ToughChoices

The flu is ravaging my household. Two kids down and my husband is starting to feel poorly, as well. I'm ok, so far, but I'm noticing this "trapped" feeling welling up, so I wanted to journal it out.

I am a caretaker, born and raised. My default is cheery helpfulness and care. But when I get tired or bored or feel unappreciated, WATCH OUT. Right now, in my Kleenex-covered house, under mounds of blankets, bowls of soup, and doses of Tylenol, my soul is pacing. Normally, my AV is little more than a squeak, but, over the last several days, I notice its volume increasing. Thank God for the good people who have shown me that listening to/engaging with the AV is not necessary!

Still, it's helpful to me to look at the sets of circumstances that tend to crank up AV activity. Apparently social isolation, illness, and boredom are my triumvirate. This is helpful for me to understand, because each of these challenges are manageable. There are solutions. My "soul sickness" actually has treatment - it's not just fate/God/destiny.

So, I'm looking forward to my AA meeting this evening and visiting with my sponsee afterwards. I'm taking my zinc and Vitamin C supplement and drinking extra water. I'm going for a run (in the FREEZING cold), working on painting my bathroom, and making some progress reading a great novel.

Today, I'm grateful for my health and the health that is being restored to my family. I'm grateful for my sweet kids and their good company. ​​​​​​I'll venture out to the grocery store here in a minute. We are having homemade meatballs and spaghetti for dinner tonight (my youngest son's favorite), and I'm grateful for our access to nutrition.

Thanks for listening to me. I'm having a bit of a self-discovery journey, and sometimes I have these AHA moments that seem life-altering!

Just because I feel trapped, bored, unappreciated, or isolated, doesn't mean I am any of those things. It doesn't mean I will always feel that way. It does not mean I'm doomed. It is not a good reason to drink!!! Drinking/using solves nothing. It only traps and isolates me more.

Alcohol is not the answer. Meatballs might be........

Much love,
TC

mns1

Keep on keepin' on TC.

Anna

TC, I hope your kids and your husband feel better soon and that you manage to stay healthy.

least

KTB5000

Thank for your thoughtful post TC....food for the soul. 🙏🏽 I

Oglsby

Great post! It always helps me to focus on the things I am grateful for as well.

fishkiller

So much to be grateful for.
So glad you have the clarity to see it now.
A great gift of sobriety

ToughChoices

Thanks for listening to me think. My youngest's fever broke yesterday, and my husband is feeling better, too. I'm still forging ahead! I got an official employment offer yesterday that I am excited to accept. It will be entirely different than my previous career path, but I think it will align well with my goal of mindfulness and my needs for exercise and interaction.

So, HOORAY!

In for a sober, quiet weekend.

MLD51

This right here:
"Just because I feel trapped, bored, unappreciated, or isolated, doesn't mean I am any of those things. It doesn't mean I will always feel that way. It does not mean I'm doomed."

It's hard to have that sort of clarity when you're in the middle of a crisis or uncomfortable situation and your feelings are welling up. I often have to stop, take deep breaths, and think things through a bit. I tend to go straight to catastrophizing a situation when there's not an actual catastrophe. I think that was a handy excuse for my AV to sneak in when I was still drinking, and I need to be vigilant about that particular dynamic. It's a weak spot in the armor, for me. Thanks for the timely reminder, TC. I'm going through some "stuff" right now and I need to be aware of what's REAL vs what my emotions want me to believe.