throwaw7

My boyfriend of a year after getting very sick, long story, was forced into rehab by a family member.

I did not know the extent of his alocholism. I have never seen him violent, overly drunk, etc,. I think he just drank everyday, over the day, more than he should and it caught up with him.

Im really happy he is getting treatment, but I am still in shock over this. He got admitted yesterday for 90 days. I never got to say bye. I have not heard from him.

Im so worried, I Know that he got put in a men's recovery but there is also a womens section at this place, and i know this is so dumb, but i reading, do the men and women do stuff together.. Im honestly worried he will forget about me over this time and find someone he related to. hes a really emotional amazing person and im worried about losing him, i know its the last thing i should be worried about but it crosses my mind.

when will he call me? can i visit. i feel so lost, like i cant eat and i cant go to work just sat at the beach all day crying because i miss him and i dont know when i will see him again. I do not have any addiction problems myself and ill do anything i can to help him if he lets me, i just feel like lost and sad. i try to connect with his sister but i dont wanna bug her. please help

Mummyto2

Hi first of all breath and calm yourself, your boyfriend won't be doing anything apart from getting the help he needs, one of the more knowledgeable members will be able to answer your questions better than i can, you will be fine and when he comes out you will realize there was nothing to worry about

throwaw7

thank you. i just feel awful, he is my best friend and support person for the past year. i feel broken like hes gone. i dont know when i get to talk to him or see him if at all. i cant stop crying. i cant focus on anyting. i just wait by my phone all day today to jump to any notifications. then im worried, what if he meets a women there. like he falls deep in love with people and i know hes not there for that its just a worry that shouldnt cross my mind but did.

Mummyto2

I don't know that much about rehab but i am pretty sure there are no phone calls allowed because it interferes with treatment, the best thing you can do is stop crying and get something to eat because you want to show him how strong you are being for him when he comes out, if you spend all the time crying you won't be looking your best, stop worrying and look after yourself otherwise you won't be able to support him if he needs it

Dee74

Hi and welcome throwaw7
Different rehabs have different rules about phone calls and letters etc, and while some are single sex or segregated by gender, others are not.
You'd need to ask the specific rehab.

I know it must be very hard to have this sprung on you and to be waiting with no word.
I always think if your relationship is strong, it can survive things like this.

Please know we are here to support you -you're not alone
You may want to also check out our Friends and Family forum here

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

D

Cityboy

I think that the best thing to hope for is that he takes this seriously and comes out of it a person who doesn't have a dependency on alcohol or drugs, and remains that way.

throwaw7

well I know it’s a hospital and it has a men and women’s section that are separate whe I called they asked which section I wanted to be connected to, but do
they stay separate lik that?

throwaw7

yes, that is what I hope for. I’m going to work on my own life too and learn about this in my time so I can help him afterward and if I’m at all included in the process now which I don’t know, I heard some places let visitors and even let them in for family meetings, which I would love to be included in but I’m just his girlfriend so I don’t know or expect him to want me to, if it’s even possible anyway, I know my place in his life right now , I just really care about him, and want a future with him

Dee74

I don't know how much they might mingle, if at all, throwaw.

D

throwaw7

it looks like they are complete separate units. Trust me it’s the last thing I’m worried about, but I just feel forgotten tho I know it’s not his fault and he’s going through a lot more than I can even imagine. Even if I had to lose him to somebody else I’d rather that Han worse happen to him. I just miss him

joe801

Most rehabs have phone/letter/visit restrictions because of early day triggers that will be identified, restrictions are also in place so the patient can focus on themselves and life choices without outside input. It's also there to keep sterile any slippery drop offs and other substances sneaking inside. Once the 5 to 7 days are over the physical part gets better the chemical dependent brain is still fighting the circumstance.

90 days is a good starting foundation, as it doubles the minimum of 45 days when clarity is restored.

Anna

I'm sorry this came as a surprise to you and I'm sure it's hard. The best thing to do is to call the rehab and ask the questions you have and/or search their website for information. Take care of you during this time.

throwaw7

they don’t have a website. I tried calling but they were not nice, all they said was “we can’t confirm or deny someone is here” and they don’t wanna tell me anything . They were really mean. I called again to ask when patients can talk and the said 2 times a day for ten minutes. He hasn’t called me or anyone and he’s been there since yestedsy. I wait all day to hear from him. I called again and asked to leave my number bc he doesn’t memorize it and they were mad and annoyed like didn’t you just call us. I am breaking. I can’t focus on anything, jus non stop crying

throwaw7

He was on the hospital for two weeks before this so I think he already went through the immediate withdrawing and stuff. I just didn’t even get to say bye or know when I will talk to or see him again!!!!! I feel so bad!!!!! Every time my phone makes a noise I pray it’s him and it’s not! Everything reminds me of him! I feel soooo bad !!!

Anna

I'm sorry you can't get any information. Try to believe he will find a way to call you when he is ready to do so. Right now, I expect he is very involved in the new routine and working hard on the rehab program. This may take all his energy for awhile. Try to distract yourself as much as you can.

throwaw7

yeah I gusss soo. I just terribly miss him,
I know his sister said no one has heard anything fr him so he’s not just avoiding me. I just am really hurting. I didn’t even get to say bye

joe801

I understand how rough the situation is right now. I know text and forum messages can sometimes seem insensitive, I'm sure you'll get some information soon.

If it helps any even just a tiny bit, your boyfriend is temporarily staying in the best place possible for anyone struggling to get better.

Eddiebuckle

I can only say what the routine was where I went, and each place has its own rules. That said, I was in detox (medically supervised wing) for the first two days, then for the first week (might have been two weeks) I was not able to use the phone. The purpose being to allow the person to focus on their recovery rather than the outside world. Give it time, when he is ready and able to call you, he will. He needs to focus on sobriety like his life depends on it, because it does.