joe801

I remember many times leaving the store from anxiety, really full panic attacks waiting in line to check out. I even recall leaving semi-full shopping carts just to return hours later to pick the same items.

Once I become self-aware that I was legally still drunk from the night before, looking all bloated and red, felt much older than my age, and obviously reek of alcohol the shame helped steer me toward sobriety. The double edge the shear anxiety and panic levels caused by constant withdrawal from alcohol ultimately caused a mental fissure that made me hate alcohol but still craved the few hours it made me feel better. It's sad when you can't get drunk enough to enjoy anything the only effect is blackout just to repeat the cycle. The true poetry, alcohol made me addicted, and alcohol forced me to quit. It's a suicidal addiction if not broken.

I had to give myself pep talks before leaving the house, going to work, going through a drive-thru for a meal even walking outside. I feared going outside, constant state of malice and doom.

Hevyn

...and to think we thought it was somehow enhancing our lives, helping us to cope. We were owned by it & ruled by it. It's such a wonderful miracle to be free.

RunnerF

Joe801 thanks for sharing your experience. It resonates to my core the effects alcohol has had on my life and body. I am ashamed I allowed it to continue for so long but I have come to peace with the knowledge that it is an addictive drug, nothing more. I am embracing the freedom as Hevyn points out. Until recently I could not internalize that thought. I always felt if I quit drinking I would be missing something. Quite the opposite has been true so far. I plan to continue to walk away from alcohol and enjoy life on life’s terms.

Sorry to take this thread on a slightly different tangent. I too shopped around so no one would know how bad I was. Trouble is the one person whose opinion matters most, mine, was always there and I knew and know I had a problem. I can’t run from me anymore…..I’m too old.

Hodd

Hi RunnerF, I don’t think we should feel shame because of drinking. Alcohol’s addictive. We didn’t know it would catch us like that when we started drinking in the past. We should actually be proud that we’ve overcome or are overcoming a very hard addiction to kick. I read somewhere that alcohol’s harder to give up than heroin. I’ve no idea about the latter, but it’s a massive achievement to quit alcohol, and quitting is a bigger feat than most other people achieve in their lifetime.

LazaB

Did those feelings go away ? If they did how long did it take before they did ?

joe801

Within weeks it was better, I believe within the 45-60 day range they were gone, definitely at the 90 day mark. I didn't take prescription medications, I did take precursor serotonin (just helps to produce) & gaba supplements from the vitamin store early on and changed my diet that could be a placebo though. It was almost like I forgot the anxiety if that makes sense. All of a sudden instead of thinking about going inside a store or seeing someone, I just went to the store.

If I focus on the past panic attacks and anxiety events, I can still remember the feeling, but it doesn't hinder and goes away within seconds the feelings lost hold.

RunnerF

Hodd. Totally agree breaking alcohol addiction is very difficult. As this is my second longest stint sober since I was 18, now 62, I know each time I was able to stop it was an exhilarating experience to be free of it. Not easy by any measure but got easier as the days went and go on. It as if I am maturing daily. I have read that once you pass that addiction point you cease to mature mentally so when you stop you are at the age, maturity wise, that your addiction started. Thus I would be about 28 mentally but unfortunately my body is now 62. Too bad the reverse wasn’t true, LOL. Have a great day.

Cityboy

Runnerf, I've thought that many times. I ceased maturing on various levels because of the drinking. The good news is, that 'maturity' is now in overdrive and it feels as if I can see things on a level that escapes others.

Hodd

Hi Runner, I’ve said this a lot and no apologies for the repeat 🤣 I had no idea of the dangers of “just the one” until I came to SR. It seems so logical that a person can stop drinking for years and should then be able to have a drink, but absolutely not. I’ve never seen this written down anywhere else which is why we should be thankful to posters brave enough to share their stories. My new girlfriend is a nurse on a gastro ward, and I didn’t realise this includes patients with alcohol-related liver problems (I’m under no illusions that would’ve been me by about age 55). Some of them are only in their late twenties! Despite this and knowing my history, even she (a very occasional drinker) doesn’t really understand why I can’t drink. It’s more her problem than mine, but I find the general lack of awareness shocking.

joe801

Many people don't understand the chemical dependency of alcohol because they have never been chemical dependent on alcohol. Getting passed detox and actually giving your brain the ability to process the situation clearly is the key. Alcoholics have little power over alcohol until they quit drinking, then the power role is reversed. The power role is once again flipped if you drink, you're giving power away once again.

I don't believe the majority of alcoholics want the health and mental effects, don't want to drink gallons of beer per week, dig through the trash for particle empties if they're running low because the withdrawal is starting to kick in and then anxiety makes them a nervous wreck going to buy more. Viscous and ugly cycle.

Good thread hopefully this helps many people go forward.

Carlotta

One thing which really helped me a LOT when I quit drinking was changing my route back from work. I worked night and I would stop at a convenience store and get some beer on my way home then proceed to slug them before basically passing out. When I quit, I made a mindful point of getting out at the next station so I would not pass that store on my way home. Sometimes, just changing a small habit can really make a bit difference. I also started going to a different store when I needed milk or cigarettes.

