Why do we even bother?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Why do we even bother?
It's incredible that we made it beyond our 20s. We get it, we KNOW. Why do we not just ROPE? Because we know all the knots. And I hold the poison that makes it all fairly easy. Plus I could just throw myself off Beachy Head, anyway. And how poetic would that be? Just drop 400ft and enjoy the freedom that's enough... It's too much, man.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
I guess Santa didn't come then?
Sorry you are feeling like this. As you say there is always something that stops us. Maybe it is hope that things just might get better.
A few years ago I was so close. I had written out care plans for my dogs and they were my concern if I were gone. I called the crisis team, no help. I think in that instance I lost my nerve.
The fact that you have posted is good. What is going on?
Sorry you are feeling like this. As you say there is always something that stops us. Maybe it is hope that things just might get better.
A few years ago I was so close. I had written out care plans for my dogs and they were my concern if I were gone. I called the crisis team, no help. I think in that instance I lost my nerve.
The fact that you have posted is good. What is going on?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I remember when it seemed my two choices were dying slowly or dying quickly.
It took me a few years to realise that were people, people like me, as 'bad' as me who'd stopped drinking and their life was immeasurably better for it.
When drinking brings you to despair the only really viable choice is to stop drinking, Tetrax.
If you need help please call one of these numbers or visit these websites.
There are numbers you can call:
CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.
Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
or email: [email protected] *
or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.
Samaritans Call 116 123 (free to call)
These and other avenues of help are available here, man
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide/
D
It took me a few years to realise that were people, people like me, as 'bad' as me who'd stopped drinking and their life was immeasurably better for it.
When drinking brings you to despair the only really viable choice is to stop drinking, Tetrax.
If you need help please call one of these numbers or visit these websites.
There are numbers you can call:
CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.
Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
or email: [email protected] *
or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.
Samaritans Call 116 123 (free to call)
These and other avenues of help are available here, man
https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide/
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Yes, what's going on Tet?
I've been there too my friend, and now in sobriety I know why I bothered. It's because the promises are finally coming true, even if life still sucks, sometimes.
They'll come true for you too Tet. You just got to believe in yourself. And I have a very deep suspicion that you do. You know there is better. Screw Beachy Head.
How's the housing situation?
Keep posting Tet.
I've been there too my friend, and now in sobriety I know why I bothered. It's because the promises are finally coming true, even if life still sucks, sometimes.
They'll come true for you too Tet. You just got to believe in yourself. And I have a very deep suspicion that you do. You know there is better. Screw Beachy Head.
How's the housing situation?
Keep posting Tet.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Its hard to imagine when you are in throws of it all, but this too could pass. Crazy how alcohol makes us feel like we have no control, no life, we dont matter but we do, you do.
You matter to us.
I really hope you will find some way to feel better.
You matter to us.
I really hope you will find some way to feel better.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 743
I've put lots of thought into stuff like this. I get so into the daydream of doing something like this. I imagine just falling back and letting go. When I can I feel myself at the point of no return I feel an oh sh.... what I have done, electrical shock type feeling lift me off the couch or bed or whatever. Many mornings fantasizing about death was my first thought. This didn't magically go away by removing the alcohol.
At one point I thought about how wonderful it would be to do this on a cold NYE off a bridge in front of one the largest cities in America. The medical examiners get to see much more. They get to see the tape actually played foward. Many Survivors recall feeling absolutely terrified once they hit the point of no return. This was a mistake. This is followed by the most incredible pain. This can be on a level with some form of medieval torture. Many times the victim hits the water so hard it can break almost or pretty much every bone in the body. Leaving a conscious mind inside a literal bag of bones. A survivor may have a new set of problems, like how to regain the ability to walk. Its easy to forget to be grateful for things like the ability to walk.
Its not only the pain from all the broken bones. The factor of almost literally freezing cold water i guess that's not a big deal at this point. Not only might the ability to walk be gone but its likely the victim doesn't have the ability to swim either. Many times the cause of death is drowning.
I just had to accept that I am not in control of things and the day to day results of my life are just not that important. I may be a failure but guess what, nobody cares. If they did nobody cares because they just aren't that important either. I look up at a random star in the sky and its just not that important. Nobody thinks that star is a loser. Nobody really cares about that star. It does have a purpose though. It's a small, seemingly irrelevant part of the sky but its a part of it. Without this collection of irrelevant stars we don't have the night sky as we know it. Maybe it guided ancient sailors or is something for astronomers and scientists to study. What we need to figure is our own purpose. This World was not created for us to see how much pleasure we can wrestle out of. Being at peace with it might be the most pleasure we can possibly get out of it. First we have to learn that we don't control it and we have to trust something greater than ourselves. We have no choice, our thinking , door number 1 a medieval type of torture. I will take door number 2, God's will for me, trust in it, carrying out my stupid, simple purposes and finding some moments of peace with myself and this World.
