Anna

Hi Bobdrop, I think that the craving and thinking about beer all day will ease up considerably as you move along in recovery. You will find peace of mind and happiness in your life.

Hevyn

That was a great post, bobdrop. You've reached the conclusion that I did nearly 15 yrs. ago. It was going to kill me. I had tried everything to control it so I could be a social drinker - but it was not possible. Life is much easier without it to complicate everything. After the initial adjustment, we realize we have set ourselves free.

RecklessDrunk

The worst of my actual alcohol consumption was in late teens/early 20s. 20 years before I got sober.

I used drugs throughout. I was smoking pot at 9 years old. Alcoholic by 14, used angel dust, lsd, and cocaine by 15. I was on and off with drugs. By my 30s I would have to be drunk to actually want to do drugs. By the end I was only drinking a couple of nights per week and not drinking as much as alcohol but many times it would lead to drug use. Thats what finally took me down. Throughout my drinking one thing was consistent. I could not control how much I would drink or how I would behave. Fun nights in my younger days turned to pathetic later in life. It only gets worse with time even if the amount consumed decreases. Or so was my experience.

I think we go through phases with a lot of things in life. The way we physically and mentally react to alcohol seems to change patterns a little over time.

When I first got sober I had the idea that I am definitely not drinking before my court case for one. Then I thought I should probably not drink in the near future, I probably need at least several years sober and I will see where I am at. Then I thought maybe when I am old I will drink. I can't even say exactly when but maybe someday just not today or in the near future. I do not NEED to drink anytime soon. After a while sometimes just looking at a beautiful morning and thinking what it must be like to be retired. The thought hit me, why screw up a beautiful day like this with a drink? Why would I drink just because I had retired (if I ever can retire) and can do whatever. That's like exactly why NOT to drink. I may just never drink again.

VikingGF

I lied to myself for a long time, then I lived with misery for a long time not thinking I could ever stop. The constant planning and waiting for the drink was demoralizing and tiresome- being free of that is worth every second of effort I had to make to get away from being a drinker. Changing up what I drank, trying to drink less, controlling the when- none of it worked- as long as there was one drop in my body- I just wanted more.

You can stop, Bobdrop. It is the most wonderful feeling when you realize you don't even think about drinking anymore- and it really does happen. Give it a good try, lots of us thought we couldn't make it happen, and we did.

bobdrop

I am blown away by the responses. This is the most helpful response I've ever gotten here. Maybe it's because I finally realize that you're right. I've spent a lot of time breaking down habits like drinking at tailgating and social events. It took a while to realize that no one else cared about my drinking, only their own. I now seem to care more about the bad memories I have with drinking and more importantly, the times I've put my wife through. We deserve a good retirement together. That's why I thought the change from vodka to beer was so good. It was just a new path to self destruction. Let's be honest here. I have been self destructing. And it has been easy to justify with the pandemic and the overbearing reach of the government and the strife seemingly everywhere. Why bother. I really hope that I'm reaching a turning point. I know my health hopes so.

bobdrop

I would like to respond personally to each of you, but I am not good with that.

Ringside

Echoing Zebra's comment...you are assured more, and increasingly bad, "stages" if you continue to drink, whether it is beer or vodka or any other alcohol. This can be your bottom. I hope it is!

Dee74

No need to reply individually if you do not want to, BD.

You can treat this as rhetorical too, but its worth thinking bout:

Do you agree with the consensus here tho - that not drinking at all will bring you freedom?
or do you feel there are circumstances in your case that make things different?

D

bobdrop

Dee, I've known that I agree with that for quite a while. It's just a matter of getting it done.

Dee74

It can look like a mountain when you're thinking about quitting...but once you actually start to climb I found it's not big at all

D

nez

If you never start, you never get to your destination.
While starting is not necessarily a guaranteed outcome; not starting is a guaranteed outcome.
I believe in you. You can do this. Whether you do or not is up to you.
You deserve better...and you know you do...so do better.
Together we can.

