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Tired of this habit. Excited to Quit.

Old 02-25-2023, 01:18 PM
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Tired of this habit. Excited to Quit.

Hello,

I am tired of my drinking habit. It has too much control over me and is not doing anything positive for me. For the last 10 years I have consumed between 3-6 drinks on average most every night with only small breaks (days to a little over a month) in-between. Rarely at the 6 range as an average but occasionally there were a short stretches of time where it was probably 5-6.

I don't drive drunk, I don't miss work, I'm rarely hung over enough to be sluggish in the morning (although I do occasionally have bad nights where I drink enough to get hungover). My wife and I get along, I've got a young daughter and honestly enjoy my life. I'm very successful in my career, bills are paid, and have $ in the bank. I have no reason to be doing this. I'm afraid I'm doing harm to myself and tired of the stress of needing to be sure I can drink each and every night.

It's only been 4 days since I quit but starting 2 or 3 weeks leading up to quitting I had actually cut back to only 2-3 drinks a night just because I was trying to be a better dad and husband.

Well I had routine blood work done last week and my liver enzymes were slightly elevated. My ALT was in the normal range (top of normal range) but my AST (still lower than ALT) was a few points above the normal range. The Dr. Emailed me telling me how overall all blood work looked very good, but ordered a other blood test to confirm AST as it was slightly elevated. I will retest in not quite a week. I'm hoping 8 days of no drinking and a better diet makes a difference. Regardless, it's time I make a change and get alcohol out of my life. I hope and pray I haven't done any serious / permanent damage to my body. I'm 32 years old and 15lbs overweight - and I eat a horrible diet but I'm working on that too.

I quit for a little over a month almost a year ago right before my daughter was born - I wanted to be 100% on my game when my wife went into labor. I was happier, sleeping better, and a better person overall. Why I started drinking again is beyond me.

I guess I just created this account and post to look for advice and speak out. Thanks for any input and support.
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Old 02-25-2023, 02:02 PM
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Great work on your start so far! Sounds like much in your life is going well, but it ALSO sounds like you have many good reasons to quit.

I found the "rational recovery" approach to be the most helpful. There's plenty of info about it online both here and elsewhere, but in a nutshell, it trains you to realize that any reason you give yourself to keep drinking is actually untrue, irrational, and/or doesn't mesh with the values you hold dear as a person. The part of you that wants to keep drinking (called the so-called alcoholic voice, or AV) will "say" all kinds of things to the part of you that gets to make your life decisions. Normally you listen to the AV without questioning it, and so you keep drinking. But really, the AV just feeds you stupid lies.

For example, the AV tells you that the only way you can unwind and feel good after work is to have a few drinks. Well, that's obviously false, because you have had good, relaxed nights without alcohol before, and anyway, alcohol actually increases your stress and anxiety -- just look at your post. Drinking is causing you lots of stress! It's not making you feel better.

Another lie from the AV is that alcohol cravings will be impossible to withstand, and therefore drinking is the only way to get out from under that craving feeling. This is also a lie; cravings pass pretty quickly (like 5 mins, usually), and anyway a craving doesn't kill you, and it doesn't raise your liver enzymes, and it doesn't cause you all the massive stress that drinking does. And there are a million things you can do to distract yourself during the few minutes you are experiencing a craving.

It goes on and on; the main point is that your AV tells you a constant series of lies that enable your drinking. When you recognize that, it can become much easier to control your behavior and do the things that you want to do -- like be a good dad to your kids, be present for your spouse, and remember the ending of movies that you start watching on TV, lol.

Anyway, you asked for advice, and that's my advice. It's by no means the only way to change drinking behavior. Others find help and support through the 12 steps of AA. Or individual therapy with a counselor. Or a "rehab" program. There is more than one road to your destination.

All the best.
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Old 02-25-2023, 02:02 PM
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Welcome CF2023. You are making a great choice for yourself and your family. So many great things in a life with out alcohol in it Like you said sleeping better is just one and there are so many more benefits to your overall health. Good luck.
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Old 02-25-2023, 02:04 PM
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Welcome, CF, and I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. 4 days of sobriety is great and I know that you can continue this trend. Do you have a plan in mind for how you will stay sober and continue your recovery? Coming up for some ideas of things to do when you would have been drinking could help you. And, keep reading and posting.
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Old 02-25-2023, 02:20 PM
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Welcome to the family! . Getting sober was the best thing I've ever done for myself. . Please read and post as much as you like.
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Old 02-25-2023, 02:25 PM
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You have found a great place to start.

The re-starts on alcohol is something that we can all relate too.

Your body will heal itself from the damage the longer that you stay sober.

Sobriety Road is not an easy path to follow but many of us keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.
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Old 02-25-2023, 03:03 PM
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Hi CF - It's great to have you with us. I'm so glad you made this life changing decision.

I wish I had quit when I knew I should. I have no idea why I clung to it for so long. Trying to manage it caused needless pain & misery.
You can do it! Keep reading & posting - this is a very encouraging place.

