DriGuy

How are you going to stop not caring? This one can use some serious thought. But it may or may not be the issue. I remember indirectly confronting that possibility at the same time I embraced my power of choice. I didn't set up a specific strategy for not caring anymore, because I didn't anticipate that particular issue, but I was deathly afraid of the unknown, those triggers that I could not anticipate, or worse yet couldn't even imagine. There might be some trigger lurking out there that I wasn't ready for. I realized that my power of choice gave me one power against it all. All I really needed to do was focus on one thing: Choose not to take that drink, and then what I felt, didn't feel, thought, rationalized, or believed made no difference anymore. I don't know how much of a role that played for sure, although I assumed it was one of the ultimate roles, but one thing that I actually experienced from then on was that I no longer feared my unknowns. They became irrelevant. That was a dramatic perception shift.

It was similar to your concern about not caring anymore, but for me it was more that I didn't have to worry anymore. My bases were covered. I hope you can use something there. If not, you should address this not caring thing some other way, because it sounds like a killer to me.

silentrun

Wow! I've never heard that but it rings new true for me, the wall.
scale that wall to freedom Worried.

Farrier

The "wall" is real. The only way I make it over that wall is focusing on today only.

Worried14

Yes, I've been thinking about it today. Maybe the not caring came after drinking. I think I find it difficult to know just what I am feeling before drinking and why. I mean it's hard to identify what I'm feeling right now. Partly I have hope but mostly I'm feeling very very anxious and can't shake it off, I'll have to wait for the alcohol to get through the system a bit more. Usually there are several things going on at once. Anyway, I need to work on it.

Thanks silentrun and farrier. I've been reading up on that today too. Think I've read something about it before but didn't realise it was called the wall. The name helps to identify it.

DriGuy

This makes a lot of sense to me. I had access to free counseling back in college, so I took advantage of it, mostly out of just general interest. I was surprised at how much of my progress revolved around identifying feelings, and how many I had that I was not aware of. I had always assumed I knew what I was feeling. After all how hard can that be? Oh my! Was that a learning experience! Some people are probably better at it, and can focus their attention on other growth tools. For me, it was mostly about sorting out feelings. When I got good at it, I figured I had the world by the tail, which turned out to be another great misconception on my part. Just understanding your feelings, or understanding yourself doesn't solve all our problems, and I didn't learn that until years later.

This is why I stress the importance of behavior change, almost to the extent that I fear being a bore, and this shouldn't be big news, as there are many recovery programs, one of the best being Rational Recovery, that revolve around behavior therapy, rather than the more common humanistic approaches where you talk about your feelings. Behavior therapy is well adapted to treating addictions, because with addictions, behavior change plays a bigger role than self understanding. Think about it. You have to change that behavior to find your way out of addiction. Doesn't that qualify as the "Well, Duh??" insight of the year?

Even in everyday life situations, behavior change becomes a short cut to years of psycho dynamic talk therapy. Short cut, doesn't mean it's easier, just more direct, but both approaches in therapy eventually lead to self understanding as one of the end results. Personally, I gained a lot more understanding about my alcoholism after I got sober than before when I was trying to think my way out of my problem.

Every time an unrecognized feeling bubbled up from my subconscious in therapy, it was preceded by anxiety, sometimes frighteningly intense, but once the feeling was understood, it was without exception an emotional high. I used to wonder what the anxiety was about when the outcome was always so very positive. Fear of the unknown, I guess.

In summary, focus on your behavior, that's where the problem is, especially with addiction. Putting your life back together comes later, for me anyway. Others disagree, but we all get to decide our own path to better emotional health.

TiredCarpenter

Yep.

We each deserve a better life than the one that alcohol use offers.

Keep posting Worried.

Glad you’re back!

Hodd

So true.

To stop drinking after years or decades requires changing a load of other stuff too. Let’s say those who flop out in front of the TV with a six pack of beer after work; they need to cut out/down the TV time too. TV’s boring anyway. Stopping drinking is a big lifestyle change. You’re going to have to put plenty of friends straight and start telling people you no longer drink. The only reaction is likely to be jealousy.

Keep posting, Worried

AL48

Stopping drinking is a big lifestyle change. You’re going to have to put plenty of friends straight and start telling people you no longer drink.

Never a truer word said Hodd. A complete life change. You will lose some people but gain more who actually have something real in common with you. Its so much better or you in the long run.

Worried14

You're not a bore DriGuy - or at least if you were it's because you're saying truths that I don't want to hear. I'm so glad you've said this because I'm seeing that you're very right in that. You've been a big help to me, thankyou! Behaviour change is hard but the first step is recognising once and for all that it is very necessary for recovery.

Thanks TC, good to see you doing well, and thanks for posting

"You’re going to have to put plenty of friends straight and start telling people you no longer drink." Lol, no problem there Hodd, I don't have plenty of friends. It used to be a bit of a joke if I was out shopping etc and had one of my sons with me and I'd pass someone and say hello or stop for a chat and my son would say "who's that?... no, don't tell me... AA". They were the only people I knew. I still see one or two very occasionally. The only people I have anything to do with are my husband, my sons and my grandchildren and the adults know my problem full well and there's no way they'd offer me drink. It's quite enough for me too, the grandkids take up alot of time and energy and I like to spend the rest of my time alone. Though of course I talk to and pass time with the grownups as well.

Hi AL48, yes, "a complete life change" plenty of other changes I need to make too.

Thanks everyone

Zencat

Hi Worried

In addiction emotions drive behavior. You get an urge (emotion) that drive the cortex's {your addiction hijacked brain) to change your behavior to drug seeking into drug taking, With recovery you push yourself hard and harder through all the tough, hard, difficult emotional states that cause you to stagnate in place and not recover. Then the good emotions follow and not precede an action first. Move the body and the better mood will catch up. Repetition of recovery actions will help the mood come along with getting to know some recovery tool's very well .Recovery is an action game despite having a despicable mood or hardcore resistance. Drag your low mood into action. No other way out of me thinks,

Worried14

Thanks Zencat . I'll be using that in my recovery