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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 7
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Tried to hop off my sobriety wagon and failed miserably. I was ok for 1 day, but the following day was a disaster. Hair of the dog. Really after a two beer night. I completely blacked out over I think idk four beers. No tolerance. Today my head,y liver my soul hurts. I've been self medicating an autoimmune condition for years and anything and everything. Nothing new here. Drink for celebration Drink for sorrow. Drink to drink. So many times I'd have a six pack and more sit in the fridge for months. Can't trust myself now. Killing myself rapidly. I have no tolerance whatsoever anymore when I have an immune flair. I've trained myself to knock myself out with benadryl and beer. I got horribly ill over Thanksgiving and quit. . . .The New Year rolls around and I think what the heck, why not. Here's the thing is that I knew better. I knew I wasn't feeling well. Should have stayed put but took a supposed friends invitation, and frankly don't remember much of the evening. I know I got home in one piece. Not taken advantage of. I was apparently very beligerent. Then again, he has been known to take advantage of situations as well, so It is hard to see what might of transpired.Needless to say. After this, I felt like moving out of my apartment complex. I don't go out often. He is really one of my only friends here. But it is my understanding he would rather be friends with benefits. That I m not interested in. So thank God nothing happened. Today I'm just pumping sprite, tea, maybe bone broth, and I guess,looking for words of encouragement. I've been on this merry go round for such a long time and I just need to close the door for good. Gosh, I quit smoking, don't know why this is so hard. . . .thanks in advance. . .I need help and Nothing I have tried has really worked before. I'm open to any and all suggestions.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome back Syd.
I moved your post to its own thread for more replies and support.
I was feeling pretty similar when I found SR - scared of change but even more scared of not changing.
Support made all the difference for me - and I hope it will for you too.
Post and read as much as you need too - there are no stupid questions
You might like to check out of Class of May Support Thread too - its full of folks quitting this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-1-a-9.html
D
I moved your post to its own thread for more replies and support.
I was feeling pretty similar when I found SR - scared of change but even more scared of not changing.
Support made all the difference for me - and I hope it will for you too.
Post and read as much as you need too - there are no stupid questions
You might like to check out of Class of May Support Thread too - its full of folks quitting this month
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-1-a-9.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Welcome back. I'm sorry you're struggling, but most of us have been there. I also got to a point of very low tolerance - 2 or 3 beers and my sleep would be ruined and I would get the 3am wake-up with anxiety and shame. It got to the point where that few minutes of pleasure from the first beer just wasn't worth all the suffering.
When we get to this point we know what we have to do. Just stop and don't ever drink again. It helps to have support through the first few months, so join the May class and be done with it once and for all.
You can do this!
When we get to this point we know what we have to do. Just stop and don't ever drink again. It helps to have support through the first few months, so join the May class and be done with it once and for all.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,406
I fell off so many times, the only thing that worked for me is being here. It seems so obvious now. The support here is constant and expert-level, almost instant. Every time I left, I lost my sobriety.
Come here as much as you need, post and read. I’m glad you were not hurt this time, it does sound like your situation becomes unsafe and you have little protection when drinking (like all of us.) Put yourself first and take the option of drinking off the table. Good work coming here and posting!
Come here as much as you need, post and read. I’m glad you were not hurt this time, it does sound like your situation becomes unsafe and you have little protection when drinking (like all of us.) Put yourself first and take the option of drinking off the table. Good work coming here and posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Nothing worked for me. I was constantly relapsing for more than 20 years. It took me having a seizure in my front yard and my neighbor helping me get to the hospital where I was in ICU for almost 2 weeks and rehab for the next 3-4 months. I came as close to dying from this illness as someone can get. I have no more second chances.
My doctors have told me in no uncertain terms that my body will not survive another relapse. So that last time, I finally believed them.
That was 7 years ago.
I'm glad I finally listened.
This all boils down to wanting to live a sober life more than wanting to **** away your life in booze and excuses. You just have to keep showing up until your mind and body can start to heal. This isn't easy, but it's totally worth it.
There are some terrible days in early sobriety. It's messy and scary and mind numbingly frustrating at times...but if you just hang in there, you can find happiness again. I love this life. An I was one of those people who hated my existence. I was full of rage and hate. Shame and guilt. I've never felt any real peace until I was really done. After that, it's just about showing up for life.
Base every decision on one simple question for the foreseeable future.
"Is this good for my sobriety or bad for my sobriety?" If you do that, you've got as good a chance as anyone else.
You just can't give up.
My doctors have told me in no uncertain terms that my body will not survive another relapse. So that last time, I finally believed them.
That was 7 years ago.
I'm glad I finally listened.
