My AV - Struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2022
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 31
My AV - Struggling
Hi all,
Today has been tough and dangerous. My AV has been going wild. Doing anything and everything to convince me to drink. Sadly I came so close. I feel like I need some stress relief and alcohol has always been my turn to for that.
I take it your AV never goes away but does it quieten with time?
I feel worried how close I came today. It completely took over all rational thought.
-
Today has been tough and dangerous. My AV has been going wild. Doing anything and everything to convince me to drink. Sadly I came so close. I feel like I need some stress relief and alcohol has always been my turn to for that.
I take it your AV never goes away but does it quieten with time?
I feel worried how close I came today. It completely took over all rational thought.
-
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Yes, it will ease up for sure. It just takes a little time. I'm really glad that you got through today. For stress relief, maybe you could try exercise, music, playing with a pet, whatever might help you in the moment?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
Yes, the addictive voice gets quieter with more sober time. The other thing that will knock the AV for a loop is to start practicing gratitude every day. Each day find 10 things/events/people you are thankful for and express your gratitude in some way. Some keep a gratitude diary, I like to post in the Gratitude forum here. 
. If it's hard to find 10 things to be grateful for, then cut down to 5. Just find something to be thankful for. . Expressing gratitude makes me feel positive. And it can be small things, like the person who told you your dog was cute. . Anything that makes you smile.
Give it a try. If not satisfied, your misery will be cheerfully refunded.
. If it's hard to find 10 things to be grateful for, then cut down to 5. Just find something to be thankful for. . Expressing gratitude makes me feel positive. And it can be small things, like the person who told you your dog was cute. . Anything that makes you smile. Give it a try. If not satisfied, your misery will be cheerfully refunded.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Mavericks
yes in my experience the voice absolutely dies away with time
I find exercise releases my stress better than alcohol ever could.
I also find posting and reading here will help nullify any AV.
as a surfer you may find urge surfing a helpful technique - there’s that and more ideas and tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
Stay focused - you’re absolutely on the right road
D
yes in my experience the voice absolutely dies away with time
I find exercise releases my stress better than alcohol ever could.
I also find posting and reading here will help nullify any AV.
as a surfer you may find urge surfing a helpful technique - there’s that and more ideas and tips here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
Stay focused - you’re absolutely on the right road
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Sobriety is like anything else, it takes practice, and with more practice the easier things become; until someday it seems to be second nature. I have been cooking as a profession for 50 years and I can thin slice an onion in mere seconds with my eyes closed.
I have a scar on one finger that shows that wasn't always the case.
I have a scar on one finger that shows that wasn't always the case.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
The first really powerful help was given to me when I was talking to a guy right after my first AA meeting. It was day 5 and my worst day of cravings ever, and I told him I didn't know if I could go much longer without a drink, let alone for the rest of my life. What he told me was that it was always the same for him every time he dried out, but after a week or so, the voices in his head just became passing thoughts, rather than obsessive nagging.
Two important takeaways here: 1)cravings subside and become more like background noise over time. Eventually mine just went away, but that took years. That was OK, because all you need is for cravings to reach a level of manageability. And this will happen. 2)You never know where the next words of wisdom will come from, because that guy that gave me the hope I needed at the very time I needed it the most, was a chronic relapser and drank himself to death a few years later. He was not a sage you would want as a guide, but he was an "expert" at getting through cravings for what that's worth.
Now I'm just speculating here, but I don't think he wanted to stay quit, because just maybe he figured he was an expert at getting through cravings. I took what he said to heart, and he was certainly correct, but I promised I wouldn't got back to drinking like he always did, even knowing that cravings go away. The idea of biting that bullet for a week and a half was something I never wanted to repeat... and I never did. Getting through those cravings is a Hell of a battle, and when they become manageable it's like going to Heaven, but for many, the hard part of finding the commitment to stick with sobriety comes next. For me, that was an even bigger key to success.
Two important takeaways here: 1)cravings subside and become more like background noise over time. Eventually mine just went away, but that took years. That was OK, because all you need is for cravings to reach a level of manageability. And this will happen. 2)You never know where the next words of wisdom will come from, because that guy that gave me the hope I needed at the very time I needed it the most, was a chronic relapser and drank himself to death a few years later. He was not a sage you would want as a guide, but he was an "expert" at getting through cravings for what that's worth.
