connop1

Hi.

I seem to be struggling to get myself sober. I stopped for a year a few years ago but slowly got into drinking again, I also managed three months at the end of last year but got complacent over Christmas. I then stopped in January for a few weeks but I’m back right in the midst of drinking dangerously again. I really don’t know what to do to get myself out of this horrible cycle. I’m starting to feel a bit hopeless about being able to stop.

Sober53

You can get back up and look forward to feeling good. You can make it through the difficult first few days, make plans to how to deal with what makes you fall back into drinking. Your sober toolbox, I made a list of all the reasons that I wanted to stay sober, and looked at it often. I would come onto this site and recommit daily to not drinking for the next 24 hours, I avoided situations that revolved around drinking. You will find lots of support here

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling. I think that making a plan that works for you might help. For example, make a list of things you could do when you have a craving to drink alcohol and use the list when you need to. An exercise program of some sort (I walk and hike) can be very helpful. Do you have activities/hobbies that you enjoy or that you could get back to? Coming here to SR and reading and posting daily will also help you.

Dee74

What about posting regularly here for a while, and also read around see what other people have done to quit Connop?
Unfortunately, the longer we drink the more effort it’s going to take to stop.

It’s far from impossible tho, and I don’t know about you but by the end of my drinking, I was putting in a lot of effort to stay a drinker anyway.

why not reharness that energy and determination you obviously have?

D

Zencat

Hi Cannop

Being complacent is a big trigger to drink.
Not to be pushy or harsh - don't answer if you don't want to.
What kind of support did you have when you were sober?
Did you have a recovery plan?

​​​​​​​Keep posting here especially if you have a strong urge to drink. We can help you with that.
How about joining the SR https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/462156-class-march-2023-part-1-a.html]March Class[/url] for additional sobriety support.

connop1

Thanks for the words of encouragement all, I think I need that right now. I don’t have a plan in place and I’m feeling so mentally exhausted I don’t know if I can conceive of what a plan would look like. I may be at the stage of needing to get some professional help. When I stopped before I used to come here occasionally, but the complacency got me again and I stopped feeling I needed to post here.

Hevyn

Hi connop. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on.
I agree that posting here regularly - as much as you need to - is helpful. It lessened my anxiety in the early days of quitting. Everyone understands what you're going through, like no one else can. My family & friends are all social drinkers, so when I found SR I felt relieved that I had a place to be honest about my drinking. It's impossible to explain to normal drinkers what we are experiencing.

Glad you are here!

brighterday1234

There is a solution 🙏

Dee74

A plan could be as simple as coming here and posting and reading instead of drinking next time
It will do until you work something else out?

D

KTB5000

Keep coming back and stay close connop. You can do this. Have you ever tried AA? There are 24/7 international zoom meetings online

advbike

When I was really struggling I logged in here 2-3 times a day to read the threads, and post. Sometimes I posted 4 or 5 times a day, trying to help others, but it also helps us.

I also joined a monthly class which is a smaller group of people who go through together. More support.

And lastly, for about a year I attended AA meetings. I didn't like them so much but you know what? I always felt better after going to a meeting. Not sure how that works.

That's how you do it, Connop. It's not that hard, there will be setbacks, but once you get through the first week it gets a lot easier. Then a month.. well you know..

The single biggest factor was logging into SR every day. Just commit to doing that if all of this seems too overwhelming.

connop1

Thanks all for the advice. Maybe it’s time I look at something like AA to try and help. I don’t find quitting all that hard to start with. (The first week is hard usually, but after that I seem to be ok) I just find it hard to stay the course and I just somehow get dragged back in. I really desperately want to get this right this time.

biminiblue

Total quit. It's the only way.

You've left a door open.

Don't take a drink today.

Before going to bed, I hope you can make an internal commitment that you have had your last drink ever. That's the only way. Not only that, but it was huge burden lifted for me to just not have to think about drinking at some magical time in the future. Nope. Just done. It's over. Alcohol won. I admit defeat! I wanted out.

