Papiwad

My addiction started when I was about 12 yrs old with beer and weed back in the 80s. It wasn’t until I was about 16 when I got in to acid/mushrooms while still drinking and smoking pot. Never taking life seriously. High school dropout,17 yr old father not dad! Thought I’d straighten up and settle down with only beer and weed again while learning a trade and being absent with my family while hacking my way through the local rock band scenes. Poser really now I look back. Lol. While doing so I worked and excelled in my trade and so so on guitar still ****** dad and husband. I started using cocaine and introduced it to my late wife.” God rest her loving soul”. She put up with to much. You all know how that marriage ended. We were around 27 yrs young. She went off to ny with a drug induced mental illness that I had no idea how to deal with nor the want to at that time or patience to even want to understand. I thought oh u can’t quit like me ur weak. In the mean time we were messing around with opiates back then before the pill mills and the hype and we had no idea that we were that addicted to opiates and really weren’t compared to later struggles we both encountered on our separate journeys in life while the kids endured all. Thanks to my brother and sister in law they turned out to be awesome people. Good loving wholesome beautiful young adults. Even my youngest that was another relationship with same addiction flaws turned out surprisingly well balanced but in need also now of me I see and me in need of all of them but anywho. I’ve been in an out of methadone clinics up to 240 mg a day on top of docs with up to 22 roxicodone 30’s and several of 40’s every single day for 6 long years from 32 to 38 yrs of age. Loss of loved ones. Xanax/crack u name it to stay awake! Overdosed countless times. My newest drug of choice on top of a maintenance program which involves suboxone is methamphetamine. For the past 2 plus years . I am down to a half a suboxone a day and no desire to go back to opiates or meth. I have a lot of making right to do in a short Time at the age of 50. What are you guys honest opinion on the suboxone deal and sobriety. This is a drug that some people may have to take and some people don’t get that or am I wrong. It’s a grey area hat needs dealt with. Am I sober in who’s eyes?? In mine I’m not even though I get no euphoria. I should be able to be 100 at any meeting beit AA na ca whatever. Thoughts!??? Not to mention the relationship I have now with the one girl that’s opened my eyes and sometimes honestly I don’t like her for that and hope that mindset changes because my love for her is greater than any drug ever for a first and she’s my rock but she’s not super woman and need and want to be here for her. This is uncharted territory for me and my ways that somehow have got me through this life are out lived. Trying to start over is overwhelming and demeaning it seems most if the time. I snap at her everyday on things that she don’t do and trying to control that for me is disgustingly hard for me and it shouldn’t be. What is wrong with me? Why am I such a narcissist? I don’t want to be. I find that that is who I’ve became and do want to change! I wrote that in case she reads this. Lol. Seriously though thoughts on mentioning maintenance program at AA meetings. It’s my story so far and im not “ HIGH” and for some reason still here to talk about it. Thoughts!!??

Zencat

I'm personally fine with a recovering addict using suboxone to maintain sobriety. I believe suboxone has saved lives, lots and lots of lives in recovery. "to thy own self be true"

Dee74

Hi papiwad
as far as this website is concerned we have forums for subs and naltrexone.

If I was in a meeting group thats not helpful, whatever it is and for whatever reason, I'd find another one?

D

kes

Ho Papiwad,

I lost my bro to heroin, he was 47. As bright as a button, degree in chemistry, home owner etc. I just couldn't get him off the stuff. I remember countless trips driving him to the methadone clinic and inevitably he'd start using again.. It was so sad. when was found dead with a needle in his arm (January 2016). So I know a lot about the harm caused by that drug and the trgedy of an opiate addiction. Most of his so called friends bought it to the drug and no longrr crawl this earth

You got a chance Pap, don't blow it and become another statistic. Take medical advice on suboxone. Witrh hindsight it could have saved my bro. PM me anytime.

I've never been into opiates myself but recovering from chronic alcoholism