Seeking help for my brother
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Seeking help for my brother
So ive never done this before so please, i apologize in advance for any misconceptions. One of my brothers is a drug addict. What once was a goofy, always laughing, caring being, is now rock bottom. i understand that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to think to yourself," its that time to stop"He always asks me for money but i refuse because i know what its really for. Ive told him to call his mom (were half brothers, same dad) because i know she would always help him. Its now to a time where he has nowhere to go. My dad wont help him, my other siblings could care less. Id take him in a heartbeat, but he has stolen from me multiple times and i have my own family to take care of. To my family, hes "the drug addict who steals and causes trouble" but not to me. The last thing i want is for him to feel neglected which is the reason i check up on him everyday and am now seeking help. I dont know what to do, ive searched how much rehab would be and the range is from 10,000 to 30,000 a month according to research. Any programs i should look into? any information will help, i just need a direction please.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi frvalencia 
it would be wonderful if we could love somebody into recovery, but most of the people here can tell you that that’s not how it works.
Recovery only works if the addict concerned really wants to stop and is prepared to act to make that happen.
Any kind of recovery that’s forced or imposed on your brother, no matter how loving the intent, is probably not going to last very long unless he himself really wants to change…
Its not all bad news tho – lasting recovery happens to all kinds of people every day,and you’ve found a site that is full of support for you, and people like you.
welcome aboard
D
it would be wonderful if we could love somebody into recovery, but most of the people here can tell you that that’s not how it works.
Recovery only works if the addict concerned really wants to stop and is prepared to act to make that happen.
Any kind of recovery that’s forced or imposed on your brother, no matter how loving the intent, is probably not going to last very long unless he himself really wants to change…
Its not all bad news tho – lasting recovery happens to all kinds of people every day,and you’ve found a site that is full of support for you, and people like you.
welcome aboard
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
@Dee74 Thank you, i know in the end its all up to him for his own change, it just hurts to see him like this. I do agree 100% that it should not be forced.i just wanted to be able to provide the infromation to him incase he ever did decide it was time for change. Thats what i wanted whenever i had a problem. and as for this site, i think its fantastic, love how everyone is so supportive
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,868
Hi Frvalencia, welcome on SR
As Dee said, your brother must want a change to start any healing process, nothing will work without this first step.
You say he hit a rock bottom which is often a good starting point to move towards sobriety.
At this point, I would suggest accompanying him to a 12 steps meeting AA, CA or NA (depending on the substance he uses)
These meetings are free of cost and could ignite the small spark towards a journey away from drugs.
Come back to see us, you will find a lot of support on SR.
Courage for the future
As Dee said, your brother must want a change to start any healing process, nothing will work without this first step.
You say he hit a rock bottom which is often a good starting point to move towards sobriety.
At this point, I would suggest accompanying him to a 12 steps meeting AA, CA or NA (depending on the substance he uses)
These meetings are free of cost and could ignite the small spark towards a journey away from drugs.
Come back to see us, you will find a lot of support on SR.
Courage for the future
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Canadian Koala 
Hi Frvalencia, welcome on SR
As Dee said, your brother must want a change to start any healing process, nothing will work without this first step.
You say he hit a rock bottom which is often a good starting point to move towards sobriety.
At this point, I would suggest accompanying him to a 12 steps meeting AA, CA or NA (depending on the substance he uses)
These meetings are free of cost and could ignite the small spark towards a journey away from drugs.
Come back to see us, you will find a lot of support on SR.
Courage for the future
As Dee said, your brother must want a change to start any healing process, nothing will work without this first step.
You say he hit a rock bottom which is often a good starting point to move towards sobriety.
At this point, I would suggest accompanying him to a 12 steps meeting AA, CA or NA (depending on the substance he uses)
These meetings are free of cost and could ignite the small spark towards a journey away from drugs.
Come back to see us, you will find a lot of support on SR.
Courage for the future
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome to SR, frvalencia. I am so sorry for what brings you here.