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Old 02-25-2023, 03:13 PM
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Thank you guys for the responses so far. As to a plan for what I can do while I'm missing alcohol I don't have a concrete one in place. I'm hoping once I get some better sleep I can start exercising in the evenings - wasn't a good option before as my evening time was spent drinking.... I'm also planning on clinging to my wife about like our daughter does. She may not be to crazy about that but she fully supports me and obviously will do anything to help me succeed.

When the busy/stressful season at work starts it will be hard, but I can manage. I always cut back slightly during this time as I work longer hours for a month or two during this time but I sure looked forward to my drinks more than ever after a hard stressful day.

Last night I didn't get very much sleep at all. I don't think it has much to do with withdrawal symptoms as the days prior I slept OKAY, but more so stress over my lab results and what they could mean. Google has me all worked up.

If our daughter was older and didn't go to bed so early I think going grocery shopping (as a family) out to eat a little later than usual, and other family evening activities could be helpful. I NEVER drank before 5pm. And for probably half of the 10 years I waited until 630-7 to have a drink. Done by 9. In bed shortly after 10. I told myself I was more in control since I didn't day drink, and waited until the day was over.
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Old 02-25-2023, 03:45 PM
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Welcome to SR CF
As to a plan for what I can do while I'm missing alcohol I don't have a concrete one in place. I'm hoping once I get some better sleep I can start exercising in the evenings - wasn't a good option before as my evening time was spent drinking.... I'm also planning on clinging to my wife about like our daughter does. She may not be to crazy about that but she fully supports me and obviously will do anything to help me succeed.
A plan can be as simple as how to negate that 'I want a drink' feeling.
some good ideas here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

as for clinging to your wife...ehhh... I think you'd probably do better to cling to this community. Never a great idea to put the weight of our recovery support solely on someone else.,,share the load
D
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Old 02-25-2023, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome to SR CF


A plan can be as simple as how to negate that 'I want a drink' feeling.
some good ideas here
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

as for clinging to your wife...ehhh... I think you'd probably do better to cling to this community. Never a great idea to put the weight of our recovery support solely on someone else.,,share the load
D
You're right. I don't want to rely heavily on my wife, she has enough going on with a demand career and our kid at home. I more so mean in these early days I think I will be able to really count on her.

Spending time on here may help. I have a dog and taking him for a walk in the evening is a great idea if the weather is fit. Since we had our daughter he is definitely neglected in comparison to before her.
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Old 02-25-2023, 10:49 PM
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When I was early in recovery I used to have three dogs and would walk them any time I had a bad craving to drink. They were happy with all the walks and I was happy cause I stayed sober.

Dog walking is good therapy for whatever ails ya. .
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Old 02-25-2023, 11:13 PM
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Hi CF2023
congratulations on your 4 days, the dog walking sounds like a great idea and great exercise at the same time.
Stay off google, nothing good ever comes off self diagnosis on there, sounds like your Dr is keeping an eye on things now and your committed to living a healthier life so try and focus on that.
Definitely come here for support and encouragement, its a great place and was her in helping me quit. Sounds like there's a lot of great things in your life alreafy and things will only get better and better with sobriety. Work stress can ve hard but you may also find with sobriety that it becomes less stressful and you handle things differently, my reward was always a drink after a long hard day but now I crave a cuppa a few biscuits.
Best of luck and keep posting.
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Old 02-26-2023, 05:15 AM
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Problem drinking gets worse over time and quitting becomes harder. Also, not drinking is a good life change, because drinking is unnecessary and there is nothing it does that is actually good for you. Not drinking makes you healthier, sometimes slightly healthier, but sometimes dramatically healthier. Early on it's a simple "plus" to your life. Later, it can be the difference between living and an early death. There is no logical reason not to quit. Sure there are lots of reasons to keep drinking, but none of them are truths, and most are outright lies coming from your AV as was pointed out earlier by Radix and others.
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Old 02-26-2023, 05:21 AM
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Good start, CF. As a lot of us have learned the hard way, the only way to quit is forever. Once you’ve become dependent on alcohol, which I think you have sadly, moderation isn’t possible and will only revert back to everyday/heavy drinking time and time again. Eight days is a very good start. No reason why it can’t be forever now.
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Old 02-26-2023, 05:39 AM
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One relevant question is whether you are an alcoholic and, if so, what type of alcoholic. For example, I have come to conclude that I am an alcoholic of the type for whom only a full commitment to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous will work in terms of allowing me to stay clean and sober for good and all. A good place to start in terms of the broader question is on page 44 of A.A.'s "Big Book" (the basic text of A.A). There it says: "If, when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer." Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about any of that.
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Old 02-26-2023, 05:48 AM
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Learning about the AV was a huge help to me.
It will come calling. It's a big fat liar. There is No good reason to drink poison.
My response to it is,
I Don't Drink.
No Matter What.