A drunk fell in a hole and couldn't get out. A businessman went by. The drunk called out for help. The businessman threw him some money and told him get yourself a ladder. But the drunk could not find a ladder in this hole he was in.

A doctor walked by. The drunk said, "Help, I can't get out." The doctor gave him drugs and said, "Take this, it will relieve the pain." The drunk said thanks, but when the pills ran out, he was still in the hole.

A renowned psychiatrist rode by and heard the drunks cries for help. He stopped and said, "How did you get there? Were you born there? Were you put there by your parents? Tell me about yourself, it will alleviate your sense of loneliness." So the drunk talked with him for an hour, then the psychiatrist had to leave, but he said he'd be back next week. The drunk thanked him, but he was still in his hole.

A priest came by and the drunk called for help. The priest gave him a Bible and said I'll say a prayer for you. He got down on his knees and prayed for the drunk, then left. The drunk was very grateful, he read the Bible, but he was still stuck in that hole.

A recovering alcoholic happened to be passing by. The drunk cried out, "Hey, help me, I'm stuck in this hole." Right away, the recovering alcoholic jumped in the hole with him. The drunk said, "What are you doing? Now we're both stuck here." But the recovering alcoholic said, "It's okay, I've been here before, I know how to get out."

RunnerF

”It was just a new path to self destruction. Let's be honest here. I have been self destructing. And it has been easy to justify with the pandemic and the overbearing reach of the government and the strife seemingly everywhere. Why bother. I really hope that I'm reaching a turning point. I know my health hopes so”

Bobdrop

The above reasonates so deeply with me as these are my exact thoughts for the last few years. At 62 I have felt “ what’s the point? Why bother? , etc” I too know my health hopes I am at a turning point. I need to do this for me or I won’t be on this earth as long as I am otherwise destined to. Life is hard enough without committing suicide slowly day by day by drinking.

Best wishes for continued peace and sobriety.

bobdrop

Happy Thanksgiving! I am thankful for the kind and caring people on this site. I am now ready for my commitment to not drinking. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. I'll be back here in a week or so to report on how I'm doing.

fishkiller

Happy Thanksgiving Bob

First thing you gotta do is break the habit of drinking. Whatever your patterns are they need to change.
Do something different when you would normally be drinking.

Try to think differently about drinking and life in general.

Most importantly, Do Not Drink Today, No Matter What.

Just for today. Don't worry about tomorrow or Saturday or Sunday. Just today.
Don't Drink. No Matter What.

Once that becomes your new habit it gets easier.

sugarbear1

Glad you found Sober Recovery!

Remember, stopping drinking aruptly can be lethal for some of us. You may want to seek medical advice.

Zebra1275

"I would like to respond personally to each of you, but I am not good with that".

There is no need to do this.

But if you would like to thank me in some way, then go to an AA meeting today.

ZIP

​​​​​
Happy Thanksgiving to you, bobdrop. I'm late in responding to your original post, but wanted to let you know you're not alone.
Your background is similar to mine.
I didn't give up booze until I retired. I enrolled in a 1 year outpatient program...which finally clicked for me. I'm over 4 years full-sober now. I volunteer a lot, got a part time job, and try to stay active. Alcohol is in the past...I won't go down that road again.
I've discovered a variety of life improvements : better health, better personality, and the removal of constant anxiety linked to daily drinking.
And I can drive at night again! For years I couldn't, because I was always ********* after sunset 😜.

Alcohol is the problem...abstinence is the solution. Stay strong and active, friend.

silentrun

Great realization. I had distinct phases as well. I didn't realize until later tho. I was made aware suddenly right when it was about to get a whole lot worse. I think of Carrie Fisher talking about her marriage to Paul Simon: "things were getting worse faster than we could lower our standards."

It's fixable.

silentrun

This sounds like the illusion breaking. Once you see it for what it is you won't be able to get away fast enough.

Hevyn

I never imagined I could kick it out of my life, but here I am nearly 15 years sober, after 30 yrs. of drinking. You can do it, bobdrop - there is no doubt.