I find myself on both sides of the alcoholism/addiction issue being, myself, an alcoholic in recovery and the mother of an alcoholic; I would turn myself upside down, inside out and submit myself to torture if it would help my child but recovery must be the decision of the alcoholic/addict.
As CanadianKoala mentioned, we can help ignite a spark/plant a seed. Offering to attend a meeting would reflect your openness to provide support without opening the doors to your home.
Take heart; as Dee said, sobriety/cleanliness/recovery ARE possible. So many people here are proof of that. In real life, I have two friends with sons with severe addiction issues; both young men (now in their late 20s, early 30s) are now solidly living a clean life. Alcoholism is rampant within my family but my sister and I are now both ‘solidly sober’ and loving life in Recovery. There is real hope for your brother.
I find myself on both sides of the alcoholism/addiction issue being, myself, an alcoholic in recovery and the mother of an alcoholic; I would turn myself upside down, inside out and submit myself to torture if it would help my child but recovery must be the decision of the alcoholic/addict.
As CanadianKoala mentioned, we can help ignite a spark/plant a seed. Offering to attend a meeting would reflect your openness to provide support without opening the doors to your home.
Take heart; as Dee said, sobriety/cleanliness/recovery ARE possible. So many people here are proof of that. In real life, I have two friends with sons with severe addiction issues; both young men (now in their late 20s, early 30s) are now solidly living a clean life. Alcoholism is rampant within my family but my sister and I are now both ‘solidly sober’ and loving life in Recovery. There is real hope for your brother.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 29
Hi FRV,
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I lost my brother to heroin in January 2016 so I've walked in your shoes my friend. Like your sibling, my bro was intelligent (degree in chemistry), witty, charming and above all my best friend and soul mate. There was only 18 months between us ( he was the elder) and we did everything together. What can I say, I just couldn't get him off the stuff. I went to every service going to get help for him, managed to get him sectioned, got him onto a methadone programme, - you name it, I did it.
He was found dead with a needle in his arm in Jan 2016. It broke me and was a huge contributing factor to my own demise into addiction (alcohol).
You have to be strong and talk with him as honestly as much as is possible, regarding his intentions. Dee has summed it up better than I can.
If you do everything you can to help him and it doesn't work out then you'll be safe in the knowledge that you couldn't have done more should it rend in tragedy.
My heart goes out to you buddy. It was harder for me watching my bro's demise than my own downfall, at least I could do something about mine.
Find out his intentions. If he wants to kick he's halfway there, he just has to put in the hard work and with a brother like you, he's lucky. Stand by him whatever it takes, as one day you and the rest of the family may have to live with it. I hope to God you can get him sorted. I'm at the end of a PM anytime,
good luck to both of you.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I lost my brother to heroin in January 2016 so I've walked in your shoes my friend. Like your sibling, my bro was intelligent (degree in chemistry), witty, charming and above all my best friend and soul mate. There was only 18 months between us ( he was the elder) and we did everything together. What can I say, I just couldn't get him off the stuff. I went to every service going to get help for him, managed to get him sectioned, got him onto a methadone programme, - you name it, I did it.
He was found dead with a needle in his arm in Jan 2016. It broke me and was a huge contributing factor to my own demise into addiction (alcohol).
You have to be strong and talk with him as honestly as much as is possible, regarding his intentions. Dee has summed it up better than I can.
If you do everything you can to help him and it doesn't work out then you'll be safe in the knowledge that you couldn't have done more should it rend in tragedy.
My heart goes out to you buddy. It was harder for me watching my bro's demise than my own downfall, at least I could do something about mine.
Find out his intentions. If he wants to kick he's halfway there, he just has to put in the hard work and with a brother like you, he's lucky. Stand by him whatever it takes, as one day you and the rest of the family may have to live with it. I hope to God you can get him sorted. I'm at the end of a PM anytime,
good luck to both of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by zenithboy88
Welcome frval,
. You might find the family and friends forum useful.
You will find a lot of other concerned family members there.
. You might find the family and friends forum useful.
You will find a lot of other concerned family members there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Welcome to SR, frvalencia. I am so sorry for what brings you here.