Sobriety isn't going to be some state of Nirvana for the rest of our lives. We can get long stretches of time that we feel pretty good, mostly at peace with the World, and consistently.
At one point I thought about how wonderful it would be to do this on a cold NYE off a bridge in front of one the largest cities in America. The medical examiners get to see much more. They get to see the tape actually played foward. Many Survivors recall feeling absolutely terrified once they hit the point of no return. This was a mistake. This is followed by the most incredible pain. This can be on a level with some form of medieval torture. Many times the victim hits the water so hard it can break almost or pretty much every bone in the body. Leaving a conscious mind inside a literal bag of bones. A survivor may have a new set of problems, like how to regain the ability to walk. Its easy to forget to be grateful for things like the ability to walk.
Its not only the pain from all the broken bones. The factor of almost literally freezing cold water i guess that's not a big deal at this point. Not only might the ability to walk be gone but its likely the victim doesn't have the ability to swim either. Many times the cause of death is drowning.
I just had to accept that I am not in control of things and the day to day results of my life are just not that important. I may be a failure but guess what, nobody cares. If they did nobody cares because they just aren't that important either. I look up at a random star in the sky and its just not that important. Nobody thinks that star is a loser. Nobody really cares about that star. It does have a purpose though. It's a small, seemingly irrelevant part of the sky but its a part of it. Without this collection of irrelevant stars we don't have the night sky as we know it. Maybe it guided ancient sailors or is something for astronomers and scientists to study. What we need to figure is our own purpose. This World was not created for us to see how much pleasure we can wrestle out of. Being at peace with it might be the most pleasure we can possibly get out of it. First we have to learn that we don't control it and we have to trust something greater than ourselves. We have no choice, our thinking , door number 1 a medieval type of torture. I will take door number 2, God's will for me, trust in it, carrying out my stupid, simple purposes and finding some moments of peace with myself and this World.
Sobriety isn't going to be some state of Nirvana for the rest of our lives. We can get long stretches of time that we feel pretty good, mostly at peace with the World, and consistently.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2021
Posts: 12,476
Oh my gosh Tet, I have felt that way too and it is not a fun way to be. I had a few different plans and I don't want to go into details for fear of triggering someone. My thoughts are with you and will be. I got your back. Feel free to PM me if you just need an ear.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
I think we bother because we are wired to survive no matter what. Instinct. Keeps the species going.
Should we bother?
At times it seems pointless. To live for the sake of living. That's not what life is about.
Life is about LIVING. Basking in the miracle of everything around us. You can get there man. Just like sobriety though you've got to Want it. Times like these you've got to want it badly.
The Universe has been kicking you around for a while now. Its your turn. Get up and kick its ass.
There are times, often actually, that I am at war with the universe. It tries to kill me but I ain't gonna let it. I'm gonna kick its ass.
Not the other way around.
There is a life worth living for you put there. Gear up and go hunting for it.
Merry Christmas my friend.
Should we bother?
At times it seems pointless. To live for the sake of living. That's not what life is about.
Life is about LIVING. Basking in the miracle of everything around us. You can get there man. Just like sobriety though you've got to Want it. Times like these you've got to want it badly.
The Universe has been kicking you around for a while now. Its your turn. Get up and kick its ass.
There are times, often actually, that I am at war with the universe. It tries to kill me but I ain't gonna let it. I'm gonna kick its ass.
Not the other way around.
There is a life worth living for you put there. Gear up and go hunting for it.
Merry Christmas my friend.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Why do I botherTetrax? Because I suffered hard in addiction and with behavioural disorders causing havoc in my life. To combat the lingering symptoms in my sobriety I delve into recovery plan of action for help. Just putting the drink down and carrying on as nothing happened would kill me as a sober person.
Alcohol symptoms that persist in recovery are;
Anger
Depression
Restlessness.
And what I see in your post looks alot like suicide idolization to me. That's the work of the AV Very dangerous stuff.
Ask yourself: do I need to do more for my wellness.
Keep posting, explore all the different methods of recovery plans or tips that people use here to get and staywell here at SR.
We are here for you every step of the the way. lean on use when you need a hand. You can and will have wellness in your .
You will recover
Alcohol symptoms that persist in recovery are;
Anger
Depression
Restlessness.
