SproutLife

Man Im almost at the 6 months mark after so many failed starts. Ive been through the Big Stressers tests and came through sober and I was very proud of myself. This current test is proving even harder and I'm surprised by it. I'm leaving my current stressful job for a much better one and Im so excited for to opportunity. But i guess i didn't account for the Big Feelings of saying goodbye, and the aimless energy of being in the twilight zone between jobs. Daytime downtime without accountability? Well my brain has just the solution for that!

Its a bummer to think that I dont know what to do with myself when I'm happy healthy and bored. Killing myself with alcohol is terrible idea! Why would i want to do that?? Hangovers and being so anxiety ridden I cant leave the bed, falling down and yelling in the mirror for god to take this addiction away from me.

I think i need to eat a big breakfast and maybe go for a long walk. The sun is coming back in Colorado, even if its still cold out. Dealing with the cold has to be better then reaching for the bottle.

Thank you all for letting me talk this out, I always appreciate everyones sharing and posting and support.

Tetrax

Free time sober can be the best! I'm not working rn but I find enjoyment with running, writing in coffee shops, playing guitar, watching my favourite shows and playing video games (which I find are especially good for when cravings come). And it's great to know spring is coming and knowing you'll be able to appreciate it without being a hollow, anxious wreck! Congrats on almost six months.

Hevyn

Sprout - I understand just how you're feeling. It's good that you wanted to talk it over.

We always tend to think of how comforting & relaxing it could be, not the hell it put us through. We're seeking the avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, but it's getting through these times that shape us & help us grow strong. We tend to have a euphoric recall about our drinking life - even after we've acknowledged that alcohol will never take us where we want to go. We insist to ourselves that it'll just be 'a few' to take the edge off - and it never is.

You are normal. These thoughts are common in the early days. Glad you are here with us.

Anna

SproutLife, it is difficult at times, isn't it! Congratulations on 6 months of recovery. I think you will find that the longer you are in recovery, the more comfortable you'll be with yourself.

VikingGF

Congrats on 6 moth s, Sprout!

I find bookstores and window shopping good ways to spend some time, refocus and appreciate sobriety in my downtime.

Dee74

Congrats on 6 months
use the downtime before you start your new job.

we get so used to getting our fun from a bottle that we can actually forget how to have fun sober, or
how to think of fun things to do, but really the world is our oyster

If you’re bored, do something

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)

D

Worried14

Well done on 6 months Sprout a big breakfast and a walk sounds great (well, the big breakfast does anyway )

Kejun

Euphoric recall about our drinking... How perfectly articulated, Hevyn.

Sprout, with six months under your belt, you will have experienced numerous ups and downs, your headspace will likely have recalibrated itself and you can probably feel confident in trusting your judgement. I have come a long way from where I was - you have too and indeed, those who have managed to stick with sobriety for a few months + have. What assists me is to acknowledge the significant time and effort to get this far in my/your/our journey of recovery.

There is a "boredom" element that can (and does) present itself, an intelligent disguise of the alcoholic voice we have with no intention or purpose other than to trip us up, to test us. You have left one role and are soon to start another. Similar to other difficult times you have had in the last few months, this is a new experience you have and one you are facing sober. It is another "first". You can take this as an opportunity to dial in another goal to your sober scoreline. I feel quite confident in that objectively recognising this change in circumstance is as exciting AND uncomfortable as many other changes - you are being tested.

Own this. This is a chance for you to take a deep inhale, move with confidence and purpose to this new opportunity which will certainly be unravelled and taken apart by drinking alcohol. Do you want to jeopardise not just this new role, but tarnish the memories of the blood, sweat and tears that for you to this six month mark. You have a choice. The same one we (all on here) have from time to time, and in fact, every day.

Make the right choice, Sprout.

Finally, massive congratulations on six months AND a new job.

Free2bme888

In-Between

~Melody Beattie

Sometimes, to get from where we are to where we are going, we have to be willing to be in-between.



One of the hardest parts of recovery is the concept of letting go of what is old and familiar, and what we don’t want, and being willing to stand with our hands empty while we wait for God to fill them.



This may apply to feelings. We may have been full of hurt and anger. In some ways, these feelings may have become comfortably familiar. When we finally face and relinquish our grief, we may feel empty for a time. We are in between pain and the joy of serenity and acceptance.



Being in-between can apply to relationships. To prepare ourselves for the new, we need to first let go of the old. This can be frightening. We may feel empty and lost for a time. We may feel all alone, wondering what is wrong with us for letting go of the proverbial bird-in-hand, when there is nothing in the bush.



Being in-between can apply to many areas of life and recovery. We can be in between jobs, careers, homes, or goals. We can be in between behaviors as we let go of the old and are not certain what we will replace it with. This can apply to behaviors that have protected and served us well all of our life, such as caretaking and controlling.