Now I'm just speculating here, but I don't think he wanted to stay quit, because just maybe he figured he was an expert at getting through cravings. I took what he said to heart, and he was certainly correct, but I promised I wouldn't got back to drinking like he always did, even knowing that cravings go away. The idea of biting that bullet for a week and a half was something I never wanted to repeat... and I never did. Getting through those cravings is a Hell of a battle, and when they become manageable it's like going to Heaven, but for many, the hard part of finding the commitment to stick with sobriety comes next. For me, that was an even bigger key to success.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Hey, Mavericks, good work not drinking today.
In my experience, any desire to drink has been blissfully absent, and any thoughts of it are now weird memories of what I used to think- I know that’s confusing. It’s very hard to describe… I think of drinking now only in the context of how seriously horrible it was and how awful I felt as a result. Once I decided I was done and drinking had nothing left for me, I stopped believing the lies which are the basis of cravings and the struggle just ended. It took time for me to believe the struggle was over, but all thoughts of being an active drinker are gone.
Keep going, each day you get through, especially ones like today, will strengthen those important sober muscles. You’re doing great- thanks so much for this post.
In my experience, any desire to drink has been blissfully absent, and any thoughts of it are now weird memories of what I used to think- I know that’s confusing. It’s very hard to describe… I think of drinking now only in the context of how seriously horrible it was and how awful I felt as a result. Once I decided I was done and drinking had nothing left for me, I stopped believing the lies which are the basis of cravings and the struggle just ended. It took time for me to believe the struggle was over, but all thoughts of being an active drinker are gone.
Keep going, each day you get through, especially ones like today, will strengthen those important sober muscles. You’re doing great- thanks so much for this post.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Yes, it does quiet with Time Maverick. And thank goodness for the mercy. It raises its ugly head from time to time when the heat is on, but I can dismiss it easily now, and it floats away into the abyss of bad ideas. And I've had a few of those.
As time goes by you will find yourself looking past the alcohol and into your self at last. And about time too. It has been this way for me at anyrate. And I'm a learner too. So much wasted time with the booze, and it doesn't have to be this way. We deserve better.
This is the real struggle Maverick, and one that will have you stand straight and tall, turning your glass upside down on the tablecloth. You will see that you never needed alcohol in the first place.
As time goes by you will find yourself looking past the alcohol and into your self at last. And about time too. It has been this way for me at anyrate. And I'm a learner too. So much wasted time with the booze, and it doesn't have to be this way. We deserve better.
This is the real struggle Maverick, and one that will have you stand straight and tall, turning your glass upside down on the tablecloth. You will see that you never needed alcohol in the first place.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,840
Maverick i too had these problems but used different ways to help myself. My biggest one was the supermarket off-licence as i was a home drinker and the main food shopper in the house i really had to talk myself out of buying alcohol in the first few month's as the AV was pushing me all the time mainly in the shop but it would get really loud. It would nag for another hour after leaving before quietening down getting ready for the next day.
My main coping mechanism was a note i wrote to myself that i would read before i entered or got stressed.
I go for a walk
I just got out of any place that might put me under any unwanted pressure.
Be sure to keep posting.
My main coping mechanism was a note i wrote to myself that i would read before i entered or got stressed.
I go for a walk
I just got out of any place that might put me under any unwanted pressure.
Be sure to keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
I swear my AV was totally overactive. I had to learn to live alongside it for sometime and not respond to its nonsense. For me, walking helped enormously, pacing and even screaming too. Whatever it takes. Near misses are ok, you learn and get stronger.
Well done for posting and asking for help
Well done for posting and asking for help
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by Mavericks 
Thanks everyone. I got through it and that's the main thing. I need to learn to deal with low days better.
However, somethings we can indeed control and fix, but alcohol doesn't help because it's running away, rather than getting actively involved. When you're sober you have half a chance at fixing many things, but when your drunk, you're just stuck and spinning your wheels.
One of the most important tools in my box is simply knowing that things pass, most certainly true with my emotional states. Emotions come and go like the Chicago Transit Authority. There no real need to get upset about feeling upset, because a new situation will be coming shortly.
These insights were not things I struggled to find. Most of these kinds of things just naturally became apparent after I got sober for good. It's just hard to see clearly when you're drunk or between drunks.
