bobdrop

Throughout my alcoholism, I have noticed several stages. When I was young, I drank to excess without any major consequences. Then I was diagnosed with alcoholic cardio myopathy at age 35 and I quit drinking for 5 years. After starting back, I didn't really notice any difference until I got to the point that it was OK to drink when I first got up in the morning. Has been going down hill ever since. This has just recently hit another stage. I've been able to go a month or 2 without drinking without much grief. Then, after a month or 2, I would drink and after many long hangovers, I switched to no hard liquor thinking I had beat the game. It was great not waking up with hangovers. But now, I crave the drinking more than ever. Much more than I ever did before. Another stage I suppose. At my age, I have struggled with the big picture stuff. I am retired, my kids are all grown and successful, my life has been a success. What the hell. Why worry about anything. Just live out what's left of my life and be happy. That's what I thought until this latest stage. Living out the rest of my life will not be happy if I'm thinking about my next beer all day long. It dominates my retired days. I've thought that I could outsmart this whole thing for years, but I think that I may finally be to the point that I'm understanding that this is not happiness.

Dee74

Yeah I couldn't outsmart it BD.

For a long time I rationalised that I couldn't be that bad cos I only drank beer and wine but I still lost relationships, career, good health etc.

If there are stages or levels, my elevator was headed downward.

The only thing that gives me and alcoholics like me peace is not drinking alcohol at all.

D

bobdrop

Thanks Dee.

Patcha

My drinking got worse the longer I drank. Sometimes I'd stop drinking for months or a year or two, but it sprang back to the old level and then surpassed it pretty quickly. Complete abstinence from alcohol is the only way forward for me. I don't miss drinking at all. I was done a long time ago.

nez

Yeah bobdrop I too tried for years to outsmart it. The answer was so simple that it plumb eluded me for a long time...why continue to struggle and try to outsmart something that was only bringing me stress, pain, and misery for my efforts at outsmarting it...why not, just not do it, then I don't have to outsmart it.

I wish I could say it has been easy, but that wouldn't be truthful...because I am stubborn and the desire to outsmart it made it more difficult. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was outsmarting it...by not doing it...but I am a slow learner. I finally did get it though. Today I am content, happy, and have no regrets at how smart my decisions and efforts have been since I am no longer trying to outsmart it!!

Kaily

It is all consuming. Give it up, it's a mind ****

brighterday1234

Total abstinence is the way forward in my experience. 🙏

fishkiller

I retired 4 years ago and noticed I was drinking earlier and earlier.

I will be sober 3 years in January.
This is a guy who drank everyday for over 30 years.
I don't miss it anymore.

It is possible.
It is a MUCCH MUCH Better Life.

Ditch the poison

Steely

It can't be outsmarted or outtricked bobdrop. And when you realise this it's when you'll get smart.

You'll realise that sobriety is what you wanted all along, but we're yet to put the work into to achieve it. Work that grows easier with time.

You'll never regret it once you get the hang.

AV is not very smart bobdrop. You are are.

RunnerF

Bobdrop I agree with all of the sentiments above. I am older, 62, am have drank progressively more the last 19 years after having 10 years of sobriety. I can say I can’t outrun or outsmart alcohol. I thought it wasn’t the same for me because it hadn’t affected my health but recently had a blood test that showed abnormal liver function. I stopped 52 days ago and hope to continue to stop. Like you I have successful grown children, a successful business, many material things but alcoholism threatens to ruin all of that if I don’t stop now. Best wishes for a wonderful holiday and for continued sobriety.