We may have many feelings going on when we’re in-between: spurts of grief about what we have let go of or lost, and feelings of anxiety, fear, and apprehension about what’s ahead. These are normal feelings for the in-between place. Accept them. Feel them. Release them.



Being in-between isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. It will not last forever. It may feel like we’re standing still, but we’re not.

We’re standing at the in-between place. It’s how we get from here to there. It is not the destination.



We are moving forward, even when we’re in-between.



Today, I will accept where I am as the ideal place for me to be. If I am in-between, I will strive for the faith that this place is not without purpose, that it is moving me toward something good.



From the book: The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

Big hugs, sproutlife.

Great post


Take a shower, a walk, cook something, clean a junk drawer, give a dog a bath, clean out refrigerator, go through closet and throw away 5 things, organize clothes that are hanging, call a friend, do some personal Hygiene, draw a picture, read a book, eat junk food, watch a movie, google liver disease, read “my story” form here in SR, post a supportive response here, go shopping, google a new recipe, sit with your feelings, meditate, ……..

so many things 🤓❤️

RecklessDrunk

After a night of binge drinking is not the time to ask God to take away the addiction! Now is the time.

I constantly ask God to take away my fear, anger, pride, jealousy, lust etc.

Without alcohol free time is a blank sheet of paper. Free time is just that, free. Once we add alcohol its like locking ourselves in our own little jail cell (sometimes literally). Then we are at the command of the alcohol. Then we constantly have to feed the beast whatever it wants this time around. It can get worse, it can always get worse the next time we drink.

VikingGF

*months.

My iPad hates me.

zoobadger

For me, learning to derive joy from simple pleasures has been an important element in my recovery. Getting high from booze magnifies everything and its natural to crave the emotional thrill that's inevitable when we drink. As you said, it's false and temporary, replaced by anxiety and misery when the high wears off.

But absence of pain alone wasn't enough to keep me sober. I had to learn to enjoy everyday life in a way that I didn't before. When I learned to slow down and live in the moment, I realized that I was ignoring or overlooking all sorts of seemingly trivial elements in my daily life that I now savor and look forward to.

I think what I'm describing in mindfulness. Not thinking ahead to something else that's more exciting than what you're doing right now. Instead, slowing down and living in the moment.

It's not effortless, but I think most people can learn to truly enjoy what they previously disregarded as mundane, empty time. And in the case of alcoholics, that's just waiting time until you can drink again.

awuh1

You sense a void. That's what the alcohol was there to fill. Fill the void with something meaningful. Below is a letter from a renowned psychiatrist to the first founder of Alcoholics Anonymous that addresses this. I hope you find it useful.

Offthemast

Awesome posts Kejun, Free, and Zoo. Thank you!

Free2bme888

Thank you, awuh1. Really cool letter

Hodd

Hi Sprout, it’s a “nice” problem to have, and your six months of good work seems to already have paid dividends. It does seem the good things happen when we sober up, but that’s because we’ve made our own luck. I did mention on another thread today that the likes of us (alcoholics in remission) must plan retirement very carefully as it’s not just about the finance but also keeping our minds occupied. It’s become an issue now with your down time. As Dee says, I certainly wouldn’t waste this precious time. Really plan an activity or some sort of online training course perhaps?

Ironically I’m in a very similar position and am between freelance contracts. By unusual good luck, I have travel plans (very lucky with timing). But I’m also a qualified school teacher and did some cover work (for the princely sum of maths £70 take home) in a school today. It certainly got me out the house and active today.

i 100% get where you’re coming from, though. Hope you can use this time well and look back with pride how you spent the time - and huge well done on 6 months

SproutLife

Thank you all so much for AMAZING kind words of insight! I have a feeling ill be refering back to these all continuously as time goes by. They all, each comment, resounded with me fully.

Zencat

Hi Sprout

I'm finding in my sobriety (like you 6 months clean) that exploration of healthy alternatives to drinking is fun. Free time is time to try new healthy. bould, challenging new behaviors.. Take up a hobby, join a dance class, be a member of a book club, learn a new language, indoor rock climbing. Be bold, be adventurous, challenge yourself to new heights, Find a fear, face it, overcome it to victory!

Bodhi02

Congrats on 6 months and the new job!! I struggle with having more free time too and what to do with that void. Boredom/restlessness are big time risk feelings for me to drink again. One thing I found really helpful is walking like you talked about. I especially liked to walk to one particular park and see how nature changed with the different seasons. I have a dog so we’d walk to the park which was about 2 miles and I’d take a picture of him at the same spot. It was truly remarkable seeing the subtle changes in nature. Something I undoubtedly missed when I was drinking.

I also would tell myself during those particularly dull or irritated moments that at least I was trying something different by not drinking.

novips

I couldn't stay clean & sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic for whom A.A. is the only solution. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat more about that.