded that I have not caved into drinking, so wierd that I can’t cope enough to have a shower or book a taxi for myself but I can fight this overwhelming craving. Maybe that’s why I am feeling this way, it’s taking everything I have not to drink and it’s all the energy I actually have.

48 hours and I am on that plane! Hanging in in and thanks for the support everyone.

love and hugs to anyone that needs one
Manta

Canadian Koala

Bon voyage MantaLady!