Day 1 AGAIN
 

Day 1 today AGAIN. It’s like I get to 2-4 weeks each time. Then I have 1-2 days of having drinks. Then back to 2-4 weeks. I need to get in a program. Do you guys have any suggestions aside from AA? Thank you

There are a lot of very good programmes AJ

The thing is, no matter what programme you use, its still a lot of hard work, especially when it seems like drinking is the only option you have open to you, or you're unwilling to ask for help.

There are so many options besides drinking. Give yourself the gift this Xmas of checking some of these out :)

D

Thank you. I think it was smart recovery that I was thinking of. Signing up for that in the morning. Thank you 🦋

I realized i could not drink in moderation.

Praying, desperation and taking it one day at a time was my starting point.

When I feel alone or crazy in my head, coming to SR to read posts helps me fill in a lot of those devoid times where i would romanticize alcohol. Here those thoughts get replaced with factual evidence, hope and love and support.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness, also, Ive never seen any alcoholic that went back to drinking that came back here to report how great their life was once they started drinking again.

AJ the fact that you are here posting and honest and looking for solutions tells me that you are going to find what you're seeking. Be kind and patient with yourself.

❤️

AJ, I hope and pray that you can find the peace that comes from letting go of alcohol.

Is there some source of anxiety or something that just keeps pulling you back in moments of weakness?

I know recently it was the pain of that breakup. It was like it wouldn’t go away. It would ease up … but come back.

. Thank you :). I feel like I’m going to find it soon

Day 2
 

Feeling depressed and like I let myself down. Not wanting to do anything at all today

I know how you feel. I’ve been recovering from my stupid shenanigans all week. Today is day three for me and today is better. It will get better as long as we don’t drink.

I’m trying not to be ashamed and suffer more than I need to. We picked up our boot straps and put the bottle down. It can only get better from here.

You got this :c043:

Awe thank you :)... Today is day 2 ( well almost 3 for me as well)...

I am ashamed that I drank but I also am much sadder than I thought about this breakup... I have learned through others that know him well that he is a Narcissist ( and I think I kinda had a gut feeling )... He was really good at the "love bombing phase" and I felt really "seen"... when we first broke up it was almost a relief because he was so emotionally abusive the last few weeks but as the "girl power feeling wore off" the hurt and the missing the good times and the sadness came... It is really hard to talk to my friends about it because I feel like a fool because he had another girl within hours staying with him... It just felt like a whirl wind and I am doing ok with it sometimes but other times it feels like "screw it".... I know logically drinking doesn't help ....I get it and I want more than anything to never have a drink again but I also want to stop crying....

How did you go looking into SMART recovery, AJ?

I don’t want to appear cold but drinking over emotional pain is never going to work. At best, you get a momentary relief, but then the pain comes back and you have to reapply your ‘medicine’ usually in greater and greater amounts.

Before long you not only have the emotional pain you started with, but you’ve also got an growing alcohol problem as well.

I know break ups are hard, even if the other party was a narcissist. If you’re in emotional pain, and the pain is getting worse not better, maybe it’s time to see a counsellor?

it’s going to be a better way of dealing with pain than drinking? :dunno:

D

Alcohol temporarily numbs emotions (boredom, sadness, pain, anger) then ends up enhancing them as you metabolize the ethanol. That is, unless you keep yourself sufficiently inebriated. Once THAT wears off, all that remains is pain and regret. And probably a desire for more alcohol so that you can stop feeling so craptastic. That's why it's addictive.

Understanding this mechanism helps free me from the desire to partake. Alcohol is simply emotional poison. It is false.

Your pain is true. Cry. Mourn. Be angry. Maybe even feel a little gratitude to be free of this jerky guy.

Those emotions aren't always fun, but they really can't be glossed over or drunk away. Only path is through.

You are smart and strong, and you will get through this. You'll find a path - don't stop looking!

I have been in your place many times and the amount shame, embarrassment,depression just kept getting worse each time and it was equally as hard to pull myself back up. You CAN do this, and as you know, situations only get worse with alcohol. For me, it was a tough time initially where I did not want to do anything, wanted to cry, etc, but now I can see and think more clearly. I wish you the very best.

Right there with you, AJ. Day one for me too. I managed almost three weeks this time.

AJ, there will ALWAYS be a reason to drink. I know the break-up was hard for you, but there will always be something that comes along that's hard. Recovery is about learning how to manage those hard times without drinking. Also, it's a good idea to have a plan/program that works for you, but whatever you choose, you are the one who needs to find the motivation to stay sober.

Hi Dee :) I am looking at the meetings for my timezone right now actually. for smart recovery. It doesn't sound cold at all.... I know logically that drinking will never help with emotions. I think I vastly underestimated how much this breakup would hurt. As the relief and anger faded this huge amount of hurt rolled in... So I have thought maybe I need to get out my insurance card and call in to see what therapist are available.... I drank for 1 day .... then got it back together. But that seems to be what I keep doing...

I was only with him for 4 months so I thought it wold be a bunch of crying, going on runs and get over it but I had not been in anything significant in 2 years almost and it really feels like it just hurts more than I expected.... But I 100% agree.... I wish alcohol did not exist even because it does nothing good

Oh I totally agree.... I wasn't inferring that I think drinking will help... I think I left it too much as a cliff hanger. What I wanted to say was I don't want to drink, but I don't want to cry.... I know drinking won't help but man when the waves of pain come over this break up it is much more brutal than I thought

Thank you so much :) I really appreciate you and everyone on here

Thank you Anna :) I agree

AJ - I drank 30 yrs. In the end, it was all day, every day. I tried a few times to use willpower to just have 'a few' & not get wasted. It never worked once. One drink led to 10 drinks - and a binge - every single time. I was so exhausted from trying to manage it, I finally surrendered to the idea that there was never going to be any control, & I could actually die clinging to the idea that I could be a social drinker. It was never going to be fun, exciting, or even relaxing. It is poison to me, and I can't touch the stuff.

It'll be 15 yrs. next month that I came limping into SR with a ruined life - humiliated and desperate. If drinking put me in that condition, why on Earth would I keep pouring it down my throat? I kept reading & posting here until I was ready to let it go for good. I felt very strange without it in the beginning - there was a brief adjustment period - but gradually the feeling of freedom and hope for the future kicked in. You can do it too. :hug: