Evoo

What are your strategies for taking on the holidays?

I don't know about you, but for the longest time - every memory around the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years) had alcohol at its center. I'd start with a gin and tonic on Christmas morning with my breakfast, drink through the day (often drinking off a hangover from the night before) and then try very hard to prepare myself for even more heavy drinking with brothers/cousins/extended family.

I don't have any "warm and fuzzies" about that now. I remember needing days to recover from the holidays, throwing up and then returning to socialize, struggling not to slur my words, feeling sick and exhausted after the "vacation," sweating through withdrawals and recovering at work.

That's no way to start a new year.

This year - my strategy is to lean into my health, hit the gym and stay active, play video games (been really into SkyrimVR lately), make some amazing dishes with my family - and enjoy food and friends. Don't need any alcohol for that, and I'll be so present for my small kiddos.

Here's to another sober Christmas season .

Hodd

I’ll pass on the video games, Evoo 🤣 but a lot of people (me included) wouldn’t mind the gym, active and amazing dishes part. Sounds like bliss. I think your strategy is the best one. You’ll have great holidays.

TheAten

Evoo I’ve yet to try Skyrim VR but I have got the platinum trophy for it on both ps3 and ps4 so I must kinda love it (jokes - I DO absolutely love it!). As for me, well, after a few christmases that have been absolutely abysmal (not due to my drinking just an fyi), I’ve decided I’m not participating this year! That’s right; I’m actually having a year off Christmas! So my strategy will
Be to continue building new tools and getting stuck in to the new things I want to try (I’ve bought some models to construct and I’ve also bought some paints and a keyboard). Oh, and Bah! Humbug XD

TheAten

Duplicate - apologies

least

I never drank more at holidays, I drank too much every day of the year...

Zencat

Yep, same here.

Drugs/drinks came in first. A distant and neglected second were holidays, family, job, and soul . Holidays were just more of the same old shite recycled daily.

Now I just adore the lights, laughs, smells, family, friends the whole shebang of holiday cheer of being sober. Bring it on because there are recovery tools to use in every situation that life throughs in one face. Mindfulness, my "wisdom path" and gratitude will be my constant companion.

Hevyn

Thanks for this, Evoo.

I was like least & Zen - I drank every day. I was happy that I didn't have to hide it as much during the holidays, since most everyone was drinking.
I remember thinking the holidays, & other special occasions, would never be festive or fun again if I quit. After a brief adjustment period, I grew to love being clear headed - not foggy & numb. No more wondering what I said or did. I look back and can't believe I ever justified my behavior.

I'm so thankful we're free of it, my friends.

brighterday1234

The longer you’re sober the more it becomes the new normal 🙏

Hodd

That’s the key.

Drinkers resort to drinking in times of stress, which is a cruel irony as the need for alcohol creates a lot of the stress. What I’ve found with increased sobriety is that **** and stress still happen, but we can see a way through. For a new non-drinker, it’s best to avoid a stressful situation as the default will be to want alcohol. With time, though, this reflex fades. Longer-term sobriety means the **** can hit the fan but can be dealt with. Resorting to alcohol means problems never get solved. That’s why I consider relapses such a big deal. Stay sober everyone. You won’t regret it

RunnerF

Hodd, agree completely. I had 10 years sober 1993-2003. Holidays were much better sober including NYE 2000. Stress and problems are there whether we drink or not but they are much more manageable if alcohol or other substances are not part of the solution. Day 45 for me. At 62 I know this has to be my new “old” normal (sobriety). If not I will die before I am ready. Best to all.

Hodd

Thanks Runner, sounded like a great 1993 to 2003, but it sounds like a few hiccups since so well done on 45 days. I’m coming up to four years, but unfortunately we’re all statistically likely to relapse, and your experience and that of many others sadly reinforces that. All we can do is accept our “limitations” and be wary.

I’m having a few ups and downs and setbacks right now (nothing serious compared to many people’s problems), but I find being a lot clearer headed (sober) means I can think things through a lot more rationally and find a solution. As a drinker, I’d have probably caved in. I shouldn’t say long-term sobriety is a superpower, but it’s not far off

Evoo

Congrats on getting back on the horse, especially after such a long time sober. Was it stress that caused you to relapse, or did you start to convince yourself you could drink and moderate and started up again? Thanks

Britbird80

This is a good thread. I'm gearing up for my first sober Christmas (apart from 2 when pregnant) I'm excited about it and not feeling sad or any sort of FOMO about it. Like many here I drank more at Christmas and it was a great excuse to justify it. I'm making plans but remaining vigilant, I won't go anywhere I don't want too or mix with people I dont want too and although I've always put my children first, this year they will have their mum 100% on top form for the entire holidays. Starting a new year feeling so rubbish is awful and depressing. News years day will be my 1 year sober anniversary and I will be starting the year bright and refreshed.
Well done to everyone here on their sober time.