It's always going to end the same way if that is not the goal.

Read all the threads in Newcomers. We all have had the same experience in one way or another, and it's talked about in every possible way here. Zero drinks ever again is the only way out.

DriGuy

Good advice here so far and I would add that you should embrace with all your heart that just one drink once in awhile can never be a part of your life, because alcoholics can't do that. And you can't work hard enough to become a nonalcoholic like you were before you started drinking. If you are not an alcoholic, you can drink in moderation, so go ahead and enjoy. But welcome to alcoholism, where life can be wonderful, but only if you don't drink. If you do, then welcome to alcoholism again, but this time where life sucks.

VikingGF

It’s time to admit that drinking ever again is not an option. Getting time free from drinking is not the same as committing to never drinking again and that is probably why you keeping sliding back. Commit to a better life, do not drink today and then do it again the next day. Come here, join a class and be of service to others to help yourself. You can do this, you have the desire.

Free2bme888

Sometimes, for me, a whole day was too big a chunk to commit to.

For me, it is NEVER DRINK NOW

Its always NOW, isn’t it?

So, for this moment, I will

-sit on my hands
-cry
-sleep
-eat Doritos
-go for a walk
-clean a junk drawer
-take a shower
-eat something nutritious

EVERYTHING was a trigger for me, even doing the dishes, so I just cleared the thoughts, MADE myself think of something else, like a house made of candy like in Hansel and Gretel, and think about how’d I’d design that house,

I don’t like AA, but I’ve found a lot of You Tube on it, and I think they have a lot to offer.

Save yourself, we can show you the path, but you must take all your own steps, and make sure your footing grows more solid with each day.

It will.

We believe in you. Do you?

Dee74

how are things Connop?

D

connop1

I've had a few slips since writing this initial post. I seem to have stopped the weekday drinking but both previous weekends I've found myself unable to control the urge to drink. It seems to happen so instantly and before I know it I find myself in the shop buying drinks and it spirals from there. I thought I was going to do it this time, I was looking forward to my weekend without drinking and managed fine on Friday then on Saturday out of nowhere I found myself drinking again and this spilt over into Sunday. And I feel right back to square one now. I know I need to be more mindful to control that voice but it is just proving so difficult. Harder than it has before.

I am in touch with the alcohol support services in my local area, I figure I need to get all the help I can at this stage. I keep making the decision to stop and feel happy with that decision but then end up going back on it "one last time".

DriGuy

Very slowly back into drinking again is not the way you solve the problem. If you are an alcoholic, you can never drink, not one drink, ever. And going slowly only creates an illusion that you are OK and don't need to worry yet. If you are an alcoholic, your default state is to eventually drink dangerously, whatever that means to you. One drink is all it takes to put you into the "going slowly" mode, and as you continue drinking slowly, you are on your way to the default. The problem started before you began to drink slowly. It started with that one seemingly harmless drink, which always reactivates the addiction cycle, and then you start having thoughts like, "Well, this isn't too bad. I'm not out of control yet, so if I keep drinking this way I'll be OK." This may be true for normies, but a credible argument can be made that they are in danger too. However, if you are an alcoholic, you can never hope to be OK again, and you can't experiment now-and-then to test the waters, and you will never drink without ending up in an alcoholic despair.

But don't drink ever, and you can lead a normal life. If your definition of "normal life" has to include at least a little bit of alcohol, you need to redefine your definition to one that reflects actual reality, rather than the typical alcoholic dream state.

biminiblue

Aw, man, connop.

Is there some reason why you can't listen to some AA YouTube videos, or go to a meeting (either virtual or in-person?) Look up "AA Speakers and More" on YouTube. Your experience is repeated almost word for word in the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous."

That whole scenario you describe in this post really points to the fact that the First Drink is the one you have to avoid.

Forever.

MeToo.