RunnerF

Pledging for today. Day 209

Forwards

Hi all,

Thanks Mags for the thread. What's it like to be an addict? Active, it's a living hell. In recovery it's a hard but rewarding journey with many positives along the way.

Thanks Free for thinking of me. I'm having a bit of a down few days with certain aspects of my mental health not perfect. I walked down to the harbor yesterday to watch the boats in the evening sunlight but couldn't get the negative thoughts out of my head. I've mentioned it to my team who reassured my that I'm doing well but I have my doubts. Still, I'm determined not to drink and at 4 years and 4 months sober that's entirely my choice to make. When I last spoke to my alcohol counsellor she reminded me that because I've been successful so far, I potentially have much more to lose should I relapse. A cautionary note indeed.

Anyway, the sun is shining so that's a positive start to the day. I'm embarking on a healthy diet for the summer and intend to take up swimming this week to get in shape. Healthy body, healthy mind and vice-versa etc. etc.

Thoughts to Alpine and those facing struggles. One day at a time.

Warm wishes to all. Forwards.

Mags1

Good Morning Weekenders

Good to see you Forwards. Sorry you’ve been feeling a bit down. 4 years and 4 months is great.

Runner good work on 209 days!

Sending thoughts to all who are suffering. xxxx

Dee74

Hope your spirits lift over the weekend Forwards

D

Alpine

Forwards, my thoughts are with you, I hope today finds you well. Big hug to you

Robbie64

Good Morning Weekenders

I've just got back from a 30 minute walk. I would have walked further but it keeps trying to rain and I've got washing hanging on the line.

Apline Forwards Both please take care.

It's a hoiday weekend and yesterday I once again had FOMO feelings. Thankfully it didn't last long.

It's time for a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits. Take care everyone.

least

. Hi Weasel, good to see you again!

Billie is lying forlornly on the floor, looking at me with sad-hungry dog eyes. She wants fed but I am waiting til 6 as she got a late breakfast.

Mags1

Good Morning Weekenders

Robbie, did you manage to get your washing off the line in time?

Least, I bet it’s hard to resist those cute sad doggy eyes from Billie.

Looking after a relatives cats for a week starting today. I just visit a few times a day to feed them and let them out. Last time I spent time with them on the sofa. They like human company sometimes.

Have a good sober Sunday xxxx

calmself

Emd of Day 531 - Ran 6.5k in 45 minutes. Had a good dinner and ready to hit the bed. Stay strong all. Good night from Seattle.

least

Mags, are you still considering adding a canine family member? . Sometimes you can find a surrender who came from a home with cats, so is used to them. Billie was the worst dog I've had to chase cats and harass them, poor kitties. . But I forgot, and Billie didn't know, about those five razors on their front feet... . After a year or so, Billie finally gave them a break, tho I think she finally got he nose clawed from Franny when she'd had enough. . Billie is now the cats' friend and they often play together. Sometimes Billie's playing got a bit rough, but she was mostly careful with them. And they still like her, a lot, after her first year or so being one of torment for the cats. . But they both forgave her and became good friends.

It's hard to define what it's like to be an addict, but it's easier for me to define it by being the opposite of everything I did and was back then. I am in control of what I can control and content with the rest. Back then I had to have control over something, and certainly didn't have any over myself. I now have self respect again and no longer waking up feeling horrible and wishing I were dead. I have hope, then I felt hopeless. I am responsible and pay my bills, back then I went into debt for spending my money on wine, to the exclusion of paying my bills.

I like myself now, and respect myself enough to not put alcohol in my body when I know so well of the damage it does.

And life now is happier, more positive. Practicing gratitude every day helps me to feel like a worthy human being. . A far cry from "those days".

PhoenixJ

Dogs bring out the good bit of me...also

Alpine

Runner

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RunnerF

Alpine I do understand as in “wicked pissah”. Go bruins.

Hope you are getting some relief.

Pledging for today. Day 210 (30 weeks). In remission and reminding myself it must stay that way or I’ll be dead sooner than I should.

Cityboy

Runnerf, very true. It's more than that though. Any thoughts of drinking can be played forward to the reality of hangover, misery, having made an idiot of yourself, and the realization that you aren't craving alcohol at all. It's that mythical escape you crave, which is a total falsehood.

least

I don't crave it anymore. Haven't for a long time. Feel like I broke the chains that were binding me.

Mags1

Good Morning Weekenders

It’s the first of May, I always like May as a month. Lots of blossoms and flowers blooming. The hedgerows look lush and green.

Least, yes we’re still wanting a pup. We feel it has to be a pup to be the same size as my cats so it won’t terrify them. Then they can grow up with it. One will come along eventually, or we’ll see one, one of these days.

Runner congratulations on 30 weeks. Good work!

PhoenixJ

A cruddy day with memories of how dysfunctional my family of origin was. My older bro (middle) died from organ failure from alcoholism, as all his signicant others supported his partner authorising his life support being stopped. Such a deep yellow-his eyes,skin, even his nails.My parents told relatives he had been beaten up in a night club...fast forward many years, it was my turn, died =because of my drinking, same bed, ICU, staff. An ICU nurse I got talking to at a meeting, remembered my bro and I, because of the peculiar/extreme were our diagnosis. For years hence, my cooked brain equated such trauma as the perfect excuse to drink myself into oblivion. So destructive and damaging. The ripple effects will always be with me...for some reason I am reminded of this sculpture- 'The dying Gaul'. He has a mortal wound that will, in time kill him. That is what my alcoholism was doing to me. So grateful I am no longer in that dark, dark place.



Prayers to all in need.

PhoenixJ

My bro died on May 1.

Caramel

I'm so sorry for this sad anniversary, PJ. ((hugs)), all of that, mon brave.

Cityboy

PJ, glad you aren't in that dark place any longer also.