If forever seems a little overwhelming at first you can change it to Just Don't Drink Today. No Matter What.
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Old 02-26-2023, 06:34 AM
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Originally Posted by CF2023 View Post
Hello,

I am tired of my drinking habit. It has too much control over me and is not doing anything positive for me. For the last 10 years I have consumed between 3-6 drinks on average most every night with only small breaks (days to a little over a month) in-between. Rarely at the 6 range as an average but occasionally there were a short stretches of time where it was probably 5-6.

I don't drive drunk, I don't miss work, I'm rarely hung over enough to be sluggish in the morning (although I do occasionally have bad nights where I drink enough to get hungover). My wife and I get along, I've got a young daughter and honestly enjoy my life. I'm very successful in my career, bills are paid, and have $ in the bank. I have no reason to be doing this. I'm afraid I'm doing harm to myself and tired of the stress of needing to be sure I can drink each and every night.

I quit for a little over a month almost a year ago right before my daughter was born - I wanted to be 100% on my game when my wife went into labor. I was happier, sleeping better,
I used alcohol for sleep for many years. Never drank when I came home from work or during work or projects around the house. I made myself wait until 9 pm before drinking.

Then we moved out of town and I was commuting; obviously I can't wait until 9 to drink because I need to be asleep earlier. So I justified drinking earlier.

The life changing events following that move made it easier to drink anytime of the day for I essentially worked from home. I eventually became alcoholic, but it took about 20 years for that to happen. Alcoholism is very patient and it was doing yoga and CrossFit the whole time, just waiting for me to become weak.

My wife had a daughter from a previous marriage that we raised together. I was out of my mind excited when my wife told me that she was pregnant. I never thought I'd have one of my own. Her name is Autumn. She is now 16 years old, and it's been almost 10 months since I heard her voice or seen her face. She wants nothing to do with me. I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes.

I never missed a day of work, regardless of how hungover I was. I paid my bills on time and was living a very comfortable middle 6 figure income. I was on the school board, volunteer fire fighter, and belonged to several booster clubs. The public saw me as a great contributor of our community.

Alcoholism doesn't discriminate, rich, poor, un-educated, fat, or skinny......
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Old 02-26-2023, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Farrier View Post
I used alcohol for sleep for many years. Never drank when I came home from work or during work or projects around the house. I made myself wait until 9 pm before drinking.

Then we moved out of town and I was commuting; obviously I can't wait until 9 to drink because I need to be asleep earlier. So I justified drinking earlier.

The life changing events following that move made it easier to drink anytime of the day for I essentially worked from home. I eventually became alcoholic, but it took about 20 years for that to happen. Alcoholism is very patient and it was doing yoga and CrossFit the whole time, just waiting for me to become weak.

My wife had a daughter from a previous marriage that we raised together. I was out of my mind excited when my wife told me that she was pregnant. I never thought I'd have one of my own. Her name is Autumn. She is now 16 years old, and it's been almost 10 months since I heard her voice or seen her face. She wants nothing to do with me. I cry myself to sleep at night sometimes.

I never missed a day of work, regardless of how hungover I was. I paid my bills on time and was living a very comfortable middle 6 figure income. I was on the school board, volunteer fire fighter, and belonged to several booster clubs. The public saw me as a great contributor of our community.

Alcoholism doesn't discriminate, rich, poor, un-educated, fat, or skinny......

I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your daughter. Hopefully you guys can become close again.

Sometimes I wonder if part of the drinking isn't out of bordem, or to calm a racing mind. Regardless it doesn't matter and I have to get it 100% out of my life. It does not fit in the life I need and desire to have.

I can absolutely recognize my AV. He has been winning for far to long. I've tried to manage it and just drink here and there, I can't do that. There is no reason it would be any different next time even if my AV tries to convince me otherwise.

Thanks again for the support. It feels good to talk about this with people who understand.
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Old 02-26-2023, 08:11 AM
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Yeah, your AV will always lie to you.
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Old 02-27-2023, 10:33 AM
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All is going well except for my nerves. I can't stop worrying that I have hurt my liver. A decade of 3-6 drinks per night is well above what it claims it takes to possibly cause serious liver damage.

I really never thought too much about this. I knew what I was doing was not good for me, but I always told myself how at least I'm not 100lbs overweight, at least I get some physical exercise, plenty of people don't eat what the health experts say they should for their whole lives and have no major consequences. I'm causing myself to lose sleep and depriving myself of enjoying this new norm for me. I wasn't missing work, waking up with bad hangovers daily, or anything that would come with consuming more alcohol so I tried to justify it in my head as harmless.

I hope my next liver test, in a few days shows the levels are in the normal range then hopefully I can quit stressing about this. I'm scared they won't and then it will snowball from there. I doubt 9 days is enough to bring down my levels, although the ALT was in the normal range (towards the top, but still normal) my AST was 9 points above the max normal. (still 10 pts lower than ALT though).

Again thank you all for the support.
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