Your AV will tell you
it's time for a drink,
But ignore your AV,
and make time to think.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Well done! The AV is like a little kid that will try and get their way without considering the consequences. It quites down after awhile. Mine went away because of what you are doing. Instead of getting to drink it got you to recognize it for what it is and then seek support. If the AV learns the only thing it's going to get is outed it will keep trying different approaches but if it never gets you to drink it has lost it's power.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2022
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by DriGuy
One thing I've learned is that while I am powerless over many situations, many of our problems will resolve themselves without our intervention and worry. In AA, people are encouraged to turn these kinds of problems over to a God who will always take care of us. This is the same as my philosophy, but with an entirely different explanation of what actually happens. I wish I had a nickle for every petty problem I lost sleep over that just got fixed without my help.
However, somethings we can indeed control and fix, but alcohol doesn't help because it's running away, rather than getting actively involved. When you're sober you have half a chance at fixing many things, but when your drunk, you're just stuck and spinning your wheels.
One of the most important tools in my box is simply knowing that things pass, most certainly true with my emotional states. Emotions come and go like the Chicago Transit Authority. There no real need to get upset about feeling upset, because a new situation will be coming shortly.
These insights were not things I struggled to find. Most of these kinds of things just naturally became apparent after I got sober for good. It's just hard to see clearly when you're drunk or between drunks.
Your AV will tell you
it's time for a drink,
But ignore your AV,
and make time to think.
However, somethings we can indeed control and fix, but alcohol doesn't help because it's running away, rather than getting actively involved. When you're sober you have half a chance at fixing many things, but when your drunk, you're just stuck and spinning your wheels.
One of the most important tools in my box is simply knowing that things pass, most certainly true with my emotional states. Emotions come and go like the Chicago Transit Authority. There no real need to get upset about feeling upset, because a new situation will be coming shortly.
These insights were not things I struggled to find. Most of these kinds of things just naturally became apparent after I got sober for good. It's just hard to see clearly when you're drunk or between drunks.
Your AV will tell you
it's time for a drink,
But ignore your AV,
and make time to think.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Well done Mav, I'm proud of yer for not cracking, shows true character.
If it's any consolation, my AV is always trying to get me on board, but I've been working hard in my rehab programme to silence it or at least ignore it. My key worker put an empty chair in front of me and said there's a person sat there that's been dry for 6 months and is just about to pick up. Talk to them and tell them what you're thinking. I was F'in and blinding telling them not to do it, pleading with them to show reason, she then said it wasn't a straner in the chair, it was you. Remember what you said whenever you feel tempted or close to cracking. They were yout words, your advice, she said!. Really helped me,and a useful strategy.
Damn swine that alcohol - a true con artist and knows every trick in the book. We gotta keep one step ahead, us guys.
Good luck and well done you!!!
If it's any consolation, my AV is always trying to get me on board, but I've been working hard in my rehab programme to silence it or at least ignore it. My key worker put an empty chair in front of me and said there's a person sat there that's been dry for 6 months and is just about to pick up. Talk to them and tell them what you're thinking. I was F'in and blinding telling them not to do it, pleading with them to show reason, she then said it wasn't a straner in the chair, it was you. Remember what you said whenever you feel tempted or close to cracking. They were yout words, your advice, she said!. Really helped me,and a useful strategy.
Damn swine that alcohol - a true con artist and knows every trick in the book. We gotta keep one step ahead, us guys.
Good luck and well done you!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2022
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by kes
Well done Mav, I'm proud of yer for not cracking, shows true character.
If it's any consolation, my AV is always trying to get me on board, but I've been working hard in my rehab programme to silence it or at least ignore it. My key worker put an empty chair in front of me and said there's a person sat there that's been dry for 6 months and is just about to pick up. Talk to them and tell them what you're thinking. I was F'in and blinding telling them not to do it, pleading with them to show reason, she then said it wasn't a straner in the chair, it was you. Remember what you said whenever you feel tempted or close to cracking. They were yout words, your advice, she said!. Really helped me,and a useful strategy.
Damn swine that alcohol - a true con artist and knows every trick in the book. We gotta keep one step ahead, us guys.
Good luck and well done you!!!
If it's any consolation, my AV is always trying to get me on board, but I've been working hard in my rehab programme to silence it or at least ignore it. My key worker put an empty chair in front of me and said there's a person sat there that's been dry for 6 months and is just about to pick up. Talk to them and tell them what you're thinking. I was F'in and blinding telling them not to do it, pleading with them to show reason, she then said it wasn't a straner in the chair, it was you. Remember what you said whenever you feel tempted or close to cracking. They were yout words, your advice, she said!. Really helped me,and a useful strategy.
Damn swine that alcohol - a true con artist and knows every trick in the book. We gotta keep one step ahead, us guys.
Good luck and well done you!!!
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