AJ143143

I’m still sober. Yay. Coming up on a month soon. I have had some healing with my breakup as well (on my own. It’s best to not talk to a narcissist about any type of healing)… he’s way too sharp and insensitive to have a normal
”break up talk”… so that’s off the table … still sad. My friends are going out for NYE. I have decided that I am playing it safe and not going. I am doing an intense workout in the day. Then making a goal list … and things I want to let go of in 2023… and going to bed early . Hope everyone has a good and safe NYE

Dee74

Sounds like a prudent plan AJ

D

least

Congrats as you reach your first month sober!

Cityboy

AJ, great to hear that you are coming up on a month. Also good to hear that you have experienced healing. I agree with your assessment of trying to have a sensible discussion with a narcissistic person.

Cityboy

In the first few weeks, I would not have dared to go on some things that had always included drinking. Now, it doesn't faze me.

AJ143143

Thank you everyone It is so funny because while my friends and family have taken notice to me not drinking ... there isn't a single person in my life that thinks I ever even had a problem with it.

No big things that happened out of drinking..... No arrests or bouts without a good career... Still worked out everyday... Ate fairly healthy ( although through my divorce it was spotty on that )... No drinking and driving.... Still have never touched a drug ever.... So I am not so sure people wouldn't try to get me to drink on NYE not understanding why I am where I am at with my relationship to alcohol... I haven't really explained to anyone other than saying it is for weight loss. Now I am kinda getting asked like "You aren't going to drink again ever?! why?" ...I just say because I feel better not drinking

For me it was a slow burn.... I started to realize it when I was about 27 ish ... up until then I had maybe been drunk a handful of times.... Around that time pressure with work started to increase as I got older. At first it was 1 glass of wine after work to wind down with friends ... within 10 years it was a 2-3 glasses at night and sometimes alone.... While I am still unsure if I am an alcoholic I will say that my relationship with alcohol was not what I wanted it to be... And it wasn't what I wanted it to be for the past 3 years ( I am 40 now) So if it wasn't what I wanted it to be and I still kept it that way to me signaled as a huge red flag and a problem and that I needed to just fully quit and stop using it as a crutch. I think it is one of the reasons I relate so well the Elizabeth Vargas story. The news reporter. I feel like it is so similiar to mine in many ways.....

I am saying all of this because until I have more time until my belt I think things like social gatherings where alcohol is flowing ( NYE party) is probably really scary for me because my friends never thought I had any type of problem.... I did well on Thanksgiving ( no drinking) even though everyone else was.... and Christmas I was too sick to even see straight so I was in bed with that high fever ...though I think I would have been ok that day too.... My gut for NYE is to stay put and stay home... One of the things I am learning in my sobriety is to listen to that inner voice.... and my inner voice tells me that this will be a disaster if I go for my sobriety.... just a gut instinct....

zenithboy88

Good post AJ,
although you were a somewhat lighter drinker,
It was still at a damaging level and it would've only gotten worse.
You sound like someone who takes care of themselves.
The alcohol has a negative impact both physically and mentally as you know.
Staying home is a good plan for NYE,
Pop in a good movie or read a good book,
Treat yourself to some nice food or ice cream
Or just go to bed.
It's all good.
Best wishes for the New Year!

fishkiller

Good to see you still on the path!

It does not matter one bit what others think. If you feel alcohol is negatively impacting you then that is what matters.
I just tell people I don't drink anymore.
If they don't like it , well tough.

I had a few bad things happen while drinking, mostly when young and dumb, but kept a career and family together.
It does not mean alcohol wasn't killing me. It was. Slowly and painfully.

Those around me know I drank a lot but they dont know how bad of a place I was in.

Just beware those thoughts that you weren't that bad. Never had trouble, didn't drunk as much as the next guy, etc.
The AV loves those thoughts.

Stick to the alcohol is negatively impacting my life and needs to go. Forever

Cityboy

A couple of comments, just sharing from my personal experience.

There is very little chance of having any kind of informed, productive conversation with friends or family regarding alcohol. It seems very strange. Even of my friends who have quit, there is only one with whom I have good discussions. Most of my friends who still drink don't seem to have the slightest idea as to why I quit, which is very irrational.

I may have been a more serious drinker than you, and for a longer period of time, but when I reflect, I can think of many ways in which I brought detriment to my life with the drinking. The longer I'm sober, the more I can see it.

People are always going to offer you alcohol, even if they know you quit. They think that they are being friendly.

You don't have to explain to others why you quit drinking. Again, people's mentality on the subject is very strange. To me, it is now more a question of why on earth would I want to drink.

You're doing great. Keep it going. Don't worry about what other think.