Feeling sad
 

Hey everyone, me again, posting my boring emotional dysregulation yet again! I’m now on day 31, and the anger and irritation has almost completely gone, but has been replaced with an almost desperate sadness. I just feel so damn sad and I want to cry. I’m not someone who cries often, and hadn’t for a very long time till today when I did with the therapist. Christmas coming up isn’t helping; I feel very lonely despite the fact that I live with my mother and have seen more people in the last four weeks than I would have done in a year when drinking. The therapist (who specialises in working with people with substance abuse issues) said emotional dysregulation is very normal in recovery, and she said the four week mark often brings on such feelings. So, good news, it’s normal, but I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I have zero cravings or desire to drink, and I’ve exercised and eaten well today (I’m forcing myself to eat even when I’m not hungry). Just reaching out as I find it helpful to hear from others!

Sadness, guilt, shame, regret.
All of them hit me hard in the beginning.
Sometimes from out of nowhere.
Having a great week then wake up one day and the world just sucks.

All normal. Sucky but normal.

Hang in there.
It gets better

Eating well, exercising, reaching out - you're doing the right things. Lots of support here for you, TheAten.

:grouphug:

I'm working on learning how to really give in to the emotions when I feel them. I used to just always act like I was ok. Then drink or take a tablet to make my brain agree with my mask.

So, if I'm really sad (even for no good reason), I lay down and CRY. Sob, even.

When I'm angry, I go for a run. That helps.

When I'm scared, I call a friend or loved one.

I find that the emotions don't persist for a long time. Usually, a few minutes to several hours.

Shame is the toughest for me. That likes to stick around for days. I've found the best way to deal with shame is to tell someone exactly what I am ashamed of. That gets rid of the secret terribleness of things, and I've yet to have a single person run screaming to the hills after my confession. How about that!

Thanks for posting, theAten. It gets better!!!

I tried to think of early recovery as a time when my mind and body were healing. That meant some days of anger and irritation, some days of fear and some days of profound sadness.

It was my mind and body's way of resetting themselves. It wont last forever, and more than that, it's proof you're on the right road :)

Day 31 is still very early in sobriety. Those feelings are completely normal.

Keep focusing on improving your life not only with regard to addiction but also becoming a better person overall. Remember just because you get sober doesn't mean everything turns to magic. Feelings that you may have been hiding from you are going to have to deal with. However, in time, these uncomfortable feelings will become less and less.

Just keep at it...

Thank you everyone. It really, really helps to read the replies. I am not a lone wolf and I don’t have to be and am not alone in this, and you guys are here with me. I really appreciate it and thank you so much. Every reply means a lot to me.

I had feelings of intense sadness in early recovery, too. I think I began to realize what a mess I'd made of things with the choices I'd made. I really think this was the hardest part of recovery - being sober and looking full-on at what I'd done.

TheAten - Yes, don't forget - you aren't walking this road alone.

I was very emotional, sorry for myself, remorseful, regretful. As the 'real' me emerged, I was horrified as some of the memories began to surface. As I grew stronger, the intensity of these feelings began to fade. I started to appreciate that I was free. I was determined that I'd never, ever betray myself again by being numb & doing reckless things.
Time is what is needed - and thankfully, you have plenty of it on your side.

Well said, Borntobe…

31 days must seen an age to you, Aten, but it sure is early on. I remember it being very touch and go, and any stress in that time would’ve spelt danger. I’m not sure why this sticks in my mind (early 2019), but I had the mother of all cravings on my day 55 following a very minor incident. It was still the default response to swig a beer, but somehow I didn’t. Be ready for a few more weeks of surprises like that. The way you’re feeling now (and like everyone else, I’m sorry to hear this) will only improve the longer you stay sober :)

Hi Hodd. 31 (now 32) days doesn’t seem an age at all, truly. I’m not struggling with cravings or desires to drink whatsoever; I’m not saying this for any other reason than it’s true. If I were I would share that, as lying to myself only hurts me ultimately and nobody else. What I’m experiencing is just intense emotions, which seem to come from nowhere, and as with the anger and irritability, seem to disappear seemingly out of the blue as well. It’s a rather disorientating time, not at all helped by Christmas (Christmas isn’t a trigger for me alcohol wise, it brings feelings of loneliness and sadness all of its own. All the happy songs and sparkly lights seem to mock people who aren’t feeling that way and sometimes seem shallow) and I just ramble and post as it helps just to put the thoughts down. I’m feeling less sad today, I don’t know how long it will last but as of now I’m not so sad. I’m also almost overwhelmingly tired even though I’m sleeping very well. I’ll take the ups with the downs, and I’ll be grateful for them all in the knowledge that I’m building solid sober foundations by dealing with and facing these trials without a crutch.

Thank you and to everyone for the replies. As always, truly appreciated.