FDL180922

Hi all

After giving up in September for about eight weeks I fell off the wagon I’m sorry to say.

this year has been very tough. I lost my father in may after a long battle. I really was at my lowest and drunk was making me very depressed. I got in some medication for my depression and have been talking to a psychologist. Things were tough but improved for me and I was starting to feel better. In November my friend was killed and it all slipped. The usual started with a few beers then quickly slipped into a bottle of wine every now night.

I’ve been realising a lot about my AV recently it has a power over me. Drink is making me depressed and not allowing me to overcome my problems. It is leading to poor more choices.

I got complacent last time around and stopped posting here , I realise now I should have stuck around.

today was my day 1 , I am going to try again. I am better than this. Tomorrow I will not drink either

Hevyn

Great post, FDL - I'm so glad you decided to reclaim your life & get free again. Sometimes it takes us a few tries to realize there's no help or comfort in that bottle. Only misery, & an out of control life.

I'm sorry for the losses you've suffered. Your father and your friend would never want to be the cause of you returning to alcohol for 'comfort'. The sadness needs to be dealt with in a healthy way. You sound ready to do this - we know you can! Congrats on Day 1.

Anna

FDL, it's so true that alcohol stops us from dealing with and overcoming our problems. I'm so glad you're back.

FDL180922

Thanks hevyn

you are right they would not want that. And I am ready to do this. I am doing this for me. When I’m being the best me it will be better for the people around me that matter too.

nice long walked planned tomorrow and an early night with a film ☺️

im glad I’m doing this

Purplrks3647

Good to see you FDL! Welcome back!

FDL180922

thanks Anna I’m glad to be back . I overlooked how just reading on this site daily helped. It’s good to talk to people that understand.

Dee74

I'm sorry about your dad and your friend FDL.
that's how opportunistic our addiction is - it will use anything - especially great pain - to callously and ruthlessly get what it wants.

I'm glad you're back with us

D

fishkiller

Sorry for your losses. Life is cruel at times.

Regarding the AV.
It only has as much power as we give it.
Ignore it, starve it. It will always be there but like a dead battery not much power left.

My biggest weapon against the AV is one phrase,
I Do Not Drink Anymore No Matter What

Once I speak those words the AV is but a memory. Completely powerless.

You can do it

biminiblue

Yeah, I agree with fishkiller. That thought of having a drink doesn't really go away completely. It does become a tiny weak powerless whisper, and sometimes in early recovery I would say - out loud - exactly what fishkiller said, "I do not drink. No matter what." That was the best way to shut it up.

FDL180922

Thanks fishkiller and biminblue.

I have dismissed the AV before. Which I now realise is the AV talking. I also am starting to understand my addictive personality through my therapy. Which is a another huge plus.

today I haven’t drank and I will not drink tomorrow no matter what.

thankyou

Delilah1

I’m sorry for all of your losses. I am glad you are back, and the new year is the perfect time for a reset. You’ve got this!

Alpine

FDL, so sorry for your loss, I completely understand as I have had several this year and know the power the av can have. I had to realize the av is full of lies and provides nothing but more pain and those issues/challenges will still be there after I sober up. Keep your focus, you CAN do this. For me I had to take drinking off the table..no moderation at all. I wish you the very best.

FDL180922

thanks Delilah - feeling good. I can do this , one day at a time. Trying not to put previous lapses down to failure and view it more as experience.

FDL180922

sorry for your losses to alpine - life can be very cruel. You’re 100% correct it doesn’t make the pain go away. Only I can do that by being sober and the best me. I can do this !

Thank you for your support