whitejay

Been over a year since I was here. I was doing well. Last night changed everything. Disgusted with myself and so depressed.
I need support and so glad I came back to SR. It's so hard being sober everyday and always being in your head. I will never give up.

DriGuy

I don't know if this means you drank last night or not. We can talk about being in your head everyday later if you want.

whitejay

Yes I drank for 16 hours.
It was fun while dancing and seeing all my old friends, but I am just fooling myself and I know that - I feel disgusted and embarrassed and my head hurts so bad. I got home at 3am and just laying here crying and wondering why I took that first drink. I really need SR and thought I didn't. 😞

biminiblue

whitejay, some of us had to keep touching that hot stove until it really burned us.

Stick with us. You had one day of drinking. Don't let it turn into two - or two thousand.

SproutLife

Oh man stinking relapse, that alcoholic voice really is convincing sometimes telling you it'll be a nice reprieve from being in your head eh? But I found it ends up being literally 100x worse during/after, with all those thoughts and anxiety raging unbriddled! Not fun! Hope your day today isnt too terrible and you can think of some kind things to do for yourself that are easier then drinking to quiet the old restless mind. Thank you for posting. Sending you hugs.

DeplorableDog

whitejay, I support you but I am going to be the one to ask. What are you going to do different to make your quit work this time? I have already committed to being here a minimum of 1,000 days posting every day. Beyond that I don't know because in my opinion the final part of quitting is not having to come here every day to stay quit. But if you follow the exact same method again you will get the exact same results. You will quit but someday you will get too comfortable and let your guard down. My guess is you thought you had quit long enough you could have a drink or two and stop. You thought you could control your intake. Some people can but alcoholics cannot. I quit as a young adult and went 27 years without drinking. Then I thought I could take a drink or two and be fine. Soon that became three, four, then five, six, eight. I am an alcoholic and always will be. The only thing that works for an alcoholic is no drinking no exception.

whitejay

My DIL mother started throwing up blood and was dead within 2 hours in her bedroom.She drank 1800 tequila everyday non stop.
DIL had a mental breakdown blaming herself for not helping her stop. This was 2 wks ago.
So sad. Alcohol the big destroyer of life and soul. Lies

whitejay

Definitely unbridled thoughts and major anxiety. I am always in my head thinking thinking , about life, news, shootings, politics,
the way our world is crumbling in front of our eyes. The children, the poor children what they have to grow up in. Poverty, inflation, on and on. If I could just stop.
The drink sounds calming. It makes everything worse.
I dont know how to stop thinking of all of it, crying, praying, talking about the news all day long.
Maybe I should start there.
But how ??

VikingGF

Whitejay, you can come back from one day of drinking- and then what, right?

Turn off the news. Let go of anything you can't control- and do small things to help- donate to a homeless shelter, or a dog rescue or whatever- do SOMETHING that gives you some power. Find the positive things around you, focus on those. Do not give into the boldfaced lie that drinking helps anything- if it did you would not be in misery right now. Fix yourself, then you can help others, if that is what you wish to do.

Good job coming here and posting right away.

overforty

The positive thing is that you're still trying, you're back here after one night of drinking - don't let it turn into a week, months or years like many of us have done.
Turning off the TV, news and quitting social media years ago was excellent for my mental health.
I recommend it.
It's all lies.
Be kind to yourself today - drink lots of fluids, have a bath if you have one, have something nice to eat and watch a film or something cheerful and gentle.
If you don't drink you'll wake up feeling more positive tomorrow x

whitejay

Thanks everyone for helping me.
I am realizing I have to turn off all news and radio, quit worrying about the world, and find something that makes me happy. It doesnt help that all the bars are open 24hrs due to casino workers. I think Im going to start with a therapist - I need help big time and talking it out will help me. I have alot to get out. Thanks again

VikingGF

A therapist is a great idea- part of recovery is knowing we need more support and reaching out for it. Good on you.

DriGuy

Seeing old friends and dancing sounds fun. I have no idea why drinking has to be included.

But how do you get out of your head? VikingGF said, "Turn off the News." In fact, over 10 years ago, I got rid of my TV altogether, and yes I missed some things, but the main reason I got rid of it was the news, and my inability to turn it off. A secondary motive (or maybe it was tied with the first) was simply understanding that I craved more peace of mind. I was over 15 years into sobriety, so news wasn't going to make me drink, but I was very aware that one of the things sobriety was giving me was contentment and peace of mind, and I was becoming contentment junky. News, if you can call it that, was more about examining controversy and always included talking heads on both sides of the controversy, whose main gift as celebrities was making snarky remarks. The news simply wasn't helping, and what they were passing off as news was just noise.

Of course there's more than turning off the news to get out of your head. Getting out of your head involves making the choice to do the things you need to do (or don't need to do) that keep you from stumbling about in your head. But the news thing is a good example, and it's not just an example, it actually works, and SR is a good place for you, because the news B.S. and similar distractions to life are off the table and not allowed precisely because they don't belong here and are anathema to our whole purpose. Here we discuss things that are mentally healthy to have in your head.

fishkiller

Good Work coming back. I'm hoping it was a one off.
I will ad another turn off the news and let it go.
The universe is gonna do what it's gonna do whether we worry ourselves to death about it or not.
Dust yourself off and Know you are done once and for all.

whitejay

I would love to throw my TV, cell phone, laptop, online ordering,
out the window forever !!
My family would not be happy.
Now we have AI to look forward to.Here I go again - see I cant stop !

novips

I could not stay clean & sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic for whom A.A. is the only solution. I have no idea whether you are that type of alcoholic, but feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

fishkiller

No need to throw anything away.
I still have all those things. I still have fears.
What I don't have is some stranger shoving more worries at me 24/7 because I choose my content.
SR is a great place to spend hours for positive content.
It also reminds us that we don't drink. Important thing to remember. A bit more important than the latest gossip and such.

Spend more time here. It won't hurt. It's Free! And it works if you do The Work

Anna

Welcome back, Whitejay. It's true that there is a lot of negativity out there, and sometimes it's hard to find things that make you happy. I don't think you can eliminate all the negative stuff, but, if you focus on good things that make you happy, I think you'll see a difference. Keep checking in here and know that we're supporting you.

whitejay

I've been in mandatory AA due to dui's.No license. I dont drive anymore. It's truly better this way.
I'm an out of control drunk.
I am the type of person who should never ever drink. It's really bad and I run all over town like a banchee - its insane.. when Im not drinking I am complete opposite. I need alot of forgiveness and healing.
God help me

whitejay

Thanks everyone . Im going to stick around SR family and stay close forever. I need you more than ever !