RunnerF

Evoo,

thanks for your kind thoughts. If I look back at it I believe it was a little of both. Stressed and thought I could control drinking. I did control it for a few years but it kept getting worse. Recently have had many health warnings, high blood pressure, abnormal liver enzyme tests, discoloration of skin around eyes, sexual dysfunction and many others. At 62, with all I drank over years, I believe I would be dead if not for fitness( ran a lot including 10+ marathons) and 10 years of sobriety. I need to stop now or I truly believe I will die. I do not want to die especially when I can choose not to continue to kill my self by drinking.

AthensDawgs

Being around sober people. I know going over to my dads place is a safe area and that's where we will be eating our dinner.

Extra meetings, continuing to go to therapy, and working. I have split days off coming up(Sunday and Thursday) so that helps. I get in a zone at work and I consider it therapy with the exercise that I do. I walk about 8 miles every day.

I consider myself to be in my own little bubble. I'm either at my place, work, an AA meeting, therapy, or my dad's place. It's what is working for me so I continue to do it.

DriGuy

I had my last drink at the beginning of a long past January, so I had almost an entire year to work out the wrinkles in my recovery and adjust to a new life. So the time my first sober holiday season rolled around, I didn't even need to plan strategy ahead of time for how to "cope" with the usual triggers. It was lovely to not worry about drinking, but to just bask in the special pride of my sobriety during Thanksgiving and Christmas. And for New Years Eve, my AA group got together for a big bash, with lots of food, fireworks, and partying sober. It was by far my best New Years Celebration in my life, and nothing else even comes close to how much I enjoyed the end of that whole special season.

I remember the last years of my drinking I would go out an get rip roaring drunk for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and Thanksgiving, and even as a confirmed drinker, I realized how stupid it was to desecrate such important family institutions by getting drunk. And I believe we all know better than that, but as alcoholics, it's more important to feed our addiction, and any justification for getting loaded on such occasions is pure alcoholic mind gaming.

That first Holiday season I loved being sober more than ever.

JohnToon

I'm a bit worried by the prospect of a sober Christmas. It's less about the temptation to drink. Hopefully my anxiety will be reduced by then too ( if not, it will be a very difficult time!). My concerns are more about how it will affect my social interactions. I've always been the one who's a bit merry at family parties. I always used alcohol to overcome shyness and become the "entertainer" in big social gatherings. My oldest friends and I always drink alcohol (often to excess!) on the rare occasions we get to meet up - and I'm the one who would instigate the drinking most of all.

My "image" with friends and family is intertwined with alcohol. Even my main hobby was brewing craft beer! I used to gift a special brew with home-grown hops to each of my neighbours on Christmas Eve.

I'm not looking forward to the inevitable questions on why I'm not drinking. I'm not sure how I'm going to answer that question yet.

I'm not sure who I am at social occasions without alcohol. Do I just revert back to the shy, quiet kid I was before discovering booze?

I am, however, looking forward to being more present with my family - with my attention more on them and less on drinking.

fishkiller

Hey John,
I was a drinker. That was me. Everyone expected me to get drunk. Especially at gatherings.
Holidays were just another excuse. If someone got me as a secret Santa or whatever they got me beer.

My 1st holiday event was weird. I definitely felt out of place. I was sober. That just ain't normal.
When offered a drink I just said, No Thanks.
That was it. Easy.
If someone had pushed or pressured me I probably would have been rude but it never happened.

Now sober me is what they expect.
What they Love.

Not one person has said they wish I still drank. Not even those that still do.
They love ME. Not a drunk.

I still get social anxiety but I can control it now without alcohol.
The 1st one will probably be weird for you. There will be times your AV yells out.
Ignore that fool.
You are in control even though it may not feel like it now.

fishkiller

Johntoon, your last line is the key.

More time with family, ZERO time for alcohol.
That's what life is about man

Pekelover2

This is a great thread, Evoo.
I’m a runner and I’m going to focus on my health. I’m going to exercise everyday, which used to be my routine until things got out of hand lately. I’m going to keep busy and try to have a podcast going or something so that I can’t think too much.
On SR someone recommended Risky Behavior as a doc to watch about alcoholism. One of the ppl said a that they drink to “quiet their brain”. I couldn’t agree more.
since I can’t quiet my brain, I’ll need distractions.