ClearPath64

Hi bobdrop. Your experiences sound very similar to mine. I'm 58 years old, have raised successful children and carved out a good living. But I've never been truly happy or at peace. Drank for 40 years, with long periods of sobriety mixed in. Never truly understood that my only road to contentment was permanent sobriety. Total acceptance that I cannot and will not drink again, ever, under any circumstances. I'm 5 months sober now, and that mindset has set me free. I hope that you make that decision and never look back. It's not too late to find happiness bobdrop.

novips

I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic who can only stay sober by completing giving themselves to the simple program of recovery laid out in Alcoholics Anonymous. (Cf. Big Book, p. 58: "Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program ....") Importantly, those types "will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge." (BB, p. 39.) I have no idea whether you are one of those types, but I encourage you to keep an open mind about it. That is, you may need A.A. to quit for good and live the life you seek. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

LoveHateWhine

Hi Bobdrop! I remember you from way back. I think we were both in the same class at some point.

As others have said, your post reminds me of my own journey.

Welcome back!

Scott2295

Hi Bobdrop. I drank pretty much steady state for 20+ years day in and day out. I wasn’t happy with drinking that much but I just seemed to bump along ok. The morning drinking started about 5 years ago and it only took about 2 months of that before my body said no more and I spent a few days sick in bed. I spent the next 3 years starting and stopping until it finally clicked. I just celebrated 1 year sober. I too had a very successful career with my own business. I sold it almost 10 years ago and was able to retire at 52. I raised 2 wonderful children with my wife. All that while drinking. It’s hard to imagine and makes me wonder what I could have done with out the booze. Regardless, my life is so much better now sober. I’m no longer a slave to the bottle. Every day is not perfect but I feel great and my health has improved tremendously. I enjoy each and every day to its fullest. You will not regret quitting.

nmd

Yeah, and the lows only get lower in active addiction. I quit so i could work on being the person i want to be. Drinking was wrecking me in so many ways, mentally and physically and emotionally

What are you thinking can be your next steps?

DriGuy

That rather sums up my life with alcohol. I had no intention of becoming seriously addicted, and I figured I was good enough to "outsmart" it, so I just kept going. All along the way, we face these little red flags but don't quit, because we think we could if we really needed to. Addiction seems no more than a future possibility, and we lie to ourselves thinking we are not there yet. On the surface, it seems to us that we are still in control, but I believe addiction started early in our careers, because one of the most insidious symptoms of alcoholism is denial. And the transition can take place so slowly that it isn't even noticeable to a smarter person. It's comforting to deny the situation, and it's even kind of reasonable, because maybe, just maybe, we aren't becoming addicted...

We are then operating on the much lauded and hyped human condition of hope. But in my case, hope was useless because, it has nothing to do with the reality of what we are in denial about; We are having a problem with alcohol, and it's getting worse while we aren't taking it seriously, or worse yet, we aren't even noticing it. We are only "hoping" we are OK.

Then one day, it hits us full in the face, even though the problems may have started years ago. It's a hard pill to swallow, but there is a solution, which is wonderful if you can accept it. But it's hard if you would rather stay in denial thinking being an alcoholic isn't so bad. And how would you know the joy of sobriety if you never took the time to know how good it can be? You have no point of comparison, so you can end up sticking with the familiar. It's a trap! And it's a hideous one.

Zebra1275

Alcoholism is progressive. The elevator will go to the basement floor (and then the cable will snap) if you don't get off sooner.

SoberLeigh

It seems that alcoholism knows every trick in the book and it outsmarts the best and worst of us. The only way to beat it is twofold - (1) eliminate it entirely, and (2) find true recovery. The second takes the most effort but it is where you will find the happiness you speak of. There are many great threads here on Recovery - what it means and what it entails. I will try to find them and link them for you, bobdrop.

This is just a general heading. I will look for actual threads.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/what-recovery/

SoberLeigh

I am not having much luck, bobdrop finding the threads. Basically, though, recovery is the process/journey through which we heal emotionally, physically and spiritually from our, often, multi-layered alcoholism. Recovery can be one of the best and most profound experiences of your life.

SIB

"thinking about my next beer all day" - oh boy, if I had a nickle for every time I set out while riddled with anxiety at 9:50pm trying to reach the gas station out in the middle of nowhere that sold booze and closed at 10pm. All day long I would think I had it beat, nope.

As the (now sober) lead singer for lamb of god once said "you're allowing a liquid to control your life"