And what I see in your post looks alot like suicide idolization to me. That's the work of the AV Very dangerous stuff.
Ask yourself: do I need to do more for my wellness.
Keep posting, explore all the different methods of recovery plans or tips that people use here to get and staywell here at SR.
We are here for you every step of the the way. lean on use when you need a hand. You can and will have wellness in your .
You will recover
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Sometimes it feels hard to keep going. I have a natural tendency to view pain as a burden, and burdens tend to make you tired. I try (not always successfully!) now to view pain as preparation rather than punishment. It's a tool used to prepare me for greater joy. Pain won't last forever unless I refuse to be prepared or decide to stop walking altogether.
Death is poetic, but life is MUCH more so. Gibran poetically implies that the ennui of life weariness and the drudge of labor can be combatted by desire (urge) which prompts learning (knowledge) that motivates action (work) so as to cultivate love. He wrote:
"But if you in your pain call birth an affliction and the support of the flesh
a curse written upon your brow, then I answer that naught but the sweat of
your brow shall wash away that which is written.
You have been told also that life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo
what was said by the weary.
And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love;
And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God."
-Khalil Gibran, The Prophet - https://medium.com/the-prophet-by-ka...t-1e5027e11e23
What do you desire, Tetrax?
What do you wish to know?
How can you put the knowledge in action?
How will that action connect you to your higher self, others, and a power beyond understanding?
For me, life was an affliction from which I desired to escape (to differing degrees) until I came to believe that I was LOVED and INTENDED. That love was in me, through me, the root of me. I deserved and was intended to receive love. Periodic glimpses, whispers, of that self-love now motivate me to make effort and expand my understanding, and they have dramatically altered my natural urges.
For me, the urge to use is now gone. The urge to give up is now gone. The urge to escape or abandon ship is gone. Now I bother because each day holds promise and beauty and preparation for more joy. There is relief to the ennui that has been my life's constant companion.
It's so hard to see this when you are in the midst of pain, but it remains true to my experience.
Don't stop walking, Tet.
-TC
Death is poetic, but life is MUCH more so. Gibran poetically implies that the ennui of life weariness and the drudge of labor can be combatted by desire (urge) which prompts learning (knowledge) that motivates action (work) so as to cultivate love. He wrote:
"But if you in your pain call birth an affliction and the support of the flesh
a curse written upon your brow, then I answer that naught but the sweat of
your brow shall wash away that which is written.
You have been told also that life is darkness, and in your weariness you echo
what was said by the weary.
And I say that life is indeed darkness save when there is urge,
And all urge is blind save when there is knowledge,
And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,
And all work is empty save when there is love;
And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself, and to one another, and to God."
-Khalil Gibran, The Prophet - https://medium.com/the-prophet-by-ka...t-1e5027e11e23
What do you desire, Tetrax?
What do you wish to know?
How can you put the knowledge in action?
How will that action connect you to your higher self, others, and a power beyond understanding?
For me, life was an affliction from which I desired to escape (to differing degrees) until I came to believe that I was LOVED and INTENDED. That love was in me, through me, the root of me. I deserved and was intended to receive love. Periodic glimpses, whispers, of that self-love now motivate me to make effort and expand my understanding, and they have dramatically altered my natural urges.
For me, the urge to use is now gone. The urge to give up is now gone. The urge to escape or abandon ship is gone. Now I bother because each day holds promise and beauty and preparation for more joy. There is relief to the ennui that has been my life's constant companion.
It's so hard to see this when you are in the midst of pain, but it remains true to my experience.
Don't stop walking, Tet.
-TC
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Hi Tet, you’ve come through a lot this year, and I’m guessing the Xmas FOMO and hype is playing its part right now. You will get through this. You’ve got a lot more to offer. Look at some of the stories of inspiration here on SR. All the best for now, Tet.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Tetrax, we are more than willing to continue to love you. We see the good in you. We also know the pain you are in and the battle you are facing. But until you realize that you are deserving not only of our love, but your love as well, nothing will change.
We will love until you can love yourself.
At this point you don't treat yourself in a loving manner. Far from it. In fact, I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you treat yourself.
Make this the Christmas you start to love yourself.
We all know you are worth it. There can't be that many of us that are wrong!
We will love until you can love yourself.
At this point you don't treat yourself in a loving manner. Far from it. In fact, I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way you treat yourself.
Make this the Christmas you start to love yourself.
We all know you are worth it. There can't be that many of us that are wrong!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Few poems are written after suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Terminal uniqueness is ironically common to all of us. The millions of us in successful recovery have all been there. And we thank god that we were given the chance to change the things we could.
Namaste
Namaste
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