Tinkerbeau

Hi everyone having a tough day today. No desire to drink but i feel so very lonely, spent all day wanting to text the person i dated in summer. I know that would be a bad move as he made me feel worthless and was trigger for relapse, we parted on extremly bad terms. I'm sure he was narcissist but I'm doubting myself thinking maybe i came on too strong asking to be exclusive after 3 months ? And maybe I didn't try hard enough ? I just dont know why I wasn't good enough for him.
I guess I'm just feeling low and been a single parent for 10 years, i really thought I was going to get some happiness with him as I'd worked so hard on myself, but it still wasn't enough and now i just don't think anyone will want me, and maybe trying to contact him would be better than having no one.

Anna

Hi Tink, Your decision to not contact the ex is for the best, in my opinion. I suspect that your breakup was not at all about you not being good enough, but rather it was about him. Maybe the timing wasn't right for him, maybe he is a narcissist and didn't want to deal with an exclusive relationship. Maybe he thought he wasn't good enough for you. Who knows? But, the worse thing you can do is to believe the story your mind is telling you, that you weren't good enough. He made you feel worthless and that's horrible. I'm glad you came here and posted rather than contacting him. You deserve so much better and, even if it doesn't feel like it, the right person will come along at the right time. (((Tinker)))

Tinkerbeau

Thank you Anna

Dee74

If was me I would move on. That relationship was damaging to you and your recovery.
It might seem you'll never find another partner, but I don't believe that

D

Steely

I hope you didn't contact him Tink. You're worth so much more. Totally good enough.

Any person who makes you feel bad about yourself is toxic to greater or lesser degree. Whatever. Best to stay away and start realising how worthwhile you really are.

Hey, who cares about Mr Right, at any rate? 😂

He was a jerk if you ask me. Lol

SoberLeigh

Stay strong, Tink; nothing in your post seems to say that contacting your vex would be a good thing.

There is goodness ahead in your life; keep moving into it.

AJ143143

Hi don’t contact him. I was in your same position not that long ago. I’m going to PM you in a few hours when I get to my computer there is a lot I learned and read that really really helped me … sending it to you tonight

joe801

Sometimes a fresh relationship is better than trying to revive an old relationship.

If you or anyone reading ever feels to down in the dumps, it can be anything from sobriety, recovery, relationships, go look yourself in the eye at a mirror and tell yourself that you love you and are worth more (verbally full eye contact.)

Khorhey

Going back to old relationships is usually a bad idea. There are reasons you are not together anymore. Now if it’s a short term breakup like a few weeks that’s different.

Asking to be exclusive after 3 months is reasonable. So don’t worry about that.

Tinkerbeau

Thank you everyone for your kind and helpful replies. Im going to re read them anytime I feel that way again. I didn't contact him, and it's a fresh new day so really going to try and move forward.

Stewy1984

Hey 🙂 You mentioned you did a lot of work on yourself, this isn't in vain. You deserve only the best that someone can give you now and no less....

Acknowledge how that person made you feel, mourn the loss if that's what you consider it to be and then continue to be your version 2.0 which will likely be accompanied by new people better suited to you in the future 🙂

Tinkerbeau

Thanks Stewy

MythOfSisyphus

I don't think being with someone that makes you miserable is better than being lonely. Work on you first, no one else will make you happy, you have to do that yourself. Once you're happy with yourself, maybe you'll find the right guy. Maybe you won't but investing in yourself is always a wise investment.

fishkiller

What everyone else said.
You deserve better than that.
Glad you feel better today.
Someone will come into your life that is worth being with you. You can't find that person if you are stuck with someone who isn't worth you.

Tinkerbeau

Thanks again everyone, all your comments have really helped.