I find myself on both sides of the alcoholism/addiction issue being, myself, an alcoholic in recovery and the mother of an alcoholic; I would turn myself upside down, inside out and submit myself to torture if it would help my child but recovery must be the decision of the alcoholic/addict.
As CanadianKoala mentioned, we can help ignite a spark/plant a seed. Offering to attend a meeting would reflect your openness to provide support without opening the doors to your home.
Take heart; as Dee said, sobriety/cleanliness/recovery ARE possible. So many people here are proof of that. In real life, I have two friends with sons with severe addiction issues; both young men (now in their late 20s, early 30s) are now solidly living a clean life. Alcoholism is rampant within my family but my sister and I are now both ‘solidly sober’ and loving life in Recovery. There is real hope for your brother.
I find myself on both sides of the alcoholism/addiction issue being, myself, an alcoholic in recovery and the mother of an alcoholic; I would turn myself upside down, inside out and submit myself to torture if it would help my child but recovery must be the decision of the alcoholic/addict.
As CanadianKoala mentioned, we can help ignite a spark/plant a seed. Offering to attend a meeting would reflect your openness to provide support without opening the doors to your home.
Take heart; as Dee said, sobriety/cleanliness/recovery ARE possible. So many people here are proof of that. In real life, I have two friends with sons with severe addiction issues; both young men (now in their late 20s, early 30s) are now solidly living a clean life. Alcoholism is rampant within my family but my sister and I are now both ‘solidly sober’ and loving life in Recovery. There is real hope for your brother.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by kes2
Hi FRV,
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I lost my brother to heroin in January 2016 so I've walked in your shoes my friend. Like your sibling, my bro was intelligent (degree in chemistry), witty, charming and above all my best friend and soul mate. There was only 18 months between us ( he was the elder) and we did everything together. What can I say, I just couldn't get him off the stuff. I went to every service going to get help for him, managed to get him sectioned, got him onto a methadone programme, - you name it, I did it.
He was found dead with a needle in his arm in Jan 2016. It broke me and was a huge contributing factor to my own demise into addiction (alcohol).
You have to be strong and talk with him as honestly as much as is possible, regarding his intentions. Dee has summed it up better than I can.
If you do everything you can to help him and it doesn't work out then you'll be safe in the knowledge that you couldn't have done more should it rend in tragedy.
My heart goes out to you buddy. It was harder for me watching my bro's demise than my own downfall, at least I could do something about mine.
Find out his intentions. If he wants to kick he's halfway there, he just has to put in the hard work and with a brother like you, he's lucky. Stand by him whatever it takes, as one day you and the rest of the family may have to live with it. I hope to God you can get him sorted. I'm at the end of a PM anytime,
good luck to both of you.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I lost my brother to heroin in January 2016 so I've walked in your shoes my friend. Like your sibling, my bro was intelligent (degree in chemistry), witty, charming and above all my best friend and soul mate. There was only 18 months between us ( he was the elder) and we did everything together. What can I say, I just couldn't get him off the stuff. I went to every service going to get help for him, managed to get him sectioned, got him onto a methadone programme, - you name it, I did it.
He was found dead with a needle in his arm in Jan 2016. It broke me and was a huge contributing factor to my own demise into addiction (alcohol).
You have to be strong and talk with him as honestly as much as is possible, regarding his intentions. Dee has summed it up better than I can.
If you do everything you can to help him and it doesn't work out then you'll be safe in the knowledge that you couldn't have done more should it rend in tragedy.
My heart goes out to you buddy. It was harder for me watching my bro's demise than my own downfall, at least I could do something about mine.
Find out his intentions. If he wants to kick he's halfway there, he just has to put in the hard work and with a brother like you, he's lucky. Stand by him whatever it takes, as one day you and the rest of the family may have to live with it. I hope to God you can get him sorted. I'm at the end of a PM anytime,
good luck to both of you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2022
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome, I hope your brother decides to seek help for his addiction. Believe that your brother can find the help he needs when he's ready and please be sure to take care of you.
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