Obsession with someone
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Originally Posted by Klio 
Thank you, Dee. I tried therapy. I'm putting a pin in it for now. I'm not finding it helpful to dig into the past trauma or the misery of my marriage. I know it's connected but I need practical ways to cope in the meantime. "Trying to make the intolerable tolerable" is very aptly put. 
Maybe there are therapists out there that have approaches that would help, but it hasn't been my experience yet.
Maybe there are therapists out there that have approaches that would help, but it hasn't been my experience yet.The fact this situation has driven you to use pills worried me reading it, as its clear it does you.
It may be as you say your future is with neither man.
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Sure, it was just one suggestion.
The fact this situation has driven you to use pills worried me reading it, as its clear it does you.
It may be as you say your future is with neither man.
D
The fact this situation has driven you to use pills worried me reading it, as its clear it does you.
It may be as you say your future is with neither man.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 527
Glad to hear you've been brought to the 12 Steps. What you describe sounds like some type of "sober bottom" to me. The best remedy I've come across for that is going through the 12 Steps like it's your first time -- regardless of how many times you've gone through them before or how many years away you are from your last drink. If you can keep an open mind then you can have a new experience that will help you solve your problem.
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Originally Posted by novips
Glad to hear you've been brought to the 12 Steps. What you describe sounds like some type of "sober bottom" to me. The best remedy I've come across for that is going through the 12 Steps like it's your first time -- regardless of how many times you've gone through them before or how many years away you are from your last drink. If you can keep an open mind then you can have a new experience that will help you solve your problem.
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Originally Posted by Bethany57
Kilo- I am so sorry you are hurting. I can almost feel your pain through your words . I have been there as well. I can tell you this —- time heals. You will get there but it takes time. Hugs to you.
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Originally Posted by Klio
Thank you, brb. Sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. I wish you relief from it. Interestingly enough, I am rather fulfilled in other areas of my life, and there's a lot of positive in it, for which I am grateful. Meeting new people is a good suggestion. I tried and will continue to try. I reached out to past and new connections. Other interactions just don't fill that deep void. I'm an introvert and seek out deeper meaningful connections, and this just hasn't happened with anyone else, not even a friend, everything continues to be on the surface level and rather superficial. Simply filling out my time and distracting doesn't help. I carry him along with me in my thoughts everywhere, no matter what I'm doing. We get each other intellectually, spiritually, and in our humor, which is a rare find. I don't idealize him. There is no future there. The need and longing is just so overwhelmingly strong.
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Originally Posted by AJ143143
. This hit so close to home for me. Thank you for being so transparent. All I can say is I can relate so much to you. I’m an introvert as well, although my career makes me have to extremely extroverted… which is exhausting. I met a man 8 months ago after a really terrible divorce. I had been single and working on myself for 2 years. I fell for him and it felt like magic … until it didn’t. It was devastating when he discarded me and one of his other exes reached out to me and let me know that there is a line of woman who had come before me who know he’s a narcissist… I know our stories don’t match exactly but I was fully addicted to this person. I haven’t spoken to him in 3 months and I’m still thinking about him every single day. So I just wanted to say I relate. I haven’t figured out the “secret sauce” so to speak yet on navigating this. But you are not alone
Coincidentally, I have to talk a lot at my job too, and then recuperate, it's the extravert's world. 🙂 A memory popped up on my phone today, and I remember exactly where I was and how heartsick I was over him then. It's been at least a year of this deep heartache! I allowed myself to wallow for a bit tonight but stopped immersing into the misery any deeper. In one of the new shows I saw recently a therapist recommended setting a timer for 15 minutes to grieve and let yourself feel all the feelings, and when the time's up, pick up and keep moving. I'm trying. I also keep coming back to the words from ToughChoices:
"I have found that my Higher Power will never leave me, and I need never abandon myself. That’s TWO big fighters on my side, no matter what. I can depend on it."
Much love to you, AJ, and I hope you feel relief soon! ❤️
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Originally Posted by Klio
Just wanted to check in. Time passes, I'm doing the work, the pain persists.
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I have experienced this and had a couple of "emotional affairs". What I realized is that the problem really stemmed from unhappiness in my marriage and seeing others that had what seemed to be traits that were a better fit for me. I never acted on these. Have you ever heard of limerence? Very interesting to read about, even on Wikipedia.
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Service—whatever form(s) that take for you. Walking shelter dogs and cleaning cages, helping out at a food pantry, building and picking up trash on trails, etc.
Getting the focus outside of yourself helps the hurt to scab over and heal, at least I (and many others) have found it so. There are many opportunities for both introvert and extrovert, and it is a chance to be around many kind good-hearted people and help in little ways to make the world a bit happier.
I don’t want to sound like an overly idealistic “do-gooder” but you really will find it helpful. I am as practical / pragmatic as they come, and it’s a win-win situation. Best to you—
Getting the focus outside of yourself helps the hurt to scab over and heal, at least I (and many others) have found it so. There are many opportunities for both introvert and extrovert, and it is a chance to be around many kind good-hearted people and help in little ways to make the world a bit happier.
I don’t want to sound like an overly idealistic “do-gooder” but you really will find it helpful. I am as practical / pragmatic as they come, and it’s a win-win situation. Best to you—
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Originally Posted by DriGuy
Good to see you again. Sometimes pain can persist for a long time. Some shake it off more easily than others, and we could do well to learn their secrets. Or we can just muddle through. It doesn't last forever.
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Originally Posted by Oglsby
I have experienced this and had a couple of "emotional affairs". What I realized is that the problem really stemmed from unhappiness in my marriage and seeing others that had what seemed to be traits that were a better fit for me. I never acted on these. Have you ever heard of limerence? Very interesting to read about, even on Wikipedia.
And yes, I realize that I keep getting lost remembering the touches, kind words, and intimate moments. I have to forcefully reread the list of blatant truths about him that make the relationship impossible.
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
Service—whatever form(s) that take for you. Walking shelter dogs and cleaning cages, helping out at a food pantry, building and picking up trash on trails, etc.
Getting the focus outside of yourself helps the hurt to scab over and heal, at least I (and many others) have found it so. There are many opportunities for both introvert and extrovert, and it is a chance to be around many kind good-hearted people and help in little ways to make the world a bit happier.
I don’t want to sound like an overly idealistic “do-gooder” but you really will find it helpful. I am as practical / pragmatic as they come, and it’s a win-win situation. Best to you—
Getting the focus outside of yourself helps the hurt to scab over and heal, at least I (and many others) have found it so. There are many opportunities for both introvert and extrovert, and it is a chance to be around many kind good-hearted people and help in little ways to make the world a bit happier.
I don’t want to sound like an overly idealistic “do-gooder” but you really will find it helpful. I am as practical / pragmatic as they come, and it’s a win-win situation. Best to you—
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