What prompted this was that very early in recovery, I went to get some smokes and found myself in the alcohol aisle ready to grab and pay for one and it was like I had no idea how I ended up there even though I was totally sober. It freaked me a out a bit and I remember sharing about it here. After that I really made a conscious decision to be more mindful and change a few things here and there to be on the safe side.

Hodd

Hi Carlotta, some of the early on methods I’ve heard about are very creative such as putting credit cards in ice, getting into nightclothes (to prevent leaving the house) or the more common energy drink or ice cream trick. Whatever works works. I remember guzzling down an unpleasant energy drink at an airport as I was caught by a trigger early on in sobriety. I’ve not touched energy drinks since. These should be short term fixes, though, to get us through the early weeks or months or in times of “need” like the airport experience I had. The bigger factor is lifestyle changes. That’s where we find most success stories. Sounds like you’ve cracked it 🙂

Cityboy

A huge help to me in that very early stage was to stop at McDonald's for a $1 tea on the way home instead of hitting the beer cave.

Discussion with other drinkers is always based on damaging falsehoods. We would believe in the myth of moderation despite failure with every single attempt for decades. We would believe that drinking had health benefits despite being half sick 24/7. We would believe that it relieved social anxiety and made us more personable despite the shame and guilt that came from the ridiculous things routinely done and said that pushed away genuine friendships. Only when I was finally ready for the truth, and then found SR, did facts begin to fall into place. Now, though, I can see drinkers who are still living by those old falsehoods and remember when I did the same.

RunnerF

Cityboy I can relate to all those thoughts. In addition alcohol is presented as tasting “good” but actually it doesn’t. It has to be masked in all kinds of flavors until it gets you hooked. Then you dispense with the great taste to get the highest ABV so it gives you the quickest results. Was thinking about that yesterday at the brewery when I was the only one in the group,along with my 32 year old son, not drinking. I used to peruse the beer list for the highest ABV then pretend it tasted best. Glad didn’t have to do that yesterday. Had a lemonade that was truly tasty and I don’t even know when the last time I had one.

This is a great thread to keep fresh as I am sure just about everyone here can relate.

RunnerF

Traveling but keeping thread fresh. In the past would have been hungover on the 18 hour drive and white knuckling half the way. Then would have bought beer to chug in room upon arrival. Glad that’s not this time.

Hodd

It’s shocking, Runner, that hangovers become the norm. I have so many memories of snapping at people at work or wherever because I felt so rough. I still can’t understand my logic back then. I knew I’d wake up with a hangover that’d last until noon and yet I still drank a crazy amount. Bizarrely I quite like it now if I overeat or sleep badly and wake up with what I call a phantom hangover. I know it’ll be gone within 30 minutes and it serves as a reminder of the bad times.

DriGuy

I used to have those same thoughts. But it only seemed like it wasn't logical. When addiction enters the picture, you need alcohol, and you need it desperately. That's what causes the cravings. I drank to provide my body with the alcohol it demanded, not with the foremost thought in my mind that I was providing for my body's best interests. It just felt like an overwhelming desire to drink in spite of it's adverse affects. Oh, it was a horrible abuse of my body and mind with morning after complications, but it was a normal response to a body's chemistry that had become broken.

That's the way I look at it in retrospect anyway

Hodd

Hangover’s are truly terrible, Dri. If you had such symptoms naturally, you’d probably be seriously ill. I had what was apparently bad Covid last summer - stuck in bed for a week - but I still reckon s hangover was worse!

One of my saving graces was exercise and getting a personal trainer. Some sessions were as early as 7am. I was obese back then and needed every ounce of energy, and even I had the sense to at least limit my alcohol intake the night before.

Zencat

Thats when the body and the conscious mind have two different agendas to fulfill. The logic, rational thinking brain is in direct conflict with what your lizard brain wants. With emotional learning at the top of the survival instinct drive, when that region of the brain gets high-jacked, emotional survival is turned against you. Fight - freeze - run is turned into drink, drink, drink. Fight something drink, get stuck drink, try to runaway drink.

recovery interrupts that cycle by retraining the body with the mind. whereas addiction emotions were running the show now the body can get things moving in the right direction. Act first, do recovery tasks, go to meetings, therapy the point being MOVE your body regardless what a tattered mind wants to do. Just do it! get help if you feel stuck, because stuck is exactly what your addiction needs you to.

joe801

The more I searched hangover it's extraordinary how the body adapts to alcohol. If a true casual couple of drinks per month or a non-drinker even attempted to drink and hold down the amount of alcohol as most daily or extreme drinkers ingest, they would suffer alcohol poisoning and likely death. Basically, all heavy drinkers are alcohol poisoned daily the little adaptations help the body with shock and that ultimately reverses. High tolerance is a badge of dishonor and proof the body and mind have been altered. Most are in a continuous state of alcohol poisoning until they quit. Even a drink or two per night every night.

So yes, I can understand why I felt the extreme psychological and body ailments. A mind-altering drug that affects the mood even down to the literal bone, bone morrow is affected by alcohol.

I saw one guy buying booze at the gas station this afternoon clearly having withdrawal shakes. It's another example of wanting to talk and be helpful, best the drinker brings up the conversation though.