This all boils down to wanting to live a sober life more than wanting to **** away your life in booze and excuses. You just have to keep showing up until your mind and body can start to heal. This isn't easy, but it's totally worth it.
There are some terrible days in early sobriety. It's messy and scary and mind numbingly frustrating at times...but if you just hang in there, you can find happiness again. I love this life. An I was one of those people who hated my existence. I was full of rage and hate. Shame and guilt. I've never felt any real peace until I was really done. After that, it's just about showing up for life.
Base every decision on one simple question for the foreseeable future.
"Is this good for my sobriety or bad for my sobriety?" If you do that, you've got as good a chance as anyone else.
You just can't give up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Welcome and keep coming back. Stick to your recovery
support and lean on them for guidance and suggestions.
You are never alone when you are in the company of
folks living life in recovery. Continue to listen, learn,
absorb and apply tools and knowledge of recovery to
achieve continuous sobriety that will lead you to a
healthier, happier, honest person you can be building
a stronger recovery foundation to live upon moving
forward.
support and lean on them for guidance and suggestions.
You are never alone when you are in the company of
folks living life in recovery. Continue to listen, learn,
absorb and apply tools and knowledge of recovery to
achieve continuous sobriety that will lead you to a
healthier, happier, honest person you can be building
a stronger recovery foundation to live upon moving
forward.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 467
Welcome back
We can all relate to falling off the wagon and letting a relapse become a collapse.
I had a relapse in 2016 for 7 years!
7 years of dangerous drinking that could have been avoided if I hadn't taken that first drink.
Well done for getting back on here so soon - you know what to do.
It's so hard but so worth it x
We can all relate to falling off the wagon and letting a relapse become a collapse.
I had a relapse in 2016 for 7 years!
7 years of dangerous drinking that could have been avoided if I hadn't taken that first drink.
Well done for getting back on here so soon - you know what to do.
It's so hard but so worth it x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 525
I could not stay clean and sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic -- like me -- for whom AA is the only solution. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that. Or, better yet, make a commitment to attend 90 meetings in 90 days and see what happens.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,162
The liver is said to heal when you stop drinking, but obviously, something to do with your alcoholism remains the same. Maybe your liver got this way because you drank too much. But it's also possible that you drank too much because your liver never worked the way it "should." Makes no difference.
When you take a drink, your liver goes to work breaking the alcohol down into sugar and a toxin that makes you feel like you have the last few days. A drink fixes this momentarily, but also ends up adding more toxin in your body, and a vicious cycle begins. A normie liver breaks down the toxin right away, and they don't need a drink to get relief from the toxin.
When you drink, you suffer until you have another drink or until you allow the toxin to eventually leave your body and you start to feel well. Your liver begins to heal, but never fixes that odd quirk that prevents it from breaking down the toxin. So after 15 years of sobriety, you take a drink, and behold! Your liver still doesn't break down the toxin and it's back to the vicious cycle.
While in the cycle, you must drink or suffer, and when you quit, you suffer even more, until the toxin is gone. You drink because you need to. But after a long period of sobriety and you are feeling physically well, you drink not because you need it. Taking that first drink is completely the result of poor decision making, possibly based somewhat on lacking an understanding of how your body deals with alcohol. You can't drink and not suffer. It's not the card you were dealt by God or nature or whatever.
I hope you stop drinking for good. No one deserves to be under the thumb of a drug pusher or a legally approved of corporation that produces an addictive substance that wrecks people's lives and families. No one can stop these opportunists. They only thing you can do is choose not to be the victim.
When you take a drink, your liver goes to work breaking the alcohol down into sugar and a toxin that makes you feel like you have the last few days. A drink fixes this momentarily, but also ends up adding more toxin in your body, and a vicious cycle begins. A normie liver breaks down the toxin right away, and they don't need a drink to get relief from the toxin.
When you drink, you suffer until you have another drink or until you allow the toxin to eventually leave your body and you start to feel well. Your liver begins to heal, but never fixes that odd quirk that prevents it from breaking down the toxin. So after 15 years of sobriety, you take a drink, and behold! Your liver still doesn't break down the toxin and it's back to the vicious cycle.
While in the cycle, you must drink or suffer, and when you quit, you suffer even more, until the toxin is gone. You drink because you need to. But after a long period of sobriety and you are feeling physically well, you drink not because you need it. Taking that first drink is completely the result of poor decision making, possibly based somewhat on lacking an understanding of how your body deals with alcohol. You can't drink and not suffer. It's not the card you were dealt by God or nature or whatever.
I hope you stop drinking for good. No one deserves to be under the thumb of a drug pusher or a legally approved of corporation that produces an addictive substance that wrecks people's lives and families. No one can stop these opportunists. They only thing you can do is choose